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My daughter has been a "challenge" since she was newborn- always fussing. My 1st dd was the "perfect" child, always sorry for what she did....felt shameful when she was put on her time-out chair, etc. My 2nd though has been a different story from the beginning. At 3 years/3 months she is still whining about everything. She will keep doing things until she is told no and then responds by laughing and yelling things like "No, you stop Mommy!". She has many crying tantrums which appear to often only be crying for show and not always really upset. I thought we had almost mastered pottytraining (something she has had little interest in) but now suddenly she is peeing herself, pooping, etc and I have had to put her back in pull-ups. Now when she poops in them she laughs and tells me "I pooped in my pull-up, Mommy." She is very mischievous and laughs anytime she gets in trouble or is doing something wrong. We have tried many things to get her behavior undercontrol....the time-out chair, time in her room, spanking, and embarrasingly I even have put a small bit of soap in her mouth a few times because of her mouthing back, yelling "no" all of the time, and whining ALL of the time. I don't know what else to do and I feel that everything I am doing is not making a difference. My husband is also at his last nerve and can't take it anymore. Any suggestions from anyone else who has dealt with an unruly toddler? My first daughter was so easy but now this is like pay back.
My daughter has been a "challenge" since she was newborn- always fussing. My 1st dd was the "perfect" child, always sorry for what she did....felt shameful when she was put on her time-out chair, etc. My 2nd though has been a different story from the beginning. At 3 years/3 months she is still whining about everything. She will keep doing things until she is told no and then responds by laughing and yelling things like "No, you stop Mommy!". She has many crying tantrums which appear to often only be crying for show and not always really upset. I thought we had almost mastered pottytraining (something she has had little interest in) but now suddenly she is peeing herself, pooping, etc and I have had to put her back in pull-ups. Now when she poops in them she laughs and tells me "I pooped in my pull-up, Mommy." She is very mischievous and laughs anytime she gets in trouble or is doing something wrong. We have tried many things to get her behavior undercontrol....the time-out chair, time in her room, spanking, and embarrasingly I even have put a small bit of soap in her mouth a few times because of her mouthing back, yelling "no" all of the time, and whining ALL of the time. I don't know what else to do and I feel that everything I am doing is not making a difference. My husband is also at his last nerve and can't take it anymore. Any suggestions from anyone else who has dealt with an unruly toddler? My first daughter was so easy but now this is like pay back.
What I see here is an attention getter.
What you need to do is give her positive praise.
I have a little boy who can push buttons as well. When asked to do something it is really hard to get him to respond in a kind, mild manner. It's a fuss. What works is to express what you want him to do and then close your ears. Don't say anything else. "Empty the dishwasher for Mommy Please." Then you continue doing whatever. Do not answer anything. Ignore everything. Eventually he will do it. He may not want to but he will. What else is good is when he is banging dishes around and showing he is mad...instead of scolding him you can ignore what banging he is doing and say, "Thank you for being a good helper for Mommy." Maybe even a kiss on the head as you walk by would be a nice gesture.
Whatever the case be positive. Give him something to look forward to. Make a chart for all the days he/she does not potty in their pants. When the week is up and the chart has stars all the way across the board for the week you take them out for pizza or a kids fun night on Friday or Saturday.
Thanks for the suggestions and I do agree that I think a lot of this is attention getting. I try to do a lot of positive praise and we have tried to reward her for using the potty. I had stopped once she was in underwear all day but started up again with telling her that she can have a piece of candy when she goes in the potty (she gets next to no candy ever). She doesn't seem to care and has just been going in her pull-up anyhow.
wow she is difficult you have to find out what makes a difference with her and I mean what matters to her and if you find that thing then you will have the key how to make her behave . I think this little girl is at the point that she wants all of mommys attention and no sharing with her sister . I think maybe ignoring her is a better option and leave the pull up on all day until she is uncomfortable in it and tell her you will not take it off until she learns to use the potty . I hope that it all works out . My boys were easy compared to this .
Thanks phonelady- Yes, the past few days when she has told us she went poopoo in her diaper we have responded "that's nice" well go lay over there any when I get to it I will change you". She has gotten really angry but we just ignore her. At least she still takes a nice nap and I can have time to unwind like right now :-)
Quote:
Originally Posted by phonelady61
wow she is difficult you have to find out what makes a difference with her and I mean what matters to her and if you find that thing then you will have the key how to make her behave . I think this little girl is at the point that she wants all of mommys attention and no sharing with her sister . I think maybe ignoring her is a better option and leave the pull up on all day until she is uncomfortable in it and tell her you will not take it off until she learns to use the potty . I hope that it all works out . My boys were easy compared to this .
I second the find that 'thing' that she values and go with it...I have a very challenging 2nd child...that followed the easiest/smartest/by the book child on the planet... My 'hard' child (who is now 4) really values our snuggling time at night. My dh and myself snuggle each kid for 5 mins...then we switch kids. During the day, I will take a minute off here and there. For serious offenses.. The nights she ends up with 1 min. snuggling time or no snuggling time really drive the punishment home for her... Mainly because she will hear us with her sister and that upsets her...which then sets up the perfect time for little talks about her bad behavior from earlier that day...It has worked well for us. She definitly is making the turn...
Also,,,I have noticed reverse phychology works well on this kid...the minute she realizes she is not going to get a reaction/attention from me she rethinks her actions.
For example...she plays soccer on a little preschool team. Nothing serious...but she loves it...Occasionally she will cry, stomp around, say she doesn't want to play, cause a massive scene etc etc... The minute I say "you don't have to play, we can leave right now" nice and calm...she runs for the field. The times I sit and barter with her to play,,,just make her actions worse.
I have also put an 'X' on the whining... I literally will have zero response to her unless she talks to me in a normal nice voice... When the whining starts,,,I just say "I can't understand what you need, ask me when your nice big girl voice comes back,,,and walk away." and keep walking away until she complies...
But anyway,,,find something she loves and take it as a punishment!
She views the punishments as attention. You should stop punishing and start ignoring her bad behavior instead. Only ignore her or give her positive attention via praise.
If she says "Mommy, I pooped in my pants" say "oh well" or something else very disinterested. Slowly finish whatever you are doing before you clean her up.
I have a very difficult three year old as well. When he's having a fit about something like at the park - I'll say ok then we'll just go home right now.. (he straigtens up) When he doesnt want to eat dinner and is demanding pizza.. I'll say ok you dont want to eat this dinner then you dont eat tonight. (he says ok I'll eat dinner) You have to me mindful though that if you say your going to so something if the behavior continues then follow through with it. One time he had a fit over the color of an ice pop that he wanted but we didnt have anymore I told him if you dont want the ice pop then dont have any. Usually that would make him calm down but that day he was very upset about the ice pop..LOL I threw away the ice pop and he didnt have any he has never again fussed over the ice pop.
About the potting training I would do the same exact thing let her get uncomfortable she will start using the potty again. When My son was potty training it was a family affair everytime he used the potty we went nuts screaming, clapping and high fives.. he would go around the house telling everyone to get a reaction out of them. Maybe you can try that so that she getting tons of attentions from everyone in the house.
I threw away the ice pop and he didnt have any he has never again fussed over the ice pop.
This reminds me of when mine would refuse to get dressed in the morning. He would stand there with his arms crossing his chest, shaking his head no. I picked him up and put him in the car as he was. I delivered him to his godmother/babysitter with his underwear and handed her his clothes. He NEVER refused to get dressed again. NEVER. Natural consequences like that work very well.
I'd follow the advice of the posters so far. In addition, instead of pull ups, I'd put her in a regular diaper with no pants. When you go out, don't put pants over the diaper. She's WAY old enough to control herself and if she's embarrassed enough, she will go in the toilet like she should. Or you could make her change her own diaper. Not pull up, but diaper.
When they KNOW you aren't playing their games, they usually comply. If you take her out a couple times with only a diaper on, I'll bet she will start going in the toilet and want panties.
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