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Old 08-10-2007, 07:02 AM
 
4,007 posts, read 9,887,667 times
Reputation: 1792

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Again, I think this person is a troll.

1 post and she has never come back.

This is the kind of post that will get attention and posts, but the poster isn't even here.

Dawn
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Old 08-10-2007, 08:42 AM
 
180 posts, read 887,722 times
Reputation: 162
Maybe she was overwhelmed with all the firmly stated posts.

Here's what I did with my daughter when having the same difficulties. (and yes, she grew up in a well disciplined home but it pretty much meant nothing when she turned the magical age of 18)

I wrote out a plan and included the rules she already knew. I informed her that we would stick to this plan and she could be a willing partner in it or not.
She had 90 days to get with the household program.
She would abide by the rules of the house or leave.
She would obtain another job and keep it.

She didn't... I took her to the Salvation Army and dropped her off. She spent 3 nights there, called crying and I refused to pick her up. I told her that she broke the agreement and I would not support or enable her lazy, irresponsible lifestyle.
She called again two weeks later... had a job... could she come home and start over?
I agreed and we started over.

She got another job and kept it. Today she is going to nursing school, working and living on her own. I still have to loan her 5$ once in a great while but I don't mind that.

Parenting doesn't end when they turn 18. Parenting means being limber, willing to bend and start over sometimes. Not much can be set in stone when you love your kids... you have to be willing to bend with the learning curve that is theirs. If I hadn't, I don't know that this girl would be such a wonderful adult today.
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Old 08-10-2007, 11:58 AM
 
Location: N of citrus, S of decent corn
34,566 posts, read 42,724,437 times
Reputation: 57229
She did not get this way overnight. I wish everyone with bratting little kids would realize that this is what happens when respect and responsibility isn't instilled at a young age.
I could not kick her out on the street at that age. Do not give her money for anything, and tell her if she doesn't follow some basic rules she will have a deadline for other living arrangements. Then mean it.
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Old 08-10-2007, 07:15 PM
 
1,428 posts, read 2,772,580 times
Reputation: 1460
Quote:
Originally Posted by THASPECIAL View Post
Spanking worked for me when i was growing up........Is a time-out going to stop your teenage boy from using your car for the night out?.....lol
No, but keeping an eye on your keys will.

And I would hope no one would be spanking anyone, much less a teenage boy. They tend to hit back -- and make it count.
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Old 08-10-2007, 10:12 PM
 
Location: Northglenn, Colorado
3,689 posts, read 9,253,000 times
Reputation: 944
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyann65 View Post
Help please

My daughter is 19 and will not hold a job all she wants to do is sleep party and complain how it is all everybody's fault sh looses her jobs. She has been through 5 jobs in the last 2 months. This last one she had for 3 days and quit to go on a boat with her buddies for her birthday.
My husband who is her step dad is about at his end with the whole thing and I just do not know what to do. I love my daughter AND my husband he wants to kick her out but i have stopped that because she has no place to go and for a girl on the street it just is not safe any suggestions or advice would be wonderful
Kelly

kick her out for a couple of days, once she gets a feel for what its like on her own, she will come back crying. tell her that if she does not work hard to keep a job, you will start charging her rent, and make the punishments progressivly worse from there. Dont pay for anything outside of room and food, make her pay for anything she wants including clothes, gas, entertainment and so forth.
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:27 AM
 
13,466 posts, read 14,451,501 times
Reputation: 7645
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles Wallace View Post
And I would hope no one would be spanking anyone, much less a teenage boy. They tend to hit back -- and make it count.
If my son struck my wife or I, that would be the first and last time. And yeah, we popped his behind a few times but it's been a few years.
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:27 AM
 
Location: Orlando Florida
1,352 posts, read 5,681,215 times
Reputation: 409
Quote:
Originally Posted by Charles Wallace View Post
No, but keeping an eye on your keys will.

And I would hope no one would be spanking anyone, much less a teenage boy. They tend to hit back -- and make it count.
Why should you have a fear of your kid stealing your car keys....spanking resolves all of that.....they know what will happen after they touch your keys......im not even talking about abuse or a beating with a fist....spanking works.......answer what has happened to society since spanking started being considered a "cruel" thing?.......guess what?...when it was more accepted in society kids behaved better for some reason
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Old 08-11-2007, 01:38 AM
 
Location: CA
2,464 posts, read 5,686,944 times
Reputation: 2587
Quote:
Originally Posted by kellyann65 View Post
Help please

My daughter is 19 and will not hold a job all she wants to do is sleep party and complain how it is all everybody's fault sh looses her jobs. She has been through 5 jobs in the last 2 months. This last one she had for 3 days and quit to go on a boat with her buddies for her birthday.
My husband who is her step dad is about at his end with the whole thing and I just do not know what to do. I love my daughter AND my husband he wants to kick her out but i have stopped that because she has no place to go and for a girl on the street it just is not safe any suggestions or advice would be wonderful
Kelly
Kellyann65,

With all due respect, your daughter is walking all over you like a door mat. People can't walk on you unless you lay down.

You and your husband should be on the same page in parenting - your daughter is taking advantage of you - but you seem to know this already. Not knowing her, I could only guess that she's going through a selfish phase (I don't know too many people who haven't). Why should she be responsible when you are there to catch her? I would suggest tough love - help her find a place and a job. Then change your locks... it is better that she learns how to be an adult as a young and single person. Think about your grandkids that don't even exist yet... do you want them to have a mother who parties and has a hard time holding a job? Of course not. This cycle will not end as long as she has a free ride...
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Old 09-12-2007, 09:44 PM
 
95 posts, read 425,880 times
Reputation: 58
I agree with SandyCo. I wouldn't throw her out either. I have a 19 year daughter. She does not live with me. She just couldn't wait to turn 18 and get the heck out and on her own. She got a taste of what life was really about. She went to school and graduated high school and also held a job but rent was extremely expensive and had lots of different room-mates moving in and out. She finally understood that living on her own in Los Angeles North Hollywood area was not as fun as she thought. She moved back with her father and is still working and getting ready to go to film school.

I know this is totally a different case with your daughter. First of all I would set the rules. She is living under your roof. If she doesn't like it then give her several options.
Tell her she must start going out to pick up applications for a job and complete them and show them to you. She must submit at least 3 to 4 applications for work. If she argues with you, YOU DON'T NEED TO ENTERTAIN HER ARGUMENT! PERIOD.

Okay, If she doesn't start looking for work and showing that she wants to comply with your rules, then have her go and get an application for an apartment. Now you know and I know that she will not be able to be approved for an apartment since she does not have a job or credit established. The best thing is for her to see is and experience the denied application and know how difficult it will be to get on her own two feet.

You need to show her how the world really is. She is 19 years of age. The law states that she is an adult but as parents we all know that 18 years of age is not an adult. Lots of 18 years old now a days can not even graduate high school much less think and be responsible like an adult. I wish the law would change to a legal age of twenty-one.
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Old 09-13-2007, 06:23 AM
 
464 posts, read 686,081 times
Reputation: 143
You need to set some ground rules. As others have said school and work sorry but I don't think you run a hotel. Even if she is 19 she still lives under your roof and needs to follow your rules (curfew and helping out around the house). If she is not willing to follow your rules then she needs to find other living arrangements, giving her till she is 21 way to long, give her 3/6 months to chang her ways. Make sure you give her an exact date. You can't let her keep walking all over you, set the rules and keep to them.
Good Luck.
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