Who's a perfectionist in your life ~ and how to deal with them? (free, house)

[AksarbeN]

Are you a perfectionist or do you live with one? This type of personality can drive two people crazy. I’m talking about things like placing the postage stamp on an envelope that’s going out for Christmas. It needs to be just so far from the top and from the right side ~ and a must ((((MUST ))))) it has to be straight or square with the sides. Not only the stamp but the ((((((return address label)))))) as well. CRAZY people are out there making these everyday problems out of just getting a letter off in the mail. And ~ Mrs. AksarbeN seems to be helping the postman make sure that his mail that he’s delivering will be perfect and without a misplaced stamp or label.

After 39 years of mailing envelopes, putting stamps on them nothing “NOTHING” has ever been lost or returned due to a stamp problem. Who needs to worry about the little things in life a perfectionist like Mrs. AksarbeN or the mailman and me?

[Blueberry]

Hello. My name is Blueberry, and I'm a perfectionist. I've been seeking a 12-step program to help me deal with my problem, but there's always a flaw in the program. . . .

I'm not sure there is a solution to the perfectionist personality other than time. One thing that helped me was getting out in the world and being exposed to others and their lack of care or attention to details in all things, whether it be something important or inconsequential. I eventually realized that even my substandard efforts far exceed those of most people I know. Since very few people take the time and effort to do something right or make something look good, others are almost always impressed with the things I just throw together because I at least try to do it right or make it look good. I also grew up and no longer care so much what others think of me; people will either like me or not regardless of my perfection or lack thereof.

One other thing that sometimes improves the annoying habits of a perfectionist is a busy life. Being a perfectionist often takes a lot of time, so I learned where I could cut corners so I wouldn't drive myself crazy. I learned that I could cut corners almost everywhere because very few people really care. However, I will always perform a paying job to the best of my ability because I have a responsibility to be the best employee I can be. There are also some things that are too important to do slap-dashedly. (I saw that word used here once!)

The people I love know that when I take time to do something right and attempt to make it perfect, it is one way I show my love. They might not care if something is perfect, but they know "perfection" is an integral part of my personality and I am disappointed in myself if I don't take the time and effort to do something just right for them. Attempts at perfection (or lack thereof) usually reflect the true amount of respect, thoughtfulness, and love undertaken in any endeavor.

I'd say as long as the perfectionist isn't demanding perfection of others or isn't unnecessarily delaying important things or isn't being negligent in other duties because of the time involved in being perfect, let her be happy in her calling. I usually try not to drive people crazy with my quirks, but sometimes it's a wee bit of fun to see how far I can go. I've received some well deserved ribbing from family and friends (I once spent about two hours painting one cookie that was to be eaten ), yet they have accepted this part of my personality. As long as I don't expect them to be the same, they are happy to let me be content taking my sweet time to make something beautiful. I think they'd be disappointed if I did anything less.

[vpcats]

LOLLLLLLLLL.

ME. The stamp and the return label need to be exactly right. A few times I've had a little problem with the stamps (especially since they were self-adhesive). I took a lot of deliberating about whether to get a new envelope and start all over again, and spend extra postage money, so I'd end up letting it go. :-))

I'm a PIA about pet hair. Always cleaning that up and about furniture being in just the correct spot. The only thing I gave up on is the bed. Right after I make the bed my big dog comes and twists it all up and shoves the pillows around until HE gets comfortable. I figured he deserves it, so I don't bother with that. :-))

I am soooo happy about e-mail and paying bills on line, etc. I still have a box of Christmas cards from about 8 years ago that I've never quite managed to finish off.

[Racelady88]

*grins sheepishly* Uh, guilty as charged. I am guessing it is the Virgo in me. The alternative, turning in to my mother, is unacceptable.

[Mooseketeer]

I have been a perfectionist since a child, raised by a perfectionist Father and uber-perfectionist Step-Mother.

The result has been a terrible one as I spent so many years trying to do things perfectly all the time ( I had never been late in my entire life until a couple of years ago for example and never let ANYONE down in my entire life, if I promised someone something I would always do it right-away) that I imploded and got sick. I now suffer from CFS ( Chronic Fatigue syndrome) and Chronic depression. It's horrendous.

I basically spent years never putting a foot wrong, being perfect at school, at university, perfectly clean, tidy, organised and in control and now I am just a wreck emotionally and physically.

Even when I had Leukaemia I never stopped for anything. My immune system collapsed and though I am now clear , I am not a very well person.
I always had such high expectations of myself that I don't think I have ever truly relaxed since I was a small child and of course I have hugely demanding expectations of others which cause conflict, and ultimately disappointment.

I would not recommend it to anyone. I have had to slow down considerably due to illness, it finally caught with me but I still have manic episodes when I am like a whirlwind. My mind is never calm and i have tried every thing. Meditation, Yoga, exercise, therapy, CBT, group therapy, etc.. Nothing works. My mind just feels on the brink of collapse all the time and I am still trying to behave as i did at the peak of my fitness over 20 years ago.

I hardly sleep ( about 3 or 4 hours a night if I am lucky) and constantly worry that things will not be "right".
Everything must be a certain way and it causes me great anguish when it isn't. I can control my behaviour but sadly not the way I feel about things.

I just wish I could be laid back about things a bit more , but it's impossible... I am basically a control freak and though I rein my tendencies in ( I have to having a wonderful OH ) it still makes me so uncomfortable not being in control.

[Rcm58]

Always share your viewpoint with a perfectionist, they can appreciate another approach even is they can't change themselves. Much like the butler in the movie Arthur.

[vpcats]

Oh boy Moose. Have you tried some hypnosis? Acupuncture maybe? It's terrible feeling exhausted all the time. I know about your mind not shutting down too. You never get any rest!

I was much more of a perfectionist a few years ago, and I was extremely demanding, to the point that I just made it worse on myself because I didn't have the patience to wait around for anything to get done, so I would do it myself and if someone else did something that wasn't exactly right IN MY EYES, I would just do it again myself.

I don't know what happened but I've lost a lot of that and although I'm still fairly impatient, and fairly demanding, and fairly doing something all the time, I'm not neurotic about it anymore. I think I've looked at my mother a little closer too and I don't want to be like her. She's impossibly neurotic!

Good luck to you and I hope you will find something that will help you feel a little better.

[Mooseketeer]

Originally Posted by vpcats

Oh boy Moose. Have you tried some hypnosis? Acupuncture maybe? It's terrible feeling exhausted all the time. I know about your mind not shutting down too. You never get any rest!

I was much more of a perfectionist a few years ago, and I was extremely demanding, to the point that I just made it worse on myself because I didn't have the patience to wait around for anything to get done, so I would do it myself and if someone else did something that wasn't exactly right IN MY EYES, I would just do it again myself.

I don't know what happened but I've lost a lot of that and although I'm still fairly impatient, and fairly demanding, and fairly doing something all the time, I'm not neurotic about it anymore. I think I've looked at my mother a little closer too and I don't want to be like her. She's impossibly neurotic!

Good luck to you and I hope you will find something that will help you feel a little better.

Thanks, I have tried acupuncture but Hypnosis is just too big a step as that is surrendering control of my brain so to speak and I just could never face that !

I have got slightly "better" at it purely because of ill health ( it's a lot harder to have a clinically clean house when you are exhausted and barely able to function), so maybe being ill will eventually grind me down to normal.
My partner always jokes that I have been brought down to his level of mere mortal and that of course I don't like it one bit. ( he knew me at my peak and used to find it exhausting and i think a tad irritating too !)

The worse thing for me is the mental decline I feel. I used to be highly Academic and intellectually capable but now due to CFS and depression, my memory is appalling, I have dreadful concentration levels and I have lost my language skills to argue matters in an intelligent and well thought out way.

I feel so utterly frustrated being unable to debate properly and even reading is a lot harder than it used to be.
I have lost who I was and I guess I am still grieving for the old able "me".

Due to perfectionism gone too far I have gone from slim, super-fit, toned, intelligent, intellectually and physically active to overweight, disabled and feeling mentally sluggish. It's really really hard !

[Mrs.Bewitched]

Me. Hubby just learns to deal with....I'm always right

[~Boo~]

Mooseketeer, I too hope you find peace.

I enjoy things to be a certain way & I like things to look nice, but I've always tried to not be too much of a perfectionist. My boys have made me realize that being perfect is not as much fun as say... making a mess?! I always wondered where my neatness came from...When I was a teenager & my parents were at work, I would organize the kitchen drawers & clean out my dad's desk. Funny thing is after I moved out my mom said...I need you to come back to clean my house out & throw away all that stuff I didn't know you were throwing away!

Also, my coworkers always thought my desk was too neat & they always threatened to mix my small paperclips with the large ones...yes, I had everything sorted in little bins in my desk! Peter Walsh would be proud of me http://www.peterwalshdesign.com/1hom...boutpeter.html

Another positive is that I will always have a clutter free house.

AksarbeN: sometimes I place a stamp & even a return label just slightly askew...just because...it's my artistic side making fun of the perfectionist in me!