Feeling unfulfilled (house, scene, senior, places)

[doglover29]

I've been feeling very unfulfilled lately. Not in my relationship--my marriage is strong and wonderful. Just in the other areas. I'm thinking about perhaps seeing a life coach to work on this. Has anyone had any experiences with life coaches?

The reasons I'm unfulfilled are:

1) I am underemployed yet again and my job bores me. I'm not using my skills and talents in the way that I'd like. Finding a job that is the right fit is difficult because I have a graduate degree in a discipline other than the one I'm interested in, and employers don't want to hire me because my grad degree is in another field and/or they think I'm overqualified. I end up underemployed because of this--and have been for the last 4 years.

2) I have a hard time structuring my time when I'm not at work. I usually end up watching TV, movies or going on the computer instead of working on fun projects that I'd like to do. I've tried scheduling my time but I'm very undisciplined. I wish I was more disciplined to actually work on these.

3) My husband and I are new in town (been here a year and a half) and I've been unable to make any real friends. I have one acquaintance, but that's it. Usually I'm okay with the lack of friends, but lately I've been feeling lonely.

4) I need to be busier. A lot busier. I come home from work and often feel restless and directionless, and I feel that way on the weekends, too. I never have any plans (see lack of friends, above) and I try to go out to fun events on my own which is great but I still need to be busier. I submitted an application to do volunteer work and was super excited about it but was told they can't take anymore volunteers right now. I'm thinking about getting a second job in order to feel busier.

[AksarbeN]

Not knowing what skills you have and the area of work that you’re employed in I would have to say that (and you already know this) the job market sucks right now. Changing jobs now is going to be difficult but you should keep an eye open for something better, knowing that in time it will come your way if you’re working at getting a new job.

It’s difficult to be in a position and underutilized. You did the right thing to look for volunteer work but don’t let that get you down. There are many places that need help in different areas of skill and talent, hospitals, senior care centers just visiting with the residents, schools, libraries, and you could even start your own “online” support group. Depending on your skills and talents you might even start an online business.

You need to keep your skills and talents honed; if you don’t use it you’ll loose it.

And I just thought of possible “part time” work that is in your area of specialties, you might find other businesses or companies that take advantage of your abilities to keep busy.

[Reina Bella]

Hello doglover29, I am sorry to hear that you have been feeling so unfulfilled lately! I can identify with a lot of what you are saying here. I have never had any experiences with a life coach before, so I can't give any advice there, but that sounds interesting.

Is there another place where you would be interested in volunteering? If so I would highly encourage looking into that. I have volunteered at a homeless shelter before and it was amazing. It offered me such a different perspective on things, and I felt that I was actually making a difference. Check out all the possible places you would be interested in volunteering, and stay on top of them for any openings.

Also, I see you love dogs by your handle and assuming you have one or more? You also said you want to do more projects after work but are undisciplined about actually getting to them. I suggest scheduling yourself for something you are interested in that you have to pay for. I know if I do something like this I am much more likely to show up because I have already paid for it and want to get my money's worth! You could schedule you and your pet for a training class. They are fun and I know my dogs and I can always use a brush up on training and discipline! Or do you like working out? Schedule yourself for a local aerobics or yoga class. Not only will you feel like you have accomplished something after each class, but you may even meet a few people too!

I think you should only get that second job as a last option. Focus on getting yourself into an activity or outlet that is going to make you feel happier and not just busier.

I hope this helps!

[mdtoaz]

I can sympathize, sort of. I'm in the process of getting my master's degree, but in the meantime I'm working at a completely boring job. They upside is that I get to work from home.

My husband and I moved out here in July of last year and don't know anyone. He at least gets to meet people from work, but working from home makes that a little difficult for me.

So, I am volunteering at two different places once a week; I joined a gym to get me out of the house and for the possibility of meeting new people - oh, yeah there's the health angle too.

Another thing we did was found a website that sets up different events for people to meet each other. We've gone bowling, gone to lectures, gone to dinner, the dog park... several different things. I've met some nice people that way. I don't know if I'm allowed to post the website, but if your'e interested just send me a private message. It's a pretty laid back scene - not a pick up scene or anything like that. Most of the people we've met are in the same boat - new to the area and looking to get out and meet some people.

[doglover29]

Originally Posted by mdtoaz

Another thing we did was found a website that sets up different events for people to meet each other. We've gone bowling, gone to lectures, gone to dinner, the dog park... several different things. I've met some nice people that way. I don't know if I'm allowed to post the website, but if your'e interested just send me a private message. It's a pretty laid back scene - not a pick up scene or anything like that. Most of the people we've met are in the same boat - new to the area and looking to get out and meet some people.

I go to lots of events and have met lots of nice people, too--but it ends at that--meeting them. No one is interested in the next step, which is getting together outside of the social group.

My husband and I went to a cooking class this weekend, and I met lots of nice gals there. We had a great time. In the past I probably would have asked for one of their email addresses and suggested getting together for coffee. But I've done that so many times and it never gets reciprocated, so I stopped doing it. I got tired of always putting forth the effort and never feeling interest on the part of the other person. However, when you don't put forth any effort you don't get any results, so I'm still friendless, though I was also friendless when I kept asking people to go do things, though.

[McOctopus]

Originally Posted by doglover29

I go to lots of events and have met lots of nice people, too--but it ends at that--meeting them. No one is interested in the next step, which is getting together outside of the social group.

My husband and I went to a cooking class this weekend, and I met lots of nice gals there. We had a great time. In the past I probably would have asked for one of their email addresses and suggested getting together for coffee. But I've done that so many times and it never gets reciprocated, so I stopped doing it. I got tired of always putting forth the effort and never feeling interest on the part of the other person. However, when you don't put forth any effort you don't get any results, so I'm still friendless, though I was also friendless when I kept asking people to go do things, though.

You know this is one of the mysteries of adulthood to me. As we get older it is actually harder to make real friends. All my friends here I have known for years; and while I value them, I miss meeting and learning about new people. When my wife and I idly talk about moving, one thing that always limits us is where we have existing friends. I have had similar experiences to yours actually finding friends--you can meet people, but it's hard to convert contacts into real friendship (doing things outside of the whatever context you met them in). There are activities (like cooking class and volunteering) and websites (I heard of one called Find Couples In your Area You Can Hang Out With | Meet Couple Friends that is aimed at couples) but you need a certain very gregarious personality to really make friends at an activity, and a website seems like an awkward way to meet anyone (also, so many things are more geared to singles).

I guess in a way it makes sense. It's takes a lot of energy (which you mention) to meet people and nurture friendship. As we get older, maybe we have less of that openness that is needed. Like yourself I have a partner (and now a new baby) so I'm not exactly swimming in time like I was in grad school (probably the place where I last made real friends), but it is one of my own goals to try and make more of an effort to expand my base of friends.