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I'm not sure how many fathers are on this thread, but as a father of boys I can offer my input. My parents never physically disciplined me, and I don't spank or hit my children. I did however pick up a few things from my grandmother. A tug on the ear will usually convince a belligerent child to be more compliant, or pinch the collar bone. I have used these occasionally when they were being especially disruptive.
I think the most important thing, is never do anything in anger. It sounds simplistic, but I think it's important. I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with spanking, but it should never be done in the heat of the moment. That is how things get out of control.
I had no hesitation about spanking my kids, if they were out of line, when they were little. Notice, I did say spank, not beat/abuse. Common sense tells most people the difference! Even my daughter, (my first-born, and very strong-willed), did not throw temper tantrums in public, such as was described about that little girl on the plane. A look from me was generally all it took, because she knew I would not tolerate such behavior. And, if she did edge closer to a tantrum, we made a trip to the restroom, in short order. The problem, nowadays, is that the do-gooders of the world want to throw out the baby with the bathwater! Acknowledging, and addressing, the problem of abuse, is an entirely different matter, than allowing parents to deal with their children's behavior, whether they choose to use spanking, grounding, or any other reasonable means. I do believe that there is a time to spank, and a time to talk, etc. And, I believe that when a child comes to a certain age, spanking no longer is effective, as it tends to anger and frustrate the child. The last time I ever spanked my kids, they were probably around ten, or so. At which point, there were other ways to get my point across, such as the taking away of privileges, etc.
Most importantly, be consistant, be fair, and be calm! The lesson you are trying to teach your children is proper behavior, (which will stand them in good stead, as adults), which will be entirely lost on them, if you don't hold to these three principles.
Also what about bullies at school? I'm sure most all of us have experiences with it. Nowadays parents are filing harrasement on them instead of teaching their kids to stand up and fight. I remember my dad teaching me how to stand up for myself and throw a few punches at this kid. I was taught that if you got knocked down; to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in it. We're losing this anymore, now they have counseling...
Ok, end of my little rant. What are your views?
We have experienced a lovely bully for the past two yrs. This kid has beat on or thretoned every child in the school younger than him. He loved to push my son down and try to kick him. Lucky for my son to be a big kid and he is taller and stronger than that bully. BUT, the school was afraid of the bullies family, which is huge as well, and they did nothing to stop this kid.
I told my son to fight back and I will stand up for him and he came back and told me that the principal said that he would kick him out of school if he stood up for himself.
So we moved, a whole 12 miles away and still to this day have problems that that lil jerks family. My son's now ex teacher in the new school, is this brats aunt. She started in on my son and telling him that he was a bad kid and that she would spank him if she felt like it. My son got to where he would cry and cry when I would drop him off at school. Well that didn't go over with me and I told her what I thought of her and her family and pulled my son out of school and now we do home school.
I have since found out that the bully is even worse that what we had thought. I guess since we have moved he began to pick on other kids and their parents have told their kids to stick up for themselves and that they didn't care what the principal said.
The experience that I have had with the Idaho school system from the East side to South Central ID, has not been good at all and I don't have anything nice to say about the schools here!
I need help! My three year old daughter goes to bed at 8pm. Looks at books until 9. Roams between my room and her room. Has to have her overhead bright light on all night or can't sleep. When I turn it off during the night she wakes up bawling. By 3am this morning after waking me up twice before that, believe me, I wanted to do more than "talk" to her about what she was feeling. I have two other children that are sleeping and my husband gets up at 2:30am to be to work by 4am. I usually have to sleep with the three year old to try and keep her quite. That's alot of fun in a twin size bed. This morning I took the bulbs out of the overhead light and told her it was broken. I'm taking her to Walmart for her to pick out her own night light. One night of uninterrupted sleep would be heaven. Any suggestions would be great!:
Topsekret, has her sleeping been a problem since she was a baby?
I feel your pain. My daughter (now six) had me up during the night for years. I don't think I got a full night's rest with her until the middle of year three! Now, she is the easiest of the bunch. I really think it's because I was so patient with her.
She had a lot of anxiety, though so I tried not to get angry. That's not easy to do in the middle of the night. Do you think that's the issue? I have two others who've had (and sometimes still do) nighttime issues, but I'm a little tougher on them because I know they are not as scared. Just being kids, you know?
Why not leave the light on for her? It makes her more comfortable and doesn't hurt anyone, right? I still do that for my 4 yr. old. Same thing, if I shut it off, or close her door, she wakes up crying. Why do that to yourself?
I would, however, put a stop to the roaming around at night. I used to put a gate at my daughter's door. Yes, she could climb over it, but she never did. My thinking was that it's a lot scarier to roam around the hall at night (a hallway can seem very long for a toddler!) than to be confined in your room.
I have done the same as you to keep my husband sane. I still sleep on the floor sometimes in my son's room (15mo.) just so his crying doesn't wake up the rest of the family.
An overworked and underpaid bunch, aren't we?
TopSekret and Ms. Charlotte are saints. I kept my parents up for years I'm sure not only as a baby, but as small child. I had night terrors and would wake up screaming and afraid to go back to sleep. From about 12 to 18 I didn't want to wake up, wanted to sleep all day and be lazy and they had to drag me out of bed! I don't think about it much, the price my parents paid, but when I think about it after reading your posts, I have a lot more appreciation for the patience of both my parents.
There was a recent study about discipline what works and what doesn’t. The majority of people who said their form of discipline wasn’t working were just using “time out” as their form of discipline.
Of course “time out” doesn’t work. Look at the recidivism rate in prisons. All the inmates are doing is taking a “time out”.
There was a recent study about discipline what works and what doesn’t. The majority of people who said their form of discipline wasn’t working were just using “time out” as their form of discipline.
Of course “time out” doesn’t work. Look at the recidivism rate in prisons. All the inmates are doing is taking a “time out”.
I know of another recent study done by a psychologist at UC Berkeley that concluded that an occassional mild swat on the backside, arms, or legs did not scar the child for life. Her name was Dr. Diana Baumrind, and she opposed spanking when she did the study. The psychological problems were realated to shaking, blows to the head and face (Yikes )
topsekret, I feel your pain. When my youngest was about 3 weeks old she slept one night straight for 13 hours. OMY heavens, it was AWESOME!!! Everyone was like, "that is no fair". My response, "yes it is. I have a 5 year old that still wakes me EVERY night." To this day my husband still asks how I can function on 5-6 hours of sleep. I don't know, I just do. Anyway, w/ my oldest she would wake me just to come sleep in our room, go to the bathroom get a drink, etc. We had a loveseat in our bedroom and it took me about a year to get her to just go lay there and go to sleep instead of waking me. Besides, she has scared me out of my skin more than ever. She would just stand at the side of my bed and stare at me. I'd wake up feeling a prescense and it would be her. Child, stop it before you give me a heartattack. She was about 8 before she finally got the hint that she could get up and get a drink and go to the bathroom w/o having to wake me to inform me of such. Gee, thank you.
She also had "night tremors". OMY, those were HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She would be kicking and screaming in the middle of the night. Her eyes could be open and you would think she was awake. We tried everything and nothing worked till one night I got a washcloth and wet it and put it on her face. SHE STOPPED. OMGosh, it worked. She would quiet down and go right back to sleep. Next morning she never remembered a thing. I think sometimes in our trying to get her screaming and carrying on we probably woke her up before we learned the wet cloth trick. This child is now 12 and still has to have two night lights on when she goes to bed. She still gets up out of her bed and ends up on the couch in the gameroom (hey, at least it is out of my room). Sometimes she never remembers.
Try having your daughter drink a glass of milk at night. I've got mine doing it now on a routine basis. Almost nightly she comes back down after we put them to bed and fixes herself a glass of milk. It has something in it that helps you go to sleep.
Now that was my oldest........ my youngest. Oh dear. She is I swear ADDHD but we have not been diagnosed nor on meds except for asthma (which is enough as they do have steriods and heavy doses of them when in rescue mode). If your daughter happens to be on any asthma or allergy meds tell your doctor. This sometimes is the culprit and they can change them up. Before this one started school it was a bear to get her to sleep at night. She had too much energy. My older child had to be mentally worn out and do some physical exertion to go to sleep. My youngest just has to be moving and when she started school and no longer got a nap........ she passed out FAST every night. Now that she is 8 she goes right off to sleep when we put them to bed at 8:00. BTW, I figured out years ago that the earlier I put them to bed the better and easier they went to sleep. If I waited any time PAST 8:30 it was hard for both of them to go to sleep. So try maybe putting her down at 7 or 7:30. For a few days if she still takes a nap keep her busy all day w/o a nap and see how she does about going to sleep. Some kids need more of either mental of physical activity to make them tired. Find the right mix and the right time to put her to bed. It may take some tweaking to find it but it is there.
Good luck
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Anyway, w/ my oldest she would wake me just to come sleep in our room, go to the bathroom get a drink, etc. We had a loveseat in our bedroom and it took me about a year to get her to just go lay there and go to sleep instead of waking me. Besides, she has scared me out of my skin more than ever. She would just stand at the side of my bed and stare at me. I'd wake up feeling a prescense and it would be her. 
Child, stop it before you give me a heartattack. She was about 8 before she finally got the hint that she could get up and get a drink and go to the bathroom w/o having to wake me to inform me of such. Gee, thank you.
