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Obvious that the foster parent is paying attation to the kid or this post wouldnt be here .. RIGHT? give OP an A+ for seeing theres something going on and asking questions.. again his house his rules .. you dont trust the kids for a reason and this kid is giving reason to doubt him.. ALL the Soc servives give theres kids "rights" makes folks not want to help .. and there is a need there sad to say ..I would suggest to the OP he send the teen back and tell the workers he will only take certian ages and then stick to it ..
Wow...that is messed up. You really raise your children to fear you like that? At what point does a child turn into a real person, deserving of the same rights as others?
I can't believe that so many people are distrustful of their own children. Do you really feel that you've done that terrible of a job raising them that you can't trust them? I'm sure they feel awesome knowing that..
When does a child turn into a real person? Somewhere about the time they pack up and move out and pay their own rent or mortgage, phone and electric bills, food, car insurance, car maintenance and all that.
The Columbine killers' parents apparently trusted them or else were too busy to bother checking on things.
So the parent signs an agreement with the agency, knowing the rules but somehow it is ok to break that agreement, while expecting the foster child to follow the rules. Either everyone should be expected to uphold their agreements or none.
And yes they are doing a service, as did my parents for many years.
I do have a question for the op, if you have biological children, do you search their rooms on a hunch? I just don't see a teenager coming home with a baseball cap as an indication of stealing. Why not ask the child who he borrowed it from and give the parents a call. or talk to the teachers to find out if they suspect anything is going on.
And if he finds things in the teenagers room, I don't see how that proves that he stole anything.
Part of the reason for placing children in foster care rather than warehousing them is to teach them to trust again. Remember that the children in foster care were removed from their bio home for a reason or reasons. Every child has the right to trust that his caretakers, be they bio parents or foster/adoptive, will provide for them. Children who enter the system have learned to NOT trust because the caretakers did not provide for them or abused them.
So now, the foster parent, with very little pointing to the child stealing from others, wants to break the bond of trust that is obviously beginning to develop (the improved grades and behavior in school) and reinforce to this particular child that trust is for dummies. Do not trust for it is an illusion.
teaching the kid to trust means having a kid that parents can trust .. the "thug" hat was something to NOT trust especially when the kid acted like it was something to not be upset about..
The kid acted that way because it WAS nothing - at least to him. You are so ready to jump on kids, both yours and others', (at least from reading your posts) and it's actually quite scary. Spare the rod and teach the child how to respect others by giving respect.
However, it starts with the kid respecting the foster parents.
Have you ever worked with abused kids? Where does an abused child learn respect? If they've never been treated with respect, how are they supposed to show it?
By the time a child gets to a foster home, he has been fed lies, lies, and more lies. He has been promised that his needs would be met and shown that the promises are empty; that no one respects him or even themselves. He may have seen disrespect modeled in the form of one parent accepting abuse or even both parents showing no respect to the other or to their children.
I ask again: Where is this child supposed to have learned the respect that you insist he should show the foster parents? Respect must be shown, modeled, in order to be learned. It isn't something you can teach or demand.
Well we just had a meeting at the office of our agency with other foster parents. Seems as in our case, their foster children come home with things that we know don't belong to them and they get the same explanation, "A friend let me borrow it." So I told our foster child to not ever come home with "borrowed" items.
We do have biological children of our own and if we ever suspected anything, sure we would scout around in their room. We were seldom ever suspicious of them.
I have to say, we don't suspect any serious wrong doing with him. We think we are making a difference. We know he will lie to us on certain issues, because I think that is an internal survival mechanism he has. We just have to understand that it's not only us who has to learn to trust him, we have to get him to trust us too.
well Annie .. I admit to being hard on my kids and wouldnt be a ideal foster parent .. thats true BUT my kids didnt get into trouble, and didnt get arrested for stuff .. they knew that it was unacceptable with me .. how ever some of my grands got the 'just talk to them " game and no real line to follow and now I have two out of eight who are in jail for drugs and other stuff all because the father ( my son ) tried to be a nicer parent and not teach them theres a line they should never cross .. MY SON.. learned there was a reason I was so hard on him and is now saying he shoulda listened to me when we told him the kid was doing stuff and getting into trouble .. the kid stole money and other stuff and ds could only say thats not nice to his son and now look whats happened ..making the kid toe a line in life makes sense when we have such a out of balance world .. teaching respect is more than yes sir no sir.. thats true but its started early and its reinforced always .. maybe it the thug hat thing wasnt a big deal to the kid but what if it was stolen .. the kid gets off with a handslap and you lost ground .. .. and acting like its no big deal is unacceptable .. the courts and the social workers act like we are just there to feed and cloth the kids and not be responsible for thier crap .. excuse me .. the kids choices affect him/her later down the line and if we cant teach them to do things the right way then we are indeed a lost society ..
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Do you really feel that you've done that terrible of a job raising them that you can't trust them? I'm sure they feel awesome knowing that..
