Black and White World (extreme thinking) (women, kids, married, people)

[CESpeed]

This is not a thread about interracial dating!

I have noticed a disturbing trend of binary thinking. The world is not black and white, not only are there shades of gray, but a rainbow of colors.

There is no such thing as NORMAL. We have these two kids banging themselves over the head trying to be "normal".

Why can't we simply accept people for who we are rather than who we want them to be? Why must a person behave a certain way to warrant our affection? Maybe if we were more accepting of people rather than sitting on judgemental high horses, we could be more honest and treat each other better.

To me, if no one is getting hurt, a person should be able to do what they want. Not the imaginary hurt one conjures up to manipulate someone into behaving according to some arbitrary script, but really hurt.

Opinions?

[nebulous1]

I don't even get that far with anyone anymore. I keep running into married men or guys with girlfriends. I am wondering if there are any men who have a spine and don't run around anymore.

[mishigas73]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

To me, if no one is getting hurt, a person should be able to do what they want. Not the imaginary hurt one conjures up to manipulate someone into behaving according to some arbitrary script, but really hurt.

I agree. If the law is being obeyed, who am I or anyone else to judge? It may not be my cup of tea, but that's the beauty of this world. There are many flavors of tea around...

Originally Posted by CESpeed

There is no such thing as NORMAL. We have these two kids banging themselves over the head trying to be "normal".

Ah, to fit into the artificial construct of normalcy.... No thanks.

Originally Posted by CESpeed

Why can't we simply accept people for who we are rather than who we want them to be? Why must a person behave a certain way to warrant our affection? Maybe if we were more accepting of people rather than sitting on judgemental high horses, we could be more honest and treat each other better.

I agree, we all need to treat each other better. However, on a "relationship note", I don't believe in the idea of "acceptance", as such. Bottom line for me is that a person *must* behave in a certain way to warrant my affection....relationship-wise. Whether it's friendship or something more, I have my own standards. That's not to say that they are "right", they just "are".

[teatime]

I agree with you, OP. Seems to me that the very narrow definitions of "proper" love and relationships and the nearly impossible standards set has led to a lot of unhappiness and maybe even perversion. It's also brought about an insular society devoid of real love and care for others.

[sierraAZ]

Sounds like the definition of the quintessential and elusive "unconditional" love to me... Haven't experienced it; haven't witnessed it; not sure if it exists; not quite sure if it even should exist outside of a parent/child relationship. Let's face it - the latter is simply primal as you can observe it in the animal kingdom. Very few animals abandon their offspring before time comes (if any... I don't know) and yet some humans do. If we appear to be less evolved even in that sense in comparison to the animals, how can we expect this type of relationship to exist between grown-up adults...?! Don't get me wrong... I like the idea as the next person... but it's probably a chimera...

[ChessieMom]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

Why can't we simply accept people for who we are rather than who we want them to be? Why must a person behave a certain way to warrant our affection? Maybe if we were more accepting of people rather than sitting on judgemental high horses, we could be more honest and treat each other better.

So we all should have no preferences on behavior or appearance, or personality?

I think that is a very unrealistic perspective. The very things that make us an individual also give us our unique desires.

[TexianPatriot]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

This is not a thread about interracial dating!

I have noticed a disturbing trend of binary thinking. The world is not black and white, not only are there shades of gray, but a rainbow of colors.

There is no such thing as NORMAL. We have these two kids banging themselves over the head trying to be "normal".

Why can't we simply accept people for who we are rather than who we want them to be? Why must a person behave a certain way to warrant our affection? Maybe if we were more accepting of people rather than sitting on judgemental high horses, we could be more honest and treat each other better.

To me, if no one is getting hurt, a person should be able to do what they want. Not the imaginary hurt one conjures up to manipulate someone into behaving according to some arbitrary script, but really hurt.

Opinions?

I think things are more black and white then people are confortable admitting. There is so much crap that could be cut out of our lives if people said what they really think. Wouldn't it be great if people actually said what they were thinking/feeling?

Sierra, that kind of love is real. All real love is unconditional. I think too many people throw the L-word around too much and it cheapens the real meaning of it. I don't think we can experience it the way our Creator can, but we are given little peeks of it throughout of lives. It opens our hearts and lets us know that there is something more. Something much more that our hearts yearn for, but cannot find here. And this love (that is revealed to us in only a few moments of this life) is the basis of faith in something more.

[miu]

Originally Posted by CESpeed

Why can't we simply accept people for who we are rather than who we want them to be? Why must a person behave a certain way to warrant our affection? Maybe if we were more accepting of people rather than sitting on judgemental high horses, we could be more honest and treat each other better.

How a person behaves is VERY important to me, and it determines how they rank in my life. And anyone that behaves poorly just doesn't get to be close to me. I want no toxic personalities or parasites in my life. No takers, no people that talk but don't listen back. No cheaters or liars. No thanks. Let their own families deal with them, but I don't have to. I'm keeping my standards high.

And my standards are less strict for casual acquaintances. But to be a close friend or even significant other, they need to be very special people.

Also, I don't have the energy nor the desire to have a multitude of close friends. Quality over quantity is what's important to me.

[nebulous1]

Originally Posted by miu

How a person behaves is VERY important to me, and it determines how they rank in my life. And anyone that behaves poorly just doesn't get to be close to me. I want no toxic personalities or parasites in my life. No takers, no people that talk but don't listen back. No cheaters or liars. No thanks. Let their own families deal with them, but I don't have to. I'm keeping my standards high.

And my standards are less strict for casual acquaintances. But to be a close friend or even significant other, they need to be very special people.

Also, I don't have the energy nor the desire to have a multitude of close friends. Quality over quantity is what's important to me.

Very well put.

[teatime]

Originally Posted by miu

How a person behaves is VERY important to me, and it determines how they rank in my life. And anyone that behaves poorly just doesn't get to be close to me. I want no toxic personalities or parasites in my life. No takers, no people that talk but don't listen back. No cheaters or liars. No thanks. Let their own families deal with them, but I don't have to. I'm keeping my standards high.

And my standards are less strict for casual acquaintances. But to be a close friend or even significant other, they need to be very special people.

Also, I don't have the energy nor the desire to have a multitude of close friends. Quality over quantity is what's important to me.

I might be wrong, but I don't think that's what the OP means. I read it as why do only "certain types" of people seem to be "worthy" of relationships and affection and other people are shunned? And why is marriage the pinnacle when it doesn't even work half of the time?

Society judges on the basis of appearances -- job, success, physical beauty, etc. -- creating the A list and the "losers." No one wants to be seen as "different."

As for me, I don't care what anyone thinks. I'm in my mid-40s, love alternative/punk music, have refused invitations to join the local women's club and "act my age" and I don't want to get married/have turned down proposals. I do want a LTR or FWB, though. Society would deem me as "weird." Tough.