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Most of us, at one point or another, take a moment to evaluate our lives and the paths that we have chosen to take. We each do it at different times and with different emphasis. Sometimes people do it around high school or college graduation time, when deciding what career to pursue, how we want to be regarded by society, friends, and family or how to transition ourselves from a student to a grown up.
Some people do the evaluative process when planning for a family. Sometimes it takes the illness or death of a family member, or some other tragic event to make us stop and see if we are taking our life in the right direction.
For many of us, however, hitting a certain age can cause one to stop and take pause. This happened to me in March 2008. I had just hit the big 3-4 and I realized that in 6 years I would be 40 years old. I started thinking about this because I feel I have not accomplished as much as I would have liked and being that I am currently unemployed and have only interviewed for crappy jobs thus far I am hoping that I can change this situation and get a few things accomplished, like starting my home business and possibly buying 1 or 2 businesses as well.
Now, I have been saying and believing that today’s 40 is yesterday’s 30, but I was still a bit shocked at the prospect that I would soon be what I had always considered middle aged.
On a serious note, I've never been one that age bothered. It did strike me as odd one day how we seem to spend the first half of our lives wanting to be older, and the second half wanting to be younger.
Turning 40 for me was no big deal, but you are right in that it causes one to pause and re-evaluate. I got out of a dead-end marriage, changed my workplace albeit not my career, lost weight, and dyed my hair. I was so much happier, more fulfilled, for all of it.
Ten years later, and duh, but I turned 50. Still, it didn't bother me, but something hit me straight between the eyes. At 40, I considered myself in the 20-30-40-something-year-olds group, but at 50, I felt I had actually less in common with them, but didn't quite see myself in the 50-60-70 crowd, either. Kind of an awkward place to be, but I reconcile myself to the fact that age is, after all, a number. I feel NO differently than what I did much younger -- more poised perhaps, self-assured, less concerned with what others may think, and actually for the first time in my life, really ready to take on the world.
One of my favorite life's lessons came from my former father-in-law, who, when I complained about never feeling grown-up (having passed all of the 'markers' -- HS graduation, college graduation, first job, supporting myself on what I made, getting married, buying a house, having a child), bless his heart, but he reached for my hand and looked me in the eye and said, "Babydoll, if you are lucky, you will never feel grown-up."
I consider myself most lucky. I am 50, and I still don't feel grown-up. If it makes you feel better, 50 is actually touted 'the old 30'. So, at 40, you are still a 'baby.'
Yeah, dude, I hit 37 last year and kinda freaked...
I agree, once the big "4-0" is on your horizon, there is quite a powerful and compelling psychological dynamic that comes into play. In my experience this has caused a major shift in perspective and outlook, and several important concerns now bounce around my head like an endless game of "Pong" on my old Atari.
1. 40 years old. Wow, that means in just another 10 years I'll be 50, i.e. almost an old man. Jeeez....
2. Uhhhh, I'm not financially prepared to retire, uhhh not in the least. Shucks.
3. Hmmmmm.... 20's: "I'm young and learnin' a lot"; 30's: "I'm still young and I've learned how to enjoy life even more!"; 40's: "Ack, what happened, life doesn't go on forever, time is running out, there's a buncha stuff I want to accomplish and experience before I pass..."
4. I am very youthful and know I could be very sharp and productive into my 80's (yeah, I do yoga...), but will the rest of the world let me? I mean, I've noticed after 35, people start to really make judgments about you based on your job, career, perceived wealth & status, etc. Most of these judgments are hasty and flimsy, groundless and incorrect, but they still negatively impact me !! (e.g. you don't get hired for a job)
5. I'm considering going back to college, but if I finish at 42, is it worth it. I mean, can I even be hired in corporate America after I'm 50 (I doubt it). Maybe I need to pursue a new career that will let me be self-employed, so I can decide when I should retire.
6. As I approach 40, I have acquired a remarkably more accurate and comprehensive perception of "reality". Unfortunately, it's kinda sad. I really, really understand now how messed-up, cruel, dishonest, and corrupt this world is...nothing is at it appears on the surface. When you are younger, you just see the bright, shiny surface of "reality", and you mistake that for "reality". I think many people are just plain lucky enough that they make it to old age without ever recognizing in any meaningful way, what's below life's "bright, shiny surface". I guess that's what they call blissful ignorance or something, well, I ain't got that no mo...
It's all relative. Given that the average life expectancy far exceeds what it was for our grandparents' generation, 40 is not even middle-aged today.
In my Father's day, turning 40 must've seemed so much closer 'to the end,' whatever his generation perceived that to be -- retirement and old age? a nursing home? orthopaedic shoes? a cane, or worse, maybe a walker? If you put any stock into the old comedies, say Walter Matthau's films, a 40-year-old man had to trade that wife in, get the convertible, and just go for his last wing-ding of a fling. I'm not sure if 'we' feel that pressure today? I don't seem to see it in my generation.
I much prefer the take in the TV commercial Dennis Hopper is in these days about the Baby Boomers and retirement, and how we're re-writing it all. Or the commercial featuring the men's hair dye product, and 'the dude' is still surfing.
I don't mean to step on your toes, but you act a little like an old 40.
When I turned 40 it didn't bother me at all. Same can be said for 50 and 60. I figure it's because I died at 30. I can't explain it but 30 killed me. I was almost in depression for about 6 mos. I had a good job, doing something I liked. A wife who is an angel. In fact I feel sorry for anyone who is not married to her because they could have done better. A son who at that age enjoyed spending time with dad as much as I enjoyed spending time with him. A comfortable home that doubled in value in the 5 years we lived there. In short the only thing I didn't have then that I do now is the age I was so afraid of. That is what makes the difference---time. Life like good wine gets better with age, to a point. Enjoy it before it turns to vinegar. Time spent thinking what could have been is less time to do what can be.
Kiss your wife, hug your kids, tell your family you love them. Serve your God and as much as it depends on you live at peace with mankind.
Location: Finally made it to Florida and lovin' every minute!
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40 was one of the best years of my life.
There's something about the years that end in 0 that scare us all, it seems. When I was turning 50, I was really down about the whole thing. For some strange reason, the day of my 50th b'day, I woke up and realized that I had (and still have) a wonderful marriage, a job that didn't make me want to jump out a window every day, I didn't scare young children when I walked down the street, and I was in terrific health. Somehow, the number didn't mean so much any more. 3-1/2 years later, I've been lucky enough to have been able to retire early and move to a nice community with my wonderful spouse and enjoy every day that I've been given. Life is good, friend. Live it and don't worry about a number that is actually quite arbitrary.
the big deal about turning 40 well lets see............
Being 40 I had a life changing moment the other day.I found a grey hair.........down there.
Now I had greys start popping up in my early 30's.No biggy dye the hair.But that!!!
Also,being 40 seeing a good looking 20 year old well the only thing that will happen is you will see....because unless you have some serious mojo happening or she has a taste for older dudes it just ain't happening.
Being 40 means the dating market means the woman will probably have kids or maybe already grown hopefully.They will probably have been divorced and may have baggage from that.
Overall though I don't feel forty as long as I keep on the hair dye.Last year and so far this year has probably been 2 of the best years I can remember for me.
The way I see it as long as I keep my chin up,my amp loud,my woody hard everything will be alright.
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No big deal. . .
I agree, once the big "4-0" is on your horizon, there is quite a powerful and compelling psychological dynamic that comes into play. In my experience this has caused a major shift in perspective and outlook, and several important concerns now bounce around my head like an endless game of "Pong" on my old Atari.
