My selfish Aunt-claiming to be a Christian- (phobia, how to, strange)

[dreamofmonterey]

I sometimes wish people could practice what they preach. I try to be a decent person- I feel what goes around comes around.

My aunt when my father was dying was the most selfish person imaginable- just left me with a very bad feeling. She would visit my father (only when he was on his deathbed) and then run out of the hospital saying she had to go to church. I will never forget her selfish behavior.

[Ronzou]

I don't really know what to say about this. I had to visit one of my realtives in the hosipital when he was dying. Not the most fun moment. I couldn't say anything because I didn't want to believe that he was there dying. I didn't want to leave the hospital, and I didn't want to go in the first place. It was so uncomfortable to see that. I couldn't take it, I'm the worst when dealing with death. It's just not one of my good topics to talk about.

[Sgoldie]

Don't be too upset with her. Some people don't know how to handle sickness and death. They don't know what to say or do.

When my father was sick, and he was a very gregarious person, almost no one came by. I found it odd. I had more respect and gratitude for those who did though.

When he was dying in the hospital my mother, aunt, and I kept a 24 hr vigal over him in shifts. I was fortunate to be there with him when he passed but my sister who hates hospitals never saw him that last week. My blessing, her loss.

[mainebrokerman]

the expectations of what family members "should do" or how they "should act" often destroys relationships in families. whether around sickness or death, we see the true nature of folks. ive seen siblings, ignore one or both of thier parents, when very old, sick, and need help, left to only one care-taking sibling,,,then they are the first in line, with thier hand out, when the parents die. this is despicable!

however, on the other hand (always an other hand) some folks, have a very very difficult time...around sickly folks, have a phobia about hospitals, nursing homes, etc, and some people have a very difficult time, because the person "today" has so deteriorated, or unrecognizable, from the person they knew, they will lose it ,,,just cry,,,
i've seen this many times,,,,someone will show up,,,,with good intentions, trying to bring a smile in the room,,then quickly start bawling,,,,,,doesnt do much for the patients attitude(if they are aware)

i cut much slack to family members, around situations like this,,,some family members are just natural nurturers, and some are not,,,

[windflower]

Originally Posted by mainebrokerman

some folks, have a very very difficult time...around sickly folks, have a phobia about hospitals, nursing homes, etc, and some people have a very difficult time, because the person "today" has so deteriorated, or unrecognizable, from the person they knew

I completely agree. I have a friend who is the most thoughtful, caring, sincere person I have ever met in my life. When her mother became an Alzheimer's patient she did everything she could to help her but eventually there was no choice but to place her in a nursing home. Although she was physically healthy for her age, her mental state steadily deteriorated to the point where my friend was either a stranger to her (on a good day) or perceived as an enemy (on a normal or worse day). It was doing neither my friend nor her mother any good for her to visit, and eventually she stopped going entirely. She felt guilty about it at first but she felt much worse when she did go and her mother either ignored her or verbally abused her.

I too have a very difficult time being in hospitals or people who are physically or emotionally very ill. When I am sick or upset, I don't want people around AT ALL, so it's hard for me to "impose" (as I see it) or intrude myself on others who are in that condition. I also never have any idea what to do or say in those situations and am awkward and uncomfortable in the extreme.

[MoMark]

Originally Posted by windflower

When I am sick or upset, I don't want people around AT ALL.

I'm that way too and just want people to leave me alone when I don't feel well. Drop off what you brought. I appreciate the soup and bottle of 7-UP and the thought, now get the hell out!

I get nice again when I feel well

[Lauri_25ny]

I'm sorry about the loss of your Dad.

What type of person is she any other time? Like others have said, it's probably just the way she deals with death. How was she after he died?

Before my Mom died from Alzheimer's, hardly any of her friends stopped to see her. But they were all her own age (late 70's), and I understood why they didn't. They would have been forced to face their own mortality. It's not a comfortable thing. Other people told me that the reason they didn't stop was because they didn't want to remember my Mom that way. Which is fine, I totally understood that.

[dreamofmonterey]

Originally Posted by Lauri_25ny

I'm sorry about the loss of your Dad.

What type of person is she any other time? Like others have said, it's probably just the way she deals with death. How was she after he died?

Before my Mom died from Alzheimer's, hardly any of her friends stopped to see her. But they were all her own age (late 70's), and I understood why they didn't. They would have been forced to face their own mortality. It's not a comfortable thing. Other people told me that the reason they didn't stop was because they didn't want to remember my Mom that way. Which is fine, I totally understood that.

I see what you are saying. I am not talking about friends/casual acquaintances. I had no expectations of them. This was my Dad's sister- who was always a self-absorbed person.

I was the caretaker- and she gave me no help whatsoever. She lived less than an hour from him and coud have gave his some assistance. Obviously each situation is different. I was barely 30- dealing with alot. It was a horrible situation and she did nothing to alleviate it.

[Lauri_25ny]

Originally Posted by sunnyhelena

I see what you are saying. I am not talking about friends/casual acquaintances. I had no expectations of them. This was my Dad's sister- who was always a self-absorbed person.

I was the caretaker- and she gave me no help whatsoever. She lived less than an hour from him and coud have gave his some assistance. Obviously each situation is different. I was barely 30- dealing with alot. It was a horrible situation and she did nothing to alleviate it.

Gotcha. I understand now why you feel the way you do. With some family members as long as there's another relative doing the looking after, they're in the 'free and clear'.

[dreamofmonterey]

Yeah- well they are the ones who have to look themselves in the mirror. It is not a situation I would ever want to re-live, or wish on a worst enemy. And no amount of money can compensate. Usually, the caretaker loves/cares about the person who is dying- it is very draining.

saw the other thread about a person with Alzheimer's. A truly heartbreaking situation.