Fall Classes For Men (house, location, to live, military)

[NYTom]

My neice sent this to me I thought you would all get a chuckle...



FALL CLASSES FOR MEN

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Monday, August 28, 2007
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL

OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.



Classes begin Monday, September 4, 2006




Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.





Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.





Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and

Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---

Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturday at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.





Class 5

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.





Class 6

Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM.






Class 7

Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down
While Screaming -Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.







Class 8


Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 9


Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.


Tuesday at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.





Class 10


Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?


Driving Simulations.


4 weeks, Saturday noon, 2 hours.





Class 11


Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.


Online Classes and role-playing


.


Tuesday at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.





Class 12


How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion


Relaxation Exercises,
Meditation and Breathing
Techniques.



Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours ! Beginning at 7:00 PM.






Class 13


How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.


Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.


Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.





Class 14



The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.


Live Demonstration.


Tuesday at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.




Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors.

[ellie]

Excellent idea.

[newyorkjetsfan74]

i would be a drop out by class 2

[mal_flisk]

Class 1
Filling the Ice tray.

Does it really matter if you use hot or cold water? According to SWMBO, it does (She who must be Obeyed).

Class 2

Does it really matter, over and under? See class 1 answer.

Class 3.

Why can't she lower the seat? What makes it the guy's job? What's wrong with that, I wanna know. Not that it makes it difference, we DO raise the seat before micturating into the bowl.

Class 4.

Multiple hampers, colors vs whites, work vs casual. Pre-sorting is a must in our house and God help the poor guy who drops tidy whities in the white towel hamper (Your laughing and you think I'm joking. NOT)

Class 5.

I am not allowed to wash dishes. I don't do them RIGHT, whatever that means. Neither do the boys, even though I taught them. I washed dishes when I was 6 and had to stand on a stool at the sink, but I must be brain-dead, cause I can't do them to her satisfaction.

Class 6.

I never had control of the remote, until she got her own TV room. I can remember months of Lifetime forever and ever, without end, can you say AMEN, brothers!

Class 7.

Ahhh, at last something I can get my teeth into. Looking for things. Try and find a bill 2 days after it arrived and understand that any available book left out will be filed in the bookshelves as soon as She can find it. Bills are filed with the book, even though I wasn't reading it.

Class 8

Flowers, bah, and HAH! What has she done for me lately. She has a job, and my money is ours and her money is hers and never the twain shall meet. I got zip, nada zilch, bupkes, absolutely nothing for Christmas (3 years now), and even less for any recent b-days in living memory. Flowers my aching eye. I cook 5-6 nights a week anyway. If anyone deserves flowers, it's me. I used to bring her flowers, until my savings went to a casino and never came back. Ditto 2 reposessed cars. Oh yeah. Flowers. You must be smoking the good stuff.

Class 9

Directions. Print out a map before you leave on google.

Class 10

Backwards. I refuse to drive anymore while She is in the car. She is constitutionally incapable of maintaining a general air of complacecncy whilst I am behind the wheel. If She is sitting next to me, She will tell me which way to turn to go to the Carr's I've been going to for 5 years. Yep, I need directions. Give me a break. This from a woman who can't read a map.

Class 11

The difference between Mother and Wife. Tel Her the difference, I know. She treats me like I'm the child and I'm 10 years older. I'm not senescing in a drooling pile of jello yet.

Class 12

I might need a class in this one, as I remember Her birthday, but she needs occasional reminders as to when the 1st of the month comes along. Oh, wait. That's when my retirement check from the military shows up. Maybe not.

Class 13


The Ideal shopping companion. She knows I'll be in the tool department at Sears, and she has the credit card. What else does She need? An answer to "Does this make me look fat?" Not in this lifetime.

Class 14

The stove/oven. Since I learned to bake bread at mama's knee so to speak, and I do quite well at roasts, barbeque, cookies brownies, I'm the one making Thanksgiving and Christmas meals, I might need a little help here. Let's see, broil steaks, bake casseroles. Nope, I think I got it.