A laugh we all could use (ideas, how much, cell phone, county)

[mkfarnam]

I know this is'nt about Illegal Immigration, but it's funnier than hell!
Paris Hiltons Diary she wrote while in jail.
These are her own words.
NOTE: I don't usually read this guys colomns,,,but this is halarious!!!!!

Paris' view of life behind the cell bars
John Weeks
Article Launched: 06/08/2007 12:00:00 AM PDT


Don't ask me how I did it, but I managed to obtain Paris Hilton's prison diary.

It contains every entry she made during her grueling three days in jail, up to the very moment she was released on Thursday to serve the rest of her sentence in home custody.

Let me tell you, it's explosive stuff. Check it out.

FIRST ENTRY: What day is this? I'm confused. Disoriented. It seems like I've been here forever.

Jail is like an endless hell. There's nothing to do. I think I'm going crazy.

I am so bored.

Oh, no! One of the guards just walked by, and I talked to her. She said I've been here less than an hour!

These are going to be the longest 21 days of my life.

LATER THAT SAME DAY: It's really weird, going all day without photographers and reporters following me everywhere, and jostling me, and sticking their notebooks and cameras in my face, and yelling at me, and chasing me.

Like I said, it's weird. I can't decide whether I like it or not. Maybe I do like it a little.

MUCH LATER THAT SAME DAY: Let's see, what would I be doing right now, if I was on the outside? Probably I'd be out on the town, riding around in a car with Lindsay Lohan, or Nicole
Richie, or Britney Spears. Maybe I'm lucky to be where I am.
I should tell Britney about the prison-issue underwear here. It's pretty comfortable. Maybe she would start wearing underpants again.

DAY 2: I miss my cell phone terribly. Think of all the calls I've been missing. My agent probably would have called me a hundred times by now, to tell me how terrible my CD is doing.

Those people at E! Television would be calling to pitch new ideas for my "Simple Life" series. As if "The Simple Life Goes to Camp" isn't bad enough. What's next? "The Simple Life Deploys to Iraq"?

Sheesh.

And Mom would be calling me every two minutes about something or other. Maybe I don't miss my phone all that much, now that I think about it.

LATER THAT DAY: Can you believe it? I've gone almost two days without seeing my face on some magazine. This is not good for my ego. Maybe I could bribe one of the guards into sneaking in a few copies of People or the National Enquirer. Darn, I don't have my credit cards.

Of course, the good news is that I haven't had to read a single article about how anorexic I am, or how much plastic surgery I've had done, or how many people I've slept with, or how untalented I am.

Maybe I won't bring this up with the guards after all.

DAY 3: I think they're trying to starve me in here. The meals are really basic. It's kind of strange, though. I eat everything on my plate. I never do that. I usually just pick at my food, and it's all this exotic, rich stuff. Maybe this is healthier, I don't know.

And let me tell you, there's no booze in this place, which means I've been waking up without a hangover the last couple of days. What a trip.

And speaking of waking up, I kind of like getting a full night's sleep. It feels really good. I could get used to it.

LATER THAT DAY: Why does the media always say that I'm "famous for being famous," or that I'm having my "15 minutes of fame." Like I'm not a real celebrity or something.

What's up with that? I have a long-running TV show. I've been in movies, and commercials. I've recorded a CD. I have my own line of beauty products. I think it's pretty obvious that I'm having more than 15 minutes of fame.

Of course, being a true celebrity means I probably should use my position to help influence and lead in a positive way, instead of just goofing around and partying all the time.

Wow, that's a pretty deep thought! Maybe prison agrees with me ...

LAST ENTRY: Guess what. They're letting me out of here, after just three days. That's totally hot.

Isn't it?

I don't know. I was starting to enjoy it here.


John Weeks appears Sunday, Wednesday and Friday in the Local Section and Tuesday in the U Section. Read his past columns at San Bernardino County Sun - Home. Contact him at john.weeks@sbsun.com.

[chele123]

I think the time frame was a little skewed for this deep of a revelation from that shallow pond! Even if I thought she had a deep thought in her, I think it would have taken a LOT longer than that for it to be revealed!

Of course, being a true celebrity means I probably should use my position to help influence and lead in a positive way, instead of just goofing around and partying all the time.