Old Fashioned Sayings (name, wife, great, German)

[thefer]

He's not worth air in a jug.

He would rather climb a tree to tell a lie than stand on the ground and tell the truth.

If you can't listen you will have to feel.( then I was sent to my room)

It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than open your mouth and remove all doubt.(my Dad's favorite)

[shuke]

He could talk a dog off the meat wagon.

[RDSLOTS]

My Father had a few that came from his stint in the Marine Corps:

He isn't worth the gunpowder it'd take to blow him to hell.

He's so stupid he couldn't pour pi** from a boot.

If you took his brain and put it in a box, it'd roll like a BB in a boxcar.

[findinghope]

if you can't say something nice, don't say aything at all
there is more than one way to skin a cat
kill 2 birds with one stone
this one my father used to tell me: laugh now, you'll be crying later

[square peg]

From the world of sports - baseball in particular:

that batter couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a snow shovel.


And perhaps an amended older saying:

Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember, when someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown, BUT, it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and slap that mother.

[RDSLOTS]

I never did understand the expression men used, in reference to a woman with a great figure --

"She's built better than a brick sh*t house."

I mean, I get she had a nice shape -- a great one, but what's a brick outhouse?

[jmtilton]

He(she) is so dumb they couldn't pour **** out of a boot with directions on the heel, and an arrow pointing to the heel.

I'm gonna smack you so hard, your kids will be born dizzy.

then there is my personal favorite.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not so sure you realize that what I said is not what I meant.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Another from the UK

"I wouldn't p*ss on him if he were on fire"

"As nervous as a w***e in church"

You can sort of picture that one can't you?

When it would rain hard (as it only can in the spring in Texas) she would call it a Frog strangler, a gully washer.

"Its raining so hard I just saw Noah and the ark go by."

[AksarbeN]

He drives like he’s going to an accident up ahead.

Too stupid to come in out of the rain.

Uglier then the south end of a northbound jackass.

Dumber then a box of rocks.

Slicker then snot on a doorknob.

So poor he didn’t have two nickels to rub together.

He’s not worth a bucket of warm spit.

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

I have a girlfriend who has a pair of identical twin daughters.
She says sometimes "they are like a bag full of tom cats."

This being a bad thing of course.