Heartbreak, Revenge.. and how to get over it all (the best, location, to buy)

[msjbrent]

OK. So my question is basically how do you get over a broken heart... and you didn't even know this person had the ability to break it until they did.

I am still as heartbroken/pissed off/confused/angry about a breakup from a year and a half ago. I know some may think, "Get over it" and I'm sure some that have been through it understand. I think I would be a little more "over it" if I would have had closure. It's confusing.

Basically the short story is: I was seeing this guy for almost a year. He originally sought me out. I was not interested at first. But since we had been friends for years and I knew he was an OK guy I went for it. We didn't have alot in common but seemed to enjoy eachothers company. We also worked together. Not good! He was up to some sketchy things at work. He did not tell me about them, the manager did. After he was "warned" at work and was told I was involved (as the accounting manager I was told to look into it) And I know it was for sure. He then dropped me like yesterdays garbage. Would not return phone calls. Literally ran from me at work. Quit a week later. I really felt like a bad disease that he could not dipose of fast enough. Oh yeah, and before the GM came to me everything could not have been going better. The sex had gotten so good! I was left very confused. I knew nothing really. I just assumed he was embarrassed. But it seemed like alot of different stuff was going on in his life all of a sudden. Including drugs.

Anyways, even though I am with someone new I still think about this all the time. I wonder wether I really cared more then I thought. Or maybe I am just furious. Or maybe both.

What should I do to get over this for myself. And let me say I am not comfortable approaching him in anyway. When someone can't get away from you fast enough it is too hard to do that! Should I seek revenge?

[christina0001]

I had that happen once - dated a guy for about 9 months and then he disappeared off the face of the planet, wouldn't return calls, etc. It took a long time to get over it. Not having any closure was the worst. I felt really hurt! Eventually I came to this conclusions: He did not care for me as much as I cared for him; he did not have the maturity, respect for me, or basic decency to just tell me he didn't want to see me anymore; and based on this, I was way, way better off without him. It took years to not feel angry at him. It hurts to be treated so callously. This was many, many years ago...today I am married to a wonderful man, a man who is honest, who respects me, and who would not treat anyone like that. I am not angry anymore...I do hope the guy learned to treat people better, but other than that, I don't feel much about it.

[gonefishing]

Why is it that we feel rejected (even if the guy is a total loser) and pine for them?

I wish I could go back and take back all the time I wasted feeling bad about myself because of that jerk. Shoot I had tried to break it off with him and ended up staying with him because he was so pathetic and I felt sorry for him. Then when he was running around on me it just about sent me around the bend.

He wasn't worth it....he may have had several degrees but he was no prize and he picked his nose in public....there I feel better!

P.S. It was back when corded phones were more popular so I unplugged my phones and that way I felt like I was in control....since if he was trying to call I wasn't taking his calls. LOL!

P.S. P.S I hadn't talked to him in years and out of the blue he called about a year and a half ago and left a message. He said he was wondering if this was my number (I still have the same number) and he wondered if I'd know who it was calling....of course I knew that distinctive voice.

I don't have anything to say to him and wonder why in the world I ever even went out with him.


ONE MORE THING--Don't do the revenge thing....it makes you look like you care. Don't give him that. Let him wonder why you don't want him when you don't try to get in touch. (It puts the ball back in your court. )

[Rance]

This works both ways ladies! I've been on the recieving end of this scenario myself, being a guy getting dumped by a lady after a year of commitment. It only took a week or so to come to the conclusion she was not worth any sort of revenge...and that she did'nt know what she was losing. Her loss...my gain!

[msjbrent]

Just like gonefishing said I was going to break up with him about half way through the relationship because we really had nothing in common.

I just don't understand why I can't get over this. Over the past year and a half I have had alot of other bad crap happen. It's not like this was the worst thing that went on. It was one of the worst years of my life. Yet, this stands out and eats me alive. And I'm so sick of it! But I can't stop myself. I just started a great new job and am looking at a possible relocation later in the year that I would be happy about. I really do not understand why I can't get my mind to stop focusing on this. HELP!

[spagirl]

my bf of a year just broke up with me last night because he said there's something 'missing' in our relationship and he doesn't know what it is. He doesn't think he can give me with the happiness that I deserve. I've been up all night, crying. I have to face a crowd of friends in a couple hours for a birthday party. I'm afraid I'll break down and cry when they ask me, where's "john?" The last time I went through a breakup, it took me two years to get over him. Any advice for a heartbroken gal?

[Rance]

Not unless you want to move to Alaska and forget him!

[BrianG]

Originally Posted by msjbrent

OK. So my question is basically how do you get over a broken heart... and you didn't even know this person had the ability to break it until they did.

I am still as heartbroken/pissed off/confused/angry about a breakup from a year and a half ago. I know some may think, "Get over it" and I'm sure some that have been through it understand. I think I would be a little more "over it" if I would have had closure. It's confusing.

Basically the short story is: I was seeing this guy for almost a year. He originally sought me out. I was not interested at first. But since we had been friends for years and I knew he was an OK guy I went for it. We didn't have alot in common but seemed to enjoy eachothers company. We also worked together. Not good! He was up to some sketchy things at work. He did not tell me about them, the manager did. After he was "warned" at work and was told I was involved (as the accounting manager I was told to look into it) And I know it was for sure. He then dropped me like yesterdays garbage. Would not return phone calls. Literally ran from me at work. Quit a week later. I really felt like a bad disease that he could not dipose of fast enough. Oh yeah, and before the GM came to me everything could not have been going better. The sex had gotten so good! I was left very confused. I knew nothing really. I just assumed he was embarrassed. But it seemed like alot of different stuff was going on in his life all of a sudden. Including drugs.

Anyways, even though I am with someone new I still think about this all the time. I wonder wether I really cared more then I thought. Or maybe I am just furious. Or maybe both.

What should I do to get over this for myself. And let me say I am not comfortable approaching him in anyway. When someone can't get away from you fast enough it is too hard to do that! Should I seek revenge?

It might help you and spagirl get over it if
you seen the way he looks now!

or at least bring a smile to your face
They are the loser's NOT you

[BrianG]

Originally Posted by BrianG

It might help you and spagirl get over it if
you seen the way he looks now!

or at least bring a smile to your face
They are the loser's NOT you

I left the one for Rance off
Sorry Rance

[Cosmic]

That is the first thing always ......... Relax.

You have left out a lot of critical details. How long has he been long?

If you were really hauling his ashes and was the best he ever had, he will want to come nosing around again, by some method, at some point.

Bout like going shopping, you look around to see what else is available but tend to return to the quality goods.

If you can put the word out that you are not mad, sort of lonely, sort of touchy feely, would like to talk things over, open up an avenue for communications by some method. Friends, anyone that knows him , if you had anything going at all, he will come sniffing around ............

Bout like you get a shy dog to come to you. Sit down, be very quiet, pretend not to notice for a while, let the magic work, let it do the deciding. It just must detect no harm is coming, be a lil curious and have nothing better to do. They will always come if you are patient.

Then about like the dog, you can decide how to treat him once he is in arms reach. Petting is always better. Revenge is only for punching girls who just love to fight.

If you really are not up for the petting, forget him. Ain't worth the effort, time or money. Life is too short to have any form of unhappiness. Good thing about males, they can usually disconnect in two microseconds once they realize the fire is out. Sounds like you just miss the mating, didn't sound like anything else was happening.

There is always that old adage. Never try to buy meat in a bakery. The company is where you get your bread. Get your fresh meat in some other location. Lot less heartaches.