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First, I want to apologize to all you blondes out there, however,.....
Two blondes with hammers,Carol and Donna,where doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house.
Carol, who was nailing down house siding,would reach into her nail pouch,pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in the siding.
Donna,figuring this was worth looking into,asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch,about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!! Those nails aren't defective!! They're for the other side of the house!!"
First, I want to apologize to all you blondes out there, however,.....
Two blondes with hammers,Carol and Donna,where doing some carpentry work on a Habitat for Humanity house.
Carol, who was nailing down house siding,would reach into her nail pouch,pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail it in the siding.
Donna,figuring this was worth looking into,asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"
Carol explained, "When I pull a nail out of my pouch,about half of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away."
Donna got completely upset and yelled, "You moron!! Those nails aren't defective!! They're for the other side of the house!!"
LOL. Donna must be related to Denise (also a blonde. hmmm. lol) who got fired from the M&M factory. She threw out all the "W"s.
A very wealthy woman was arguing with her husband about something, and she told him "If it weren't for me, you wouldn't have those expensive clothes here, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't have that diamond ring and Rolex watch here, and if it weren't for me you wouldn't have the Mercedes and the Ferrari here,
The husband looked at her and said "Lady, if it weren't for your money, I certainly wouldn't be here!"
[SIZE=5]The nun, in Hooters...........[/SIZE]
A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a local
Hooters.
The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once
in a while the lights would turn off. Each time the lights would go
out, the place would erupt into cheers. However, when the revelers
saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the
bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?
The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a
statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'
'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun.
So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.
After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped
just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.
She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did
they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'
'Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would
you like a drink?'
'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.
'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig
leaf on that statue, the lights go out. Now, how about that drink?
A guy goes into a bar and sits at the counter. It's not very crowded. He orders a drink and then looks down the bar and sees the most amazing thing. There's a little platform and on top there is a tiny little man playing the piano. He's just banging away on the keys and putting out some pretty good sounds. The guy says to the bartender - what the heck is that and where did you get it? The bartender says "Oh yeah, well, you see I found this lamp and there was a genie.." And the guy gets really excited and says "Do you still have the lamp?" The bartender says "Right here" and pulls it out from behind the bar. "You want to give it a try?" he says to the guy and the guy excitedly says "Yes, yes!". So the bartender give the guy the lamp and he rubs the lamp and out pops a genie. "Your wish is my command, what is your wish?". The guy is in total disbelief but he says "I wish for a million bucks!". There was a big flash and suddenly the bar is completely filled with flying quacking ducks! The guy says to the bartender, "What the heck?" and the bartender says "Yeah he's a bit hard of hearing. I didn't exactly wish for a 12 inch pianist either."
Ok there is this jet carring the most important people in the world in it. Theres the president of the United States,the First Lady,the smartest man in the world,the oldest man in the world,and the smartest kid in the world.
All of a sudden the pilot walks into their cabin and tells them that the plane is going down and there is nothing he can do.The pilot takes one of the parachutes and jumps off the plane.
The most imporant people in the world then realize that there are only 4 parachutes left.The president says "I'm the president of the united states! my country needs me to lead!" They agree so he takes a parachute and jumps off the jet.The first lady then says "I'm his wife! He would be an emotional wreck without me and will not be able to run this beautiful country!" They agree and give her a parachute and she jumps off the jet.
The smartest man in the world snapped and screamed "I'm the smartest man in the world and I have to get outta here!" He then snatches a parachute and jumps off the jet. The oldest man in the world and the smartest kid in the world were left. The oldest man in the world says "It's ok son I've lived my life and I've seen so much, take the parachute and jump." the smartest kid in the world says "It's ok old timer we both can get outta here." the oldest man in the world says "what do you mean?" The smartest kid in the world then said "Well that smartest man in the world guy couldnt've been that smart because he took my bookbag!
I'm going to subscribe to this thread. Now I can start my C-D day with a joke and AND "Question of the Day" thread, from Karla.
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I got one....
