Does Your Mother-in-Law like you? (how much, senior, name, women)

[Deborah53]

My mil was a good woman, she loved me and I her, she passed too soon.

Now I am a mil, at first my daughter in law liked me or appeared to but now she won't speak to me, they live across the country and it is hard to understand what I did to offend her, I have apologized (in a letter) for anything I might have done and received no response. I feel badly but don't want to put pressure on her or my son. He loves her and I certainly don't want to be hurtful or nag so I have adjusted. They are adults and are free to make their own choices. Any thoughts or insight would be great.

[puffle]

Originally Posted by Deborah53

My mil was a good woman, she loved me and I her, she passed too soon.

Now I am a mil, at first my daughter in law liked me or appeared to but now she won't speak to me, they live across the country and it is hard to understand what I did to offend her, I have apologized (in a letter) for anything I might have done and received no response. I feel badly but don't want to put pressure on her or my son. He loves her and I certainly don't want to be hurtful or nag so I have adjusted. They are adults and are free to make their own choices. Any thoughts or insight would be great.

I wouldn't put your son in the middle. Go directly to your DIL over the phone and tell her of your concerns. No letters..too easy to ignore. Never put your child in the middle of a dispute. Puts him/her in a very bad place and it will create problems for them within their relationship due to loyalty to you both. Just my experience talking. Good luck and communicate from love.

[MonaLisaVito]

My MIL loves me, I know this because she tells me all the time. And I think she is the greatest (after my own mom of course) I get along with all of my in-laws very well. Actually, both families get together very well.

[deerislesmile]

She's dead now, but no- she pretty much hated me because I come from a family that is morally strong and hasn't lived beyond their means.. in her words- I was too uppity (funny, because my father is a commercial lobsterman, and I am about as down to earth as a person can get...). She would try to sabotage whatever happiness her son and I had- call me and tell me she thinks he's doing drugs, cheating on me, or whatever other horrible thing she wanted to think up. Because he was a beneficiary on her insurance policies, one of her statements was sent to us by mistake (life insurance) and she spent several weeks calling me and cussing me out (with very colorful language) for trying to steal her policy/money and/or planning to kill her (yeah- some slight psychosis there...). She would buy us really expensive presents for Christmas, though- especially for my son, but not only was it WAY above her means, but I honestly think she did it just so she could say that we didn't reciprocate equally. On more than one occasion, she called claiming she was dying/seriously ill and had Mr.DIS drive down to CT (from Maine) only to use the time he was there to try to get him to leave me and move back in with her. Another time when she came to visit (before I got a backbone..) she *intentionally* fell on the porch and then asked me if my landlord had homeowner's insurance....
She's been gone 2 years, and I still don't feel the least bit sorry for not feeling sorry... Sorry that she had to be like that, because I think she used to be a nice woman, but she wasn't to me.

[puffle]

Originally Posted by deerislesmile

She's dead now, but no- she pretty much hated me because I come from a family that is morally strong and hasn't lived beyond their means.. in her words- I was too uppity (funny, because my father is a commercial lobsterman, and I am about as down to earth as a person can get...). She would try to sabotage whatever happiness her son and I had- call me and tell me she thinks he's doing drugs, cheating on me, or whatever other horrible thing she wanted to think up. Because he was a beneficiary on her insurance policies, one of her statements was sent to us by mistake (life insurance) and she spent several weeks calling me and cussing me out (with very colorful language) for trying to steal her policy/money and/or planning to kill her (yeah- some slight psychosis there...). She would buy us really expensive presents for Christmas, though- especially for my son, but not only was it WAY above her means, but I honestly think she did it just so she could say that we didn't reciprocate equally. On more than one occasion, she called claiming she was dying/seriously ill and had Mr.DIS drive down to CT (from Maine) only to use the time he was there to try to get him to leave me and move back in with her. Another time when she came to visit (before I got a backbone..) she *intentionally* fell on the porch and then asked me if my landlord had homeowner's insurance....
She's been gone 2 years, and I still don't feel the least bit sorry for not feeling sorry... Sorry that she had to be like that, because I think she used to be a nice woman, but she wasn't to me.

OMG deerislesmile! I am so sorry you had such a terrible MIL! How horrible for you and your hubby. I'm just curious about how your husband handled her insanity and desperation? Was he at least supportive of you with eyes wide open?

[Deborah53]

Puffle thanks for the words of encouragement. Yes, I agree it would be unfair to put my son in the middle. She won't answer her phone if I call, therefore I resorted to the letter, now I will wait for us to see each other face to face. By that time maybe she will be ready to talk to me.

[puffle]

Originally Posted by Deborah53

Puffle thanks for the words of encouragement. Yes, I agree it would be unfair to put my son in the middle. She won't answer her phone if I call, therefore I resorted to the letter, now I will wait for us to see each other face to face. By that time maybe she will be ready to talk to me.

I hate confrontations especially of this kind. Be strong and remember she is just a person, not something better than you. Good wishes.

[Tzaphkiel]

My now ex-mother-in-law has absolutely no use for me. When I got divorced, she told my children (then age 4, 4, and 6) to just pretend that their mother (ME) was dead. She is a dangerous person. She is a sociopath. From a spiritual evolution perspective, mothers-in-law are often people who in past incarnations have killed us. Seriously.

She was a person filled with hatred and judgment, racist and homophobic, bitter and dishonest, and I believe she hated me because I stood up for and believed in things like honesty, tolerance, acceptance of all cultures and races. I gave birth to her only grandchildren,but according to her they probably sprang fully formed from her son's navel or something.

[Roselvr]

Originally Posted by puffle

Wow! So many great stories. I feel bad for Roadog not knowing why his MIL doesn't like him. What would she do if you asked her?

My answer is no and I don't know why.
I've actually thought of emailing her & asking if I'm wrong or if she really doesn't.

Originally Posted by deerislesmile

She's dead now, but no- she pretty much hated me .... or whatever other horrible thing she wanted to think up. Because he was a beneficiary on her insurance policies, one of her statements was sent to us by mistake (life insurance) and she spent several weeks calling me and cussing me out (with very colorful language) for trying to steal her policy/money and/or planning to kill her (yeah- some slight psychosis there...).

She's been gone 2 years, and I still don't feel the least bit sorry for not feeling sorry... Sorry that she had to be like that, because I think she used to be a nice woman, but she wasn't to me.

Where do people get this stuff? Yeah, trying to kill her, like she's even worth jail time. Not only that, if someone is convicted, they don't benefit anyway. stupid, stupid people.

[puffle]

Another shining example of narsacism in my MIL...my husband has been in the hospital now since Tues. I called my MIL to give her his room number to call him and was briefly trying to tell her what happened when she interupted to tell me about her health wows. I had to interupt her to tell her that I'm only interested in my husbands health at the moment! She did the same thing when she called him yesterday. He barely got a few words in about his condition when she turns the conversation to all about her. He hung up. Jeesh!!!