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Old 01-24-2007, 07:48 PM
 
3,146 posts, read 3,940,886 times
Reputation: 4582

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15 Things it took me my whole life to learn...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
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Old 01-24-2007, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,813 posts, read 11,248,737 times
Reputation: 2000001219
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYTom View Post
15 Things it took me my whole life to learn...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.Jeepers...not a pretty picture you paint! I've never taken a sleeping pill before and I don't think I've ever taken a laxative either...!

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."Agreed!

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."I'll have to think this one over. It might open new doors to my introspection and my views of others...

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.Well of course! Why bother wasting your time listening to pagan zealots when you're right?

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.I have learned that!

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important) After two martinis I don't care how well I dance either

7. Never lick a steak knife. That should be a disclaimer on speaking with "forked tongue"

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.It definitely is destructive, but often evil fun. I'm guilty.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.I actually find it logical myself and don't mind it at all...although, now that most of American farming isn't family run anymore...I guess we could look for ending it?

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. Been there, done that...

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.Agreed! I've never, ever been keen on birthdays, but I try to remember two, my mother's and my sister's (we're twins )

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.Someone should appoint me judge because there's a study out that Aries and Libras are statistically bad drivers! I am not a bad driver, just impatient

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) I'd actually need a few more examples before I went that far to judge, though I agree it would influence my opinion of the person being nice to me and rude to the waiter negatively

14. Your friends love you anyway.your friends never would ask you to do something dangerous or stupid using the excuse "you would if you loved me" because they know that if it were them being asked to do the same thing that put them at unnecessary risk, they would answer "you wouldn't ask me to do that if YOU loved ME!"

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
I agree, don't be afraid to try something new, but don't be an idiot adventurer either and remember as you age you gained common sense and have hopefully learned your limitations....Use it!
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Old 01-24-2007, 09:44 PM
 
Location: Happy wherever I am - Florida now
3,359 posts, read 9,768,334 times
Reputation: 3754
Thanks for the laugh NYTom.

I'd also like to add to #13 - You can tell how generous a person is by how much they tip! The extreme is my mother who insists on 30% and I've seen her give up to 50%. Then there's the bf who gives a dollar no matter what, unless he gives none.
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Old 01-25-2007, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Jersey
2,098 posts, read 5,438,890 times
Reputation: 938
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYTom View Post
15 Things it took me my whole life to learn...

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. (This one is very important)

7. Never lick a steak knife.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age 11.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)

14. Your friends love you anyway.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
I'm still laughing...those were AWESOME!!!!! If I could give you a million rep points I would...I love you, that was like the best post I've ever read on here!!
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Old 01-25-2007, 10:02 AM
 
5,019 posts, read 11,610,297 times
Reputation: 6872
You can find the original list in the book "Dave Barry Turns 50" by Dave Barry.

The title is actually: "25 Things I Have Learned in 50 Years"

I'd print it here but the mods don't like copyrighted material you can find it on line using those keywords.

Still, great stuff. I just like to see authors get credited when due.
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Old 01-25-2007, 10:18 AM
 
Location: Austin, TX
10,853 posts, read 24,855,859 times
Reputation: 4881
#13 was recently cited as a major hiring factor by several CEOs for top positions. I don't remember the article, but I may have to go look up the link.

Found it: http://www.usatoday.com/money/compan...ter-rule_x.htm

Last edited by Trainwreck20; 01-25-2007 at 10:34 AM.. Reason: added link
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Old 01-25-2007, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Patriot Nation!
649 posts, read 2,281,627 times
Reputation: 414
Can I add another?

Always laugh at you father-in-law's jokes!
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Old 06-17-2007, 03:46 AM
 
Location: Az.
1,198 posts, read 961,929 times
Reputation: 345
My 10 things I learned over the years:

1. Learned to be a better driver (it takes time to be really good).

2. Don't take laxatives too often (I had terrible stomach problems for a while when I was in my early 20's).

3. Sunbathing cautiously (using sunscreen, not baby oil, will still give me a tan, just not the burn!!)

4. Not to color my hair so often during the year (makes my hair too brittle at the ends and I don't want to have short hair again).

5. Can't make everyone like me (I remember I used to try everything for every man to like me. That is so wrong. Just be myself and just enjoy the one's that do).

6. Exercise at least 5 days a week (I used to be sporadic at times, but I realized that this isn't good).

7. Kind of watch what I eat now (Some foods, I've noticed in the past fews years, don't agree with me. Some bloat me too much and some don't go down easy for me).

8. Blowdrying my hair only when I'm going out of the house (I used to have a bad habit of blowdrying it everytime my hair was wet from the shower. This made my hair too dry at the ends).

9. Using a specific shampoo and conditioner for my hair (I used to use anything, but some of the brands were too harsh on my hair.)

10. Preferring to watch my DVD's over certain T.V. shows (I don't like a lot of the T.V. shows they have nowadays).
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Old 06-17-2007, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Kirkwood, DE and beautiful SXM!
12,053 posts, read 17,462,767 times
Reputation: 31631
Next number: If my dog doesn't like someone, they are not worth knowing.
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