Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
[quote=gentlearts;14798678]Your father's attitude is crippling you. Has he done this to you for other things throughout your life?
Yeah I kind of feel like he has been crippling me because he didn't really want me to go 6 hours away to college, didn't really want me studying abroad, doesn't really want me living out of state, etc. He doesn't always say it out loud but more indirectly.
I just wanted to add that my dad and I really do have a great relationship even though his overprotectiveness can be crippling at times. I just don't want to make it seem like he's a bad father or something but I feel the exactl opposite. I just want him to let go.
I think Dad has a hard time realizing his little girl is no longer little. Find away to show him your an adult. I'm not sure how to give you suggestions on this. I know my mom had a hard time letting go. She likes to play the guilt trip one night I just basically laid it out on her. Not in a bad way, just expressed my feelings of how she was treating me, since then, things have gotten a lot better.
So the driving thing. My advice would be to not have any distractions for the first few times you drive by yourself on the expressway. Like not having your niece in the car, maybe no radio, phone on vibrate or turned off, having both hands on the steering wheel and always, always be looking on the road further than a car or two ahead that way when you see brake lights you have time to let up on your gas petal slow down. Give yourself some confidence, you've done this before.
I think you need to just go.... go study abroad, go on the expressway, go on a trip that you want to take, etc.... if you are financially independent this will be easier. If not, you might want to work towards that so you can live your life as you want now that you're an adult.
You could even sit and talk with you dad and explain that you value his opinions and will often seek his advice (if you do this) but ultimately you'd like to get out more and see more and make your own mistakes and decisions. I like the poster who suggested that he take your out on the expressway, or you take him with you... use this as a growing/bonding moment.
Talk to him as an adult and he will learn to eventually respect you as an adult.
I pushed my family when I was your age and moved overseas...but I worked two jobs to be able to do it and knew the entire time they were hesistant about me leaving. In the end, they came to respect the decisions I made for my own life because I was responsible. I used to call them and ask for their advice on things... say I'm going to do x or Y (that's not negotiable) which would you suggest... it gave them a feeling of involvement.
aroudn the time i was 16 my parents were reversed, my mother always told me to stay on back roads, and my dad would say "just go do it already"
well theres a highway near my house called 151, i took the keys to a small SUV around midnight and cautiously made my way to it, and just drove. its a pretty straight line end to end. and by the time i got home it was about 2 in the morning, i had used half a tank of gas!
my dad was waiting for me when i got home. i thought i was never gonna be allowed to drive again, first words out of his mouth were "how fast did you get it going?", i responded "uhhhh, 80" he said "if you don't tell your mom, i won't either" and smiled and went to bed.
my current car is german and speed limited to 155, i can get it passed 100, but still doesn't match the feeling i got being liberated the first time on my own on that highway.
Driving a car is mental, not mechanical. There are only a couple of things you do mechanically when driving a car--- you steer it from side to side and you speed up and slow down. That's it. Everything else you do is in your head. You know where the other cars are, you know what they can do and what they might do and what they can't do, you know how far down the road you can see, and you know where you need to make lane changes, and you know which other drivers are unpredictable---these are all things that you need to constantly keep track of in your head. When you're driving your car, you' re 'on the job'. If you want to be entertained, stop and get out and go to a movie. Listen to your car talking to you. It will tell your ears about every subtle change in the car and in on the road.
Rule number one: Turn the radio off. You can't drive when you are thinking about something else, because driving takes ALL of your mind.
When all the cars stay in their lane and go the same speed, Einstein's theory of relativity takes over, which makes everything pretty simple. It's the same as sitting in a parking lot. All cars staying in their lane and going the same speed (zero). When everyone is going 65, the one guy going 70 is like a car going 5 mph in a parking lot. He is easy to pick out, and easy to predict where he is going and when he will get there. You'll be fine as long as you don't change (relatively) your speed and direction and get in his way.
Rule number two: Be a raindrop. When it's raining, rain drops never bump into each other, because they're all going in the same direction at the same speed.
Freeways are very predictable places. It is very unlikely that you're going to be surprised by anything that happens on the freeway. But don't take that for granted, because sometimes, things do happen.
Rule number three: Look WAY down the road, not just the bumper of the car in front of you. If something happens way down the road, you want to be the first to know about it.
Turn off the radio. Be a raindrop. Look way down the road.
So I'm 22 years old and I was really late when starting to drive as driver's education wasn't required at my high school so I didn't take it (BIG mistake). I relied on my parents to teach me how to drive and didn't get my license until I was 20. With my mother working at night, my dad being overprotective and me being 6 hours away from home at college, I really didn't get much experience driving on the express way. My mom works nights so she always leaves the car at home for me to drive when I'm home from school. I have only driven on the express way twice and both times, I was in the car with my mother and did fine (she said so herself). She has given me permission numerous times to get out on the express way by myself. I haven't gone through with it yet because I admit that I'm really nervous about going out there on my own.
I think my dad's lack of faith in my driving kind of adds to my nervousness because when I come home, I get the feeling that he doesn't want me driving at all (not just on the expressway). When I drive to the movies with my friends, take my five year old niece to the park, etc he always looks like he doesn't want me to drive and he's always wanting to drive me everywhere. Last summer we got into a HUGE fight about me wanting to drive to church(I would have to get on the express way). My mother was fine with it and he was furious and we ended up having a huge argument and he got physical(won't go into that here). So every since then I have limited my driving to short distances because I feel he doesn't think that I can drive and his lack of confidence in me kind of makes me less confident.
Should I take my mom's advice and just get out there on my own and just drive because when I was with her I did fine and wasn't all that nervous at all or should I just keep my driving to short distances to please my father? Would love to hear from a parent's perspective because I really don't know what to do. I want to get out there and learn but I don't want to upset my father either.
If you think your ready, go for it but you need to be 10000000% sure before you do so. Otherwise you could panic and the outcome may not be a good one. If you don't mind me asking, where do you live or what kind of culture are you from? I'm just curious b/c you said your school didn't mandate driver's ed. Most people from OK learn how to drive early on. My mom taught me to drive on a stick (a little Honda Accord, nothing cool ) at the age of 13!
If you think your ready, go for it but you need to be 10000000% sure before you do so. Otherwise you could panic and the outcome may not be a good one. If you don't mind me asking, where do you live or what kind of culture are you from? I'm just curious b/c you said your school didn't mandate driver's ed. Most people from OK learn how to drive early on. My mom taught me to drive on a stick (a little Honda Accord, nothing cool ) at the age of 13!
I'm from Memphis and I'm African American and the school I went to offered Driver's Ed but did not require it and I didn't take it unfortunately. But thanks to you and everyone else for your support!
Driver's Ed is a waste of time unfortunately it was required for me to get my license. They teach you things that are common sense such as don't look at your mirrors for more than one second and be aware of your surroundings. Just get out there and drive. There's really nothing to be worried or intimidated about. It's just like driving on a regular highway without traffic lights and a higher speed.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
