The Men Rules (best, commercial, women, children)

[John1960]

The Man Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

We always hear the rules
from the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday and sports - It's like the full moon
or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of them makes you sad or angry, then we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1 Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. besides, we know you will bring it up again later.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really .

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1.. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

[iluvmypets]

Loved it and I'm a female!I was feeling really down and I actually laughed,not that I don't find it on point.

[theqbaby]

I think you left #1 out....
Toilet paper does not go on a roll, it gets set on the counter!

[poprocksncoke]

Originally Posted by theqbaby

I think you left #1 out....
Toilet paper does not go on a roll, it gets set on the counter!

HAHA
Agreed!

[Roma]

LOL John1960,

You said in another post that you were not married. I wonder why???

[LuLu108]

LOL! This is funny but I think some need to be tweeked a little:

1. I think if you have children, it is best for ALL to put the toilet seat back down! I wonder though, if us women put the toilet seat up all the time, would you remember to put it back down when you go to do #2??? Hmmm???

1.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
or golf.

You forgot to mention sex, since men think about that about 95% of the time I'm suprised you didn't list it first!

1.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

If you solved our problems, then you would have not came up with these rules, you would've just followed ours! LOL

All in good fun, of course!

[skoe]

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it's just not worth the hassle. besides, we know you will bring it up again later.

That is too funny!

How true a lot of them are. Men and woman are so different when it comes to communication. I will agree, we can be a bit manipulative at times but whatever works right??

[fuzzymystic]

oh, so now for the number one rule

1] farting is our [read:YOUR] finest example of self expression

not to be confused with number 2...

[theqbaby]

Originally Posted by fuzzymystic

oh, so now for the number one rule

1] farting is our [read:YOUR] finest example of self expression

(if i may add)
AND COMMUNICATION !

[poprocksncoke]

Originally Posted by theqbaby

(if i may add)
AND COMMUNICATION !

ANNNND
Adds to our "natural essence"