U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Happy Easter!
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
 
Old 08-12-2007, 11:13 AM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,068 times
Reputation: 1460

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by Old Man Winter View Post
I agree with OP 100%. My wife and I do not have children, we don't want children and don't feel we should have to put up with children that cannot behave in public. I can honestly say that I Can't blame the children. Many of you are correct, kids will be kids and we were all children at one point. I place blame on the parents, too mant parents are AFK parents letting the kids do what ever they do so the parents can enjoy some quiet time . So the parents let the kids run amuck so they can enjoy a glass of wine and dinner together, and in doing so let the kids ruin dinner for everyone else close by.
I do agree. It's bad parenting because it's neglectful and possibly hazardous. I saw a group of parents ignoring their group of children at Denny's while the wait staff was going about with hot pots of coffee and trays of food -- both of which are either hazardous or potentially deadly if they land on a child, but the parents were doing nothing about it, despite many glares in their general direction from several patrons, including me. No, that's absurd -- if kids can't behave, the parents should leave or not go until their kids are old enough to behave in a reasonably appropriate fashion for their ages.
[quote]

 
Old 08-12-2007, 11:24 AM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,068 times
Reputation: 1460
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26 View Post
Well, I believe the slope is not so slippery when you are using common sense.
We just won't agree on this one.
I agree that we just won't agree, but the problem with what you're saying is that everyone believes he or she has common sense. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Well, I'd like to spank my kids, but I have no common sense, so I had better not?" No matter what people do, they always think that they're exercising common sense or that their action is a reasonable action. We're very good at justifying whatever idiocy or laziness or immorality we do to ourselves.

Bottom line, at least for me when I was initially contemplating this issue as a parent and considering how my parents raised me (I was spanked fairly frequently with a hand and with a wooden spoon), I realized a few things that convinced me spanking was wrong:

1. No matter what euphemism one uses -- popping, smacking, slapping -- one is hitting one's child.

2. The purpose of the hitting is to cause pain. If it were not to cause pain, it would have no point and could be substituted by other, more effective ways of demonstrating disapproval.

3. Your child trusts you and loves you more than anyone else in the world. It is not worth violating that trust and that love by hitting them so as to cause them pain.

As a child when I was spanked, I theoretically "turned out okay" in the sense that I was never in jail, I never committed a crime, I went to a very good college on an academic scholarship, and I have a very stable life in a very respectable job.

That said, I learned early on that it was acceptable to hit other people and cause them pain or (when I was younger) to bite them. If biting and hitting didn't work, I could cause them pain through what I said. I learned that an acceptable response to anger is to hit, or that other people, if they are angry, should be hit. I don't think either of us has to be Sigmund Freud to connect that with what I was taught when I was a child. It's taken me a lifetime to learn more peaceful ways of managing my anger and defusing it.

I understand why some parents might want to spank their children. I've been tempted to myself, but what's always stopped me is the surety that if I were to violate my child's love for me and trust for me by hitting her, I would never really get that back again. There would be some love and some trust, sure. I have love and some trust for my mother, of course -- but I also know that when she is angry, she lashes out. Ultimately, her spanking made me love her less, respect her less, value her love less. I still love her a great deal, but I know what was lost.

I can't have that happen to my child.

I realize you and I will not agree, but I hope that I have convinced even one person to reconsider. Even one would be enough.
 
Old 08-12-2007, 06:33 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,538 posts, read 42,708,506 times
Reputation: 57184
It's not only kids at the movies. We have good friends that blah blah blah in the movies as if they're in their own home..it's embarassing.
 
Old 08-12-2007, 06:40 PM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,538 posts, read 42,708,506 times
Reputation: 57184
[quote=Charles Wallace;1263258]I do agree. It's bad parenting because it's neglectful and possibly hazardous. I saw a group of parents ignoring their group of children at Denny's while the wait staff was going about with hot pots of coffee and trays of food -- both of which are either hazardous or potentially deadly if they land on a child, but the parents were doing nothing about it, despite many glares in their general direction from several patrons, including me. No, that's absurd -- if kids can't behave, the parents should leave or not go until their kids are old enough to behave in a reasonably appropriate fashion for their ages.

I used to work in a bank and I noticed that when parents take their kids out in public it's as if they forget they have kids.
My generation (my kids are 24-40) did not do this. If we went to a restaurant we always got sitters or we stayed home. What's this creepy bonding with your kids about? We left them at home whenever we got the chance.
 
Old 08-12-2007, 10:11 PM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,068 times
Reputation: 1460
Quote:
Originally Posted by gentlearts View Post
If we went to a restaurant we always got sitters or we stayed home. What's this creepy bonding with your kids about? We left them at home whenever we got the chance.
See, I like that creepy bonding with my kid and if I didn't, I would've stayed childless; HOWEVER, because I enjoy parental bonding creepiness, I think it's seriously wrong to ignore your child, especially out in public -- and if your child isn't ready to be out in public and behave within reasonable limits, then I wish people would stay home or go to "child-friendly" restaurants like Chuck E. Cheese, where no one expects children to behave like little ladies and gentlemen at an English tea party.
 
Old 08-13-2007, 07:14 AM
 
43 posts, read 163,293 times
Reputation: 41
I am adamant that my children wont annoy others when we go out. We have never had to be overly strict and have never had to spank. Kids just have to know that you mean business. I was at the store the other day and there was a Mom with a 2-3 year old, the kid was reaching for the candy at the register over and over again. The Mom kept saying "if you keep doing that, I'll take the juice boxes back", she must have said it at least five times! If you say something to your kids MEAN it! Same with the library, last week I heard "if you don't stop shouting you will have to go home". In our family, if you shout in the library you WILL be going home and having a lecture as soon as we get outside! no second chances when others are trying to read.

We try to always have manners and be courteous of others. It's simple really you can't expect your children to automatically know how to behave and you have to be a good example for them. I used to take a train into the city every day. I would see Mom's telling their kids to sit quietly, meanwhile the parents talked loudly on their cell phones, didn't give up their seats to the elderly or even move out of the way of the door when people tried to leave the train. I see my kids as a direct reflection of me.

I am amazed at how so many people think there kids are smart for their age, even academically gifted yet they don't credit them with enough maturity to understand that they can't run around a restaurant. Same for the parents that take their kids on long flights and expect just a coloring book to occupy them for 4 or 5 hours.

If your kids don't have any respect or self control at 3 or 4 good luck when they are 12 or 13!

If your kid has loads of energy then take them on a walk before you go out to dinner. Get them a special cup and fork that they can only use when they eat out. Talk about it during the day before you go out, about how you have to sit and eat and what you expect of them. If they act up at dinner take them out of the restaurant and talk to them, bring them back and try again. Do that over and over if you have to. If it doesn't work out box up the food and leave. If your child seriously can't sit still when you eat out, start with a casual environment like a food court but expect the same behavior you would at a nicer restaurant. I would be so embarrassed if I couldn't take my kids out to eat!
 
Old 08-13-2007, 09:47 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,978,274 times
Reputation: 719
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles Wallace View Post
I agree that we just won't agree, but the problem with what you're saying is that everyone believes he or she has common sense. Have you ever heard anyone say, "Well, I'd like to spank my kids, but I have no common sense, so I had better not?" No matter what people do, they always think that they're exercising common sense or that their action is a reasonable action. We're very good at justifying whatever idiocy or laziness or immorality we do to ourselves.

Bottom line, at least for me when I was initially contemplating this issue as a parent and considering how my parents raised me (I was spanked fairly frequently with a hand and with a wooden spoon), I realized a few things that convinced me spanking was wrong:

1. No matter what euphemism one uses -- popping, smacking, slapping -- one is hitting one's child.

2. The purpose of the hitting is to cause pain. If it were not to cause pain, it would have no point and could be substituted by other, more effective ways of demonstrating disapproval.

3. Your child trusts you and loves you more than anyone else in the world. It is not worth violating that trust and that love by hitting them so as to cause them pain.

As a child when I was spanked, I theoretically "turned out okay" in the sense that I was never in jail, I never committed a crime, I went to a very good college on an academic scholarship, and I have a very stable life in a very respectable job.

That said, I learned early on that it was acceptable to hit other people and cause them pain or (when I was younger) to bite them. If biting and hitting didn't work, I could cause them pain through what I said. I learned that an acceptable response to anger is to hit, or that other people, if they are angry, should be hit. I don't think either of us has to be Sigmund Freud to connect that with what I was taught when I was a child. It's taken me a lifetime to learn more peaceful ways of managing my anger and defusing it.

I understand why some parents might want to spank their children. I've been tempted to myself, but what's always stopped me is the surety that if I were to violate my child's love for me and trust for me by hitting her, I would never really get that back again. There would be some love and some trust, sure. I have love and some trust for my mother, of course -- but I also know that when she is angry, she lashes out. Ultimately, her spanking made me love her less, respect her less, value her love less. I still love her a great deal, but I know what was lost.

I can't have that happen to my child.

I realize you and I will not agree, but I hope that I have convinced even one person to reconsider. Even one would be enough.
I'm sorry you don't value your mothers love. That is very very sad.
 
Old 08-13-2007, 10:18 AM
Status: "Just one man's opinion, I could be wrong." (set 24 days ago)
 
1,617 posts, read 2,016,955 times
Reputation: 1376
Quote:
Originally Posted by treeg26 View Post
Improper or excissive discipline would be considered abuse. Hitting with an object. Leaving marks that last. Of course with a lot of ignorant people out there "improper or excessive" can be judged differently depending on the person. I would give my kids a swat on the butt when they were 2-4/5 years old. A spanking on the butt with my hand as they got older when it was needed. They were always told why they were getting spanked. When they got older they were asked why and ALWAYS knew. I don't spank when I'm mad. If I am mad they sit in their room until I'm calm, we talk about what happened and if it is needed they get spanked.
This doesn't make any sense to me.

Kids have VERY short memories. If I repeatedly tell my son to stop doing something and he keeps doing it, he gets removed from the situation WITH a swat on the bottom. Then he goes to his room to time out and think about it.

Going to him later all calm, after he's had his time out and calmed down himself THEN laying a spanking on him is a very confusing, and IMO, ineffective method. You are punishing him with physical pain long after the incident has happened. (yes, 15 minutes is a long time for a child)

My son very rarely gets a swatt, but when he does, it happens to him WHILE he's doing the "wrong" not later on as a retroactive punishment for doing the wrong.
 
Old 08-13-2007, 10:36 AM
 
Location: Chicago 'burbs'
1,022 posts, read 2,978,274 times
Reputation: 719
I must clerify then. I did this (sending them to their room while I calmed down) when they were 7-9 years old and were really testing the limits! (Other parents of girls this age know what stage I'm speaking of!) Yes, I'd get really mad sometimes and did not want to ever spank when I was really mad. It would usually only take a couple of minutes for me to calm down and go in to talk to them. They were not 3 or 4 years old when this happened. You are right, at that age they needed immediate action. Having a 10 minute time out, then a spanking would be confusing to them.
 
Old 08-13-2007, 11:21 AM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,068 times
Reputation: 1460
Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoaday View Post
I am adamant that my children wont annoy others when we go out. We have never had to be overly strict and have never had to spank. Kids just have to know that you mean business.
YES. I am not a bluffer and not a "warn you three times" person. I'm more of a "warn you one time" person. Some of the best advice I ever got was from an ex-friend who was a terrible mother who ended up leaving her DH and three-year-old for a younger man. By that time, the little girl was very spoiled, very temperamental, very difficult to manage. She said, "The worst mistake I ever made with my DD was that I never learned to say 'no' and mean it." She was right.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Closed Thread

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top