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Old 01-29-2007, 03:39 PM
 
1,104 posts, read 3,325,250 times
Reputation: 641

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I was just reading Madre0f3's post in the "Two Days to Live" thread and I started thinking. We've all shared so much about ourselves--when a pet has died, birthdays, vacations, divorces, highs and lows. One thing we really never have discussed is the loss of a loved one and I definitely know how important it is to be able to share those feelings and special memories of that person with another. I've experienced too many times the uncomfortableness some people feel when I mention someone I miss.
Maybe this thread will prove to be too uncomfortable, but I wanted to start it just incase there was anyone who wanted someplace to talk and someone to listen. Can't speak for everyone on here, but I know I won't mind listening.
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Old 01-29-2007, 04:42 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
986 posts, read 2,801,031 times
Reputation: 849
grammy, I talked to you about this before... The anniversary of my brothers death is coming up next month. There is never a day that goes by that I do not think about him. I remember his apartment, his truck that he drove, how he looked on his wedding day, how much he loved my son, if we woke up in the morning to find that it snowed my son knew my brother would be on his way to take him out to build snowman. I could go on forever with my memories....I just miss him..............Thanks Grammy for letting me say that
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Old 01-29-2007, 04:44 PM
 
Location: Central Kentucky
850 posts, read 3,149,021 times
Reputation: 531
Grammy - you were one of the first people to welcome me here, and your words have more than once touched my heart and lifted my spirits.

Know why I was drawn to you? Because you remind me of home. The feeling I had when I was little. Something about you puts me right back there and I feel like I am home.

So -to share this with you is comfortable.

I have dealt with death way too many times already, maternal grandparents in 1994 two months apart, uncle that summer, step-mother in 1997 from Brain tumor, and paternal grandfather in 2002.
The deaths were rough - as an only child, I had much to handle on my own, but God saw me through.

The worst - the 'death' of my biological father. He divorced my mother when I was 19. I was married and had my first child, and he left us, too.

Over the years, he has never made an effort to contact us much - I have tried, but he says he doesn't want to be a father. He doesn't want to be a grandfather either, and the boys are the only two he will ever have.

So - I have buried him - he is dead to me. I have cried a million tears, but it's okay.

My 'Daddy' lives in Florida, loves me and tells everyone about his 'daughter' (he has 3 boys), and everybody remarks how much I look like my 'dad'! I really do, it's funny. My boys love him, and they respect him. He is the rock of our family.

Losing my biological father - after being raised by him, was the most painful thing I have ever endured. Worse than any marital problems, deaths or anything I have faced, for sure. And it was very painful for Alex, my oldest. He still deals with it - but like I said, I buried him a long time ago and it is okay.

Alex intends to marry in March. He wants me to send an invitation to 'Pops', as he called him when he was little. I will - but I know the ending.
How you can walk away from a child and two innocent grandchildren I will never understand.

He lives in Mexico with his 3rd wife, and comes back to KY every now and then. His mother, my grandmother lives in Louisville, and I am not allowed to see her either. She is 90, and I could sneak and visit, but she feels obligated to tell him everything - and at her age she does not need the stress.
So, I suppose I have buried her, too. My cousin takes good care of her and I am thankful for that. She picks her up and takes her to family gatherings.

Don't know if I am better - but funny - it was weighing on my mind today, as I sit here and look at these invitations to the wedding. How did you know?

KimmieyKY
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Old 01-29-2007, 04:46 PM
 
Location: Central Kentucky
850 posts, read 3,149,021 times
Reputation: 531
Quote:
Originally Posted by milliebfit View Post
grammy, I talked to you about this before... The anniversary of my brothers death is coming up next month. There is never a day that goes by that I do not think about him. I remember his apartment, his truck that he drove, how he looked on his wedding day, how much he loved my son, if we woke up in the morning to find that it snowed my son knew my brother would be on his way to take him out to build snowman. I could go on forever with my memories....I just miss him..............Thanks Grammy for letting me say that
God Bless you. You must have been very, very dear to him. My prayers are with you as you get through the upcoming anniversary.

KimmieyKY
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Old 01-29-2007, 06:39 PM
 
1,104 posts, read 3,325,250 times
Reputation: 641
Millie, the loss of a sibling too soon is so hard--I know. Your brother sounds like he was fun to be around. I hope you and your son share your memories often. I think when we share memories it keeps a person alive--if only in our hearts......and I know what you mean--there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of all my angels.


Kimmiey, like I told you--I have a Kimmy too. A lifetime ago I was divorced. My girls' biological father decided afterwards that he wanted a new family. I know the heartbreak that caused them. Fortunately, I met someone that didn't mind becoming their Dad and being part of their lives. My oldest daughter decided a long time ago she wanted nothing to do with her biological father, but my youngest daughter did try on a few occasions to form some kind of relationship. Things didn't work out and she was able to just let it go. I often worry that I've scarred my children for life, but they're pretty awesome adults, so hopefully I haven't. And hopefully you're not. I think everything you've gone through has made you a very kind and compassionate human being. I'm sorry for your "father". He's missing out on such a wonderful person.
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Old 01-29-2007, 07:17 PM
 
Location: NJ/SC
4,343 posts, read 14,733,124 times
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Grammy,

My grandfather just died last Friday and it's been extremely difficult. He went into hospice care the day I was supposed to move to SC. We delayed our move until after he passed away and it's been so sad & stressful. I think I told you awhile back that I was very close with my grandparents because I lived with them a large part of my life. This has been a hard couple of weeks.
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:06 PM
 
Location: Just a few miles outside of St. Louis
1,921 posts, read 5,606,560 times
Reputation: 1250
Quote:
Originally Posted by kimmieyky View Post
He doesn't want to be a grandfather either, and the boys are the only two he will ever have.

How you can walk away from a child and two innocent grandchildren I will never understand.

KimmieyKY
Kimmie, I can identify with you on this one. I have not seen my parents in over 26 years. Their choice, not mine, (long story ).They have never seen their grandchildren, now 25 and 20. My daughter, the oldest, is married and has two beautiful boys, (6 and 3), but my parents will not acknowledge them, in any way, because their father is Puerto Rican. He's a very nice young man, he's in the Air Force, and he takes very good care of my daughter and grandsons. We love him very much, but, because of his ethnic background, they want nothing to do with any of them, or the rest of us. I have not spoken to my parents in over two years, because of the last fight we had via phone and letter, on this subject.

I just enjoy my kids and grandkids, (I actually have six, altogether, because my stepdaughter has 4 children - 13, 7, 5, and 1&1/2). I spent more than my share of time trying to get my parents to meet me half-way, just wanting to get along with them, to no avail. Sometimes, I would think I was making progress, when we could talk on the phone, or exchange a few letters, but I drew the line when they attacked my daughter, etc. Not to her, fortunately. It all came down on my head. But, that's fine, I'm used to it. But, that was the day I decided enough was enough. You can attack me, and you may get away with it, but nobody comes after my kids. So, I cut my parents out of my life, entirely. And, they have made no effort to mend fences with me, so I'm done. It's a shame that things turn out the way they do, with our families, but I guess it goes back to that old saying, that you can pick your friends, but you can't pick your family. However, you can pick not to allow them to wreak havoc in your life, right? So, hang in there, Kimmie.
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:09 PM
 
Location: Just a few miles outside of St. Louis
1,921 posts, read 5,606,560 times
Reputation: 1250
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rapture View Post
Grammy,

My grandfather just died last Friday and it's been extremely difficult. He went into hospice care the day I was supposed to move to SC. We delayed our move until after he passed away and it's been so sad & stressful. I think I told you awhile back that I was very close with my grandparents because I lived with them a large part of my life. This has been a hard couple of weeks.
Rapture, I'm very sorry about your grandfather. I know it's hard. My granddad passed away in 1991, on Christmas Day, and I still miss him, alot. But, the sharp pain you feel now will ease. Just give yourself the time you need to mourn him.
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Old 01-29-2007, 09:15 PM
 
Location: Springfield, Missouri
2,815 posts, read 12,954,746 times
Reputation: 2000001497
I miss my dad's mom and she died over 26 years ago. I remember our last day together three days before she died like it was yesterday. She's the one in the ethnic thread in the wedding dress. I loved her so much. There are other people I've known whom I've been close to and what I always think is...I will see them again. I just have to wait until my time on this planet runs its course. I just hope they were saved Christians so I can see them again.
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Old 01-29-2007, 10:51 PM
 
Location: Colorado
1,394 posts, read 4,161,743 times
Reputation: 954
I lost my little brother in 1976, due to a heart condition, six months later I lost my father to a gun shot wound. In 1984 I lost my grandmother who I loved so very much, and now two years ago February 7th 2005, I lost my brother due to a suicide, he was my strength, my protector, and my daughters Uncle, friend, fishing buddy, and is so sadly missed. My birthday is 4 days after his death, so it is very hard not to think of him at this time.
When some one is so close in your life or your childs life, it is so hard not to go back and think of all of those good and happy times, I do that a lot, and so does my 12 year old that misses him as much as I do.
I have lost eveyone that has meant anything to me, besides my daughter, my mother is still alive, but she has no part of my child or myself, There was ten children in my family, we are now down to eight, all girls, and I don't get along with any of them. I believe in honesty, and that is something they don't have, amongst other things.
I am better then what they try to be, for my belief in God, and for my caring heart, and my honesty, something they have a hard time finding. But what ever they do, they will never take away my memories of my brothers, my dad, and my grandmother. I will always keep them close in my heart. I know they are watching over us, and I can't wait to see them once I get to heaven.
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