2010 Olympics in Canada~Humor (how much, phone, legal, famous)

[Jammie]

Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking!!!! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website, obviously the answers are a joke; but these questions were really asked

Q: I have never seen it to be warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (from England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (from USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto -can I follow the >>> Railroad tracks? (Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only 4000 miles. Take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? (Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy )
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? >>> (England )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ?
(USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in Canada ? (USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, >>> which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? (Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you sell it in Canada ? (USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? (USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

[Jammie]

Dear Abby,

I've never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have
suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual
signs......... phone rings but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife
has been going out with the girls a lot recently although when I ask their
names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them."

I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually
fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I
think deep down I just didn't want to know the truth, but last night she
went out again and I decided to really check on her.

Around midnight, I decided to hide in the garage behind my golf clubs so I
could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a
night out with "the girls". It was at that moment, crouching behind my
clubs, that I noticed that the graphite shaft on my driver appeared to have
a hairline crack right by the club head.

So, Abby, my question is, "Is this something I can fix myself or should I take
it back to the pro shop here I bought it?"

[hiknapster]

Hey Jammie! Who are you kidding? You know darn well that we get those same questions on City-Data all the time!