Red sk elton's recipe for the perfect marriage priceless (name, wife, married)

[BrianG]

for those of you old enough to remember Red Skeleton, I think you will enjoy this e-mail. For those of you not old enough you will see what you missed!! Either way, his humor was always clean and he was a great entertainer. A rerun of great one liner's from the man who was known for his clean humor. I hope you get a chuckle or two reading them once more .

RED SK ELTON'S RECIPE
FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a
little beverage, good food and companionship
She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in
California , and mine is in Texas .
3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric
toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place
to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor.
I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her
first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though.
My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'

Can't you just hear him say all of these?

[sapphire-rose]

Ahhhhhh BrianG...Thanks. My grandfather couldn't miss the Red Skelton show. He wasn't a man to laugh often but he sure chuckeled at Red. Also The honeymooners.

[115db]

I cat remember if it was him or Johnny Carson who made the comment that 'marriage is a life sentence with little chance of parole'.

[AksarbeN]

I always enjoyed his shows, he was great! Thanks for posting it.