Punishment these days... (kids, American, high school, family)

[Ms.Charlotte]

Originally Posted by momof2dfw

Besides, she has scared me out of my skin more than ever. She would just stand at the side of my bed and stare at me. I'd wake up feeling a prescense and it would be her. Child, stop it before you give me a heartattack.

Oh my gosh! I laughed when I read this! My 6yr. old daughter does the same! My husband get freaked out that I wake up just from her stare. She scares the life out of me every time!

Well, topsekret, if we haven't helped at least you know you're not alone! We should just write to eachother at 3 am!

[exhdo1]

Originally Posted by SpeedyAZ

Well this evening I went out to dinner with my pop and we were discussing different topics. Well the whole punishment issue for a child came up. About how nowadays parents are supossed to get their kids to talk about their feelings, what they did wrong, and etc. How does everyone feel about this?

How many of us remember sharing our feelings when we were younger? Did we talk about what we did wrong and what were going to do to fix it?

I remember when I did anything wrong as a child, I usually got spanked or kicked in the rear a few times. Boy, did I sure learn my lesson in a hurry! I don't think this modern-day punishment is working on kids. A few parents I know use the "talk about it" approach and their kids just keep getting away with stuff. I don't think it's teaching them anything...

Also what about bullies at school? I'm sure most all of us have experiences with it. Nowadays parents are filing harrasement on them instead of teaching their kids to stand up and fight. I remember my dad teaching me how to stand up for myself and throw a few punches at this kid. I was taught that if you got knocked down; to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in it. We're losing this anymore, now they have counseling...

Ok, end of my little rant. What are your views?

I told my son the same thing when he was younger. Don't let anyone push you around and if you get into a fight make sure the other kid knows he was in a fight. My son has always been one of the bigger kids in his age group and never got picked on but he used to get into it all the time if he saw a smaller kid getting picked on by a bully. He also has a very good friend that has C.P. that is wheel chair bound. Many of the kids would make fun of him and my son would stick up for him. I paid a few visits to the principals office because of his actions and told her that I approved of his actions. Needless to say I wasn't one of her favorite dads. I also told him that getting into it with girls is out of bounds. By the way. I grew up in the fifties and there was no such thing as time out. My mother gave us smack once in a while when we were younger but quickly graduated to throwing anything that she had in her hand when we got older. Now my father was a different story. Typical Irishman that grew up in hell's kitchen and was a pretty tough guy. When he gave it to you, you straightened right up real quick. My older brother once raised his hands to my mother and my father flattened him. He joined the army two weeks later. We had the fear / respect thing going on with him. I also grew up in a time when the local neighborhood beat cop would give you a kick in the can if you needed it. Last but not least we also had Sister Mary break your knuckles and all her accomplices to deal with in school everyday. A day without a smack, crack or ducking a frying pan was a good day. I don't think it affected me................. ?

[kimmieyky]

I feel the same way you do. I truly believe when corporal punishment was taken out of schools, along with the Pledge of Alligence and prayer - so came the demise of younger generations.

I remember days when every teacher had a paddle in the classroom, kids were taken into the hall for a spanking if they needed it - and the world was a better place. If you got it at school, it was worse at home.

I believe the ones who were paddled and resented it are now the ones in power working to take away all dicsipline. When a parent cannot discipline a child in public - or even in their own home without fear of being arrested for child abuse and having their children taken away - there is absolutely something wrong.

Not all states seem to be as bad with the 'abuse' thing. Thankfully - even though in the bigger cities in Kentucky you will find yuppies who refuse to spank and want to 'reason' with their kids - most of the population in Kentucky still believe in the old ways. But the farther into the cities you go, the more careful you must be, and the less discipline you will find.

Kids must have rules. They must know where the boundaries are. They will cry and complain, but they feel much safer when they know where those lines are and that there are consequences. It brings order to a young mind who would, left to himself, become out of control. My youngest, after asking to go out with some friends in 7th grade and I said 'no', came to me and hugged me saying 'thanks mom. I didn't want to go, and they told me I was dumb , so I said I would ask. Thanks for saying no.' Parents have the power to keep their kids from making horrible mistakes and putting them in awkward situations. They just won't do it.

Tantrums do not fly with me. They never have. Both of my boys tried it once or twice, and never again. They were spanked - not beaten, and put in a corner. The old saying, "stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about" is not used nearly as often as it should be. Tattling was not tolerated when I was growing up, and I didn't tolerate it with my kids and their friends. I would tell them - "if you are not bleeding or dying I don't want to hear about it". When they found out they could not make me jump every 2 seconds , it stopped.

I feel so sorry for this young generation and the past few which have been raised. So many things have changed - and as they hit society and the working world, they find things do not always go their way. Those spoiled ones growing up are now the ones always complaining at work, or running and gossiping to get in good with the boss or filing useless lawsuits which stop up the justice system, preventing real cases from getting through. No discipline creates a society in which we ALL pay the price.

I do not understand how a parent can believe giving into a child's every whim is a good thing. Better that they learn to be disappointed and learn how to behave when they are young. You cannot start the training process when they become teenagers.

Do you remember school shootings and gangs with guns and drugs when we were growing up? I know they have existed on some level, but it was cigarettes, alcohol and maybe marijuana. But those groups of kids were small. We all had the fear of God in us and knew better. We got into our share of trouble, but it was due to breaking curfew, or getting a bad grade on a report card. Nothing like today.

I witnessed a young girl - about 27 or so - with her 3 year old in a small shop last week. The girl was actually WORKING there, and was allowed to bring her child - which can be a great thing. The little fella followed me around (which I did not mind, he was cute), but soon began picking things up and attempting to throw them. Rather than snatching him up and making him sit still, she only said 'Hunter, if you don't behave, mommy is going to take you to NaNa's". "Nooooooo!" he screamed. This happened over and over the whole time I was in the store. She told me he was afraid of old people so when he acted up she would tell him that. Wow - now that is discipline.

To conclude on a subject I could go on and on about all day - when my kids were small and I had to work, there were days when I had no sitter and was lucky enough to bring them with me. They took a few toys, coloring books, and i took lots of snacks and pilows. They would sit in the floor and you never knew they were there. Over half of the kids I see today should not be allowed in public - let alone in a place of work.

The kids on the new "Willie Wonka" with Johnny Depp are representative of the poor little ones running their parents lives theses days - and while the demise of the 'Golden Ticket Winners' is obviously extreme - but there is a consequence for both the parents and the child at some point. I feel badly because they cannot see what they are raising. Poor children.

KimmieyKY

[lookingfortheperfectplace]

Since I have a boy I fear bullies. I will teach him to fight back. If that doesn't work I would switch schools, move to another state, or do whatever it takes to stop it. It makes me so sad to hear about kids having horrible relentless bullies and even killing themselves because of it.
I would have to kick the parents ass also before we moved

[jest721]

Originally Posted by kimmieyky

I feel the same way you do. I truly believe when corporal punishment was taken out of schools... came the demise of younger generations.

I remember days when every teacher had a paddle in the classroom, kids were taken into the hall for a spanking if they needed it - and the world was a better place.

I clearly come from a different era, but I have a hard time allowing someone else to physically discipline my children. This probably comes from the social changes in the years between your childhood and mine. I don't think that raising children takes a village anymore, it has become individualized. I think that mirrors our whole society, we have become socially isolated. Rambling, sorry, anyway, I don't like anyone else spanking my children.

[Ms.Charlotte]

Kimmiey,
I respect your choices on disciplining your children, however, to say that not spanking is equivalent to not disciplining your child at all is incorrect. Obviously there are other means which are very effective.

The problems we have with our children involve so much more than our methods of discipline. We have working parents who aren't even raising their own children. We have a society that shoves sexual images down our children's throats every chance they get. We have children who get TVs and computers in their rooms. Pre-teens with cell phones, Gucci bags and IPods.
We have parents who watch "Reality TV" every night with their little ones watching right along. I mean, really, the list goes on.

I was never spanked yet I sat in silence whenever my parents took us out. We respected them. I don't spank my children yet all three of them are well behaved. My 4 year old has NEVER had a tantrum. That's because she has seen me discipline my older daughter. She knows I mean business.

Studies on spanking vs. time outs can be so flawed it's ridiculous. How can anyone possibly monitor a parent's method of discipline? I could say I spank my child as discipline and never out of anger yet beat him to a pulp when no one is around. I could say I use time outs but be totally inconsistent in all my methods of alternative discipline. Too much room for error. Any Mom who has other friends with children can tell you that. I have friends who claim to use certain forms of punishment an do ot whenever they feel like it, or time allows.

[jest721]

Good post. I believe it is different for every child. The reason studies are ineffective, is there is no accurate measure on a contorl group. I discipline my sons differently than each other, and for making different mistakes. I don't spank them when they draw their L's backwards obviously, and I don't let it go when they do something flagrantly malicious.

[my3arabs]

Originally Posted by jest721

I clearly come from a different era, but I have a hard time allowing someone else to physically discipline my children. This probably comes from the social changes in the years between your childhood and mine. I don't think that raising children takes a village anymore, it has become individualized. I think that mirrors our whole society, we have become socially isolated. Rambling, sorry, anyway, I don't like anyone else spanking my children.

I agree with you. I should be the one who either spanks or not. I don't believe that anyone else has that right to hit my child. The teachers and principals shouldn't even be allowed to make such a threat to a child. They did to my son and they were not happy with my responce, which I will not repeat on here. That is my child not theirs and he knows how to act in school and in public and he will be punnished my way if he doesn't behave.

[MoMark]

Wow, and here I thought I was the only one who was the recipient of the phrase "Do you want something to cry about?" from my dad as a kid..! I did get spanked and spanked hard on occasion. I also was the recipient of the kneecap squeeze and neck pincher move at times.
So, let's see if this was universal too...
You know how you get into a car and if it takes more than forty minutes, the kids will be asking every two minutes... "Are we there yet?" " How many more miles until we're there dad/mom?"...
My dad used to drive us crazy because he'd look straight ahead and simply say "we'll know when we get there".
Or...
"Dad, where are we going?"
His response was always: "Crazy".

[joee]

The no spanking in my opinion is not working what so ever, kids the older ones, know all too well how to play the game of abuse in there favor over nothing.

when i grew up my dad never really did much, but when he got fed up with what you were doing then you better watch out, you were in for it then.

my mom, well my brother and me had our share of the old sneaky backhand slap, now that will get your attention real fast.
we decided 1 day to flip peas at each other at the table, we were getting by with it for a while then out of the blue that ol slap came across, that was the end of the peas.

then my grandma, had the granddaddy of them all, that wicked lil green switch fresh from the tree.
you get switched with that across the legs your going to do some mighty high steppin.

another thing, when i was a kid you called other kids parents mr & mrs, now days kids call them by there first name, that was a definate no no years ago.

the bully thing, well i never was a big guy so i had to either take it, sidestep the guy, or run & i could run pretty fast lol. you'll never see a small sized bully, nor an intelegent bully.