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Interesting point. I always found the kids who were most sheltered and prevented from a little teen rebellion were the ones who went off the deep end when it came time for college. Chances are the dorm alcoholic never had a beer before college. Chances are the dorm **** came to college a virgin. Chances are the dorm pot head never smoked a joint before college.
Not that it's a universal, but allowing your kids a little freedom to explore when you have the ability to intercede and provide guidance, is much better than hoping someone at the frat house cares enough to roll them on their side when they're passed out drunk.
I went to college extremely sheltered. I might have been in the minority but in the first two weeks I discovered Sex , pot , alcohol , and cigarettes. Yes, I was the one they were carrying out of the bar completely toasted. It was one rough two weeks...and then I joined the military. The next several years were kinda tough too. It took me almost 10 years to get over what I call "The Freedom Movement" and adjust to being on my own and not answer to anyone except my bill collectors.
Yes we should let them slowly have more freedom but it is so hard when you are the "No" mom. It is hard when you have been there/done that. I am working on it.
Interesting point. I always found the kids who were most sheltered and prevented from a little teen rebellion were the ones who went off the deep end when it came time for college. Chances are the dorm alcoholic never had a beer before college. Chances are the dorm **** came to college a virgin. Chances are the dorm pot head never smoked a joint before college.
Not that it's a universal, but allowing your kids a little freedom to explore when you have the ability to intercede and provide guidance, is much better than hoping someone at the frat house cares enough to roll them on their side when they're passed out drunk.
I have to agree with you-although I don't agree that you should give your kids carte blanch to do these things (drinking, sex, etc.) you should at least TALK to your kids about making good choices. I also think kids that see adults drink RESPONSIBLY teaches them that you don't have to get PLASTERED every time you go out. With the increasing number of helicopter parents out there, colleges are seeing an increased rate of binge drinking and other very unhealthy behavior and no one seems to be putting 2 and 2 together between parents that have hovered over their kids never letting them make a decision or fight their own battles and irresponsible behavior in college.
It's all the same. Pit party. Bonfire party. Camping trip. Fishing trip. Hiking trip. The same things go on at all of them if an adult isn't there.
No it's not.
It's ludicrous to think teens get together for the same reason no matter what the occasion. Pit parties are for drinking and drugs; that's all. Bonfires are for cooking hot dogs, listening to music and maybe a some drinking, but generally having a good time. Camping and fishing are for spending time actually for the sake of being outside, away from home on their own, being self sufficient and appreciating their independence.
When kids are small, and young still, it's the parents' job to set boundaries and adhere to those boundaries. All the while they are growing up, those boundaries should broaden with age and responsibility until they are mid teen when they should begin setting their own boundaries to some extent, so when they reach 17 and 18 they are able to decide what is ok and what is not on their own.
Teens need to widen their boundaries because the world is big; possibilities are endless and they shouldn't grow up being afraid of going out into it. They also need to push the envelope a bit into the unsafe so they understand their capabilities and limits.
My mother always made me afraid of everything so I was a goody two shoes in high school and it was ridiculous how timid I was as a young adult.
Camping, hiking, bonfires are all ok with me, as well as some things I don't know about, but pit parities, whether she went or not, I'd have to say no as a responsible parent.
From my again very limited experience, hard drugs are very rare at these parties and generally would not be tolerated by the partygoers. Marijuana, however, may be smoked by a few, but alcohol is (by a very long shot) the primary drug, usually in the form of beer, vodka, and whiskey - at least that's what I've seen before. Sexual activity almost never occurs at the party scene. Drunken fights do break out, however. I have never heard of anybody bringing weapons to the party site.
Think again. I'm only nine years older than you, grew up in NW Wisconsin and spent most of my twenties in either NE Minnesota or NW Wisconsin. The few parties I went to had hard drugs, marijuana, and sex. The many parties I heard about had marijuana and sex, and I'm sure hard drugs, but that was hush-hush. When I went to college in NE MN, I heard friends talk about their high school parties in Northern MN, and yep, drugs, alcohol and sex.
It's all the same. Pit party. Bonfire party. Camping trip. Fishing trip. Hiking trip. The same things go on at all of them if an adult isn't there.
Not really. A fishing trip for example is a small group of friends. A camping trip is pretty much that. Same with hiking - kids don't hear of a group of 4-6 friends going hiking and try to crash it.
A pit party is about kids and adults (18-30 or so) from all over meeting in some remote place to drink and do drugs and have sex. It's not a limited group of kids who all know and trust each other. Drugs are very common - the norm in fact at pit parties, drugs like date rape drugs, cocaine, ecstacy where a group out hiking is only go to do drugs if they always do drugs anyway.
When my step-daughter was a teen in Northern Michigan, it seems like just about every weekend in decent weather, she was out camping with a gang. Plenty of beaches, lakeshores, woods full of logging roads. Groups would go off together to spend the night or maybe the whole weekend. Usually equipped with rudimentary camping gear, sometimes just barely and sleeping on the ground. Never came home pregnant, never came home with STIs, never came home drunk, never came home in a police cruiser. Never came home depressed or in a bad mood or looking guilty.
When she went to college in Montana, it was the same---weekends in the mountains somewhere, just camping out, with whomever happened to be going.
Sounds like good wholesome fun, to me. The outdoors is not a bad place.
I didn't know gangs went camping but I can't imagine allowing a teenage daughter to go out camping with gangs.
From my own observations as a teen, I think parents ruling teenagers with an iron fist promotes rebellion, not morality. When I was 17, my friend's mom let us raid her alcohol cabinet. She would check on the two of us and eventually cut us off. I was able to experience alcohol for the first time in a safe environment.. and learned what not to do (I got very sick!).
Eventually teens are going to get cars or their friends will, and will be able to get away with going to parties without their parents' consent. My mom would just tell me to be safe and that she was always ready to pick me up at any time. I learned from the few parties I went to that I didn't like alcohol. I knew my mom didn't exactly approve of drinking, and although she wasn't banning it from me, I felt like I wanted to be a better person so I learned to turn it down.
I don't think so. Some of the most sheltered kids I knew growing up didn't do anything especially wild or rebellious.
Your friend's mother was obviously too stupid to know that there is such a thing as severe alcohol intoxication and kids can and have died from alcohol poisoning. Ever here of drowning in your own vomit?
The fact is, kids wil push up against whatever boundaries are set for them. That doesn't mean you should remove all boundaries and allow kids to do whatever the hell they want or whatever the hell their friends talk them into.
As a parent you know you have to set the boundaries somewhere - and you know they will push them, sometimes step over them. That's why some of the very sheltered kids would get a 6-pack of beer and drink it in their family's basement - but you don't have to allow them to go to every drug and sex orgy out there because you're afraid they break your rules now and then.
I don't think so. Some of the most sheltered kids I knew growing up didn't do anything especially wild or rebellious.
Your friend's mother was obviously too stupid to know that there is such a thing as severe alcohol intoxication and kids can and have died from alcohol poisoning. Ever here of drowning in your own vomit?
The fact is, kids wil push up against whatever boundaries are set for them. That doesn't mean you should remove all boundaries and allow kids to do whatever the hell they want or whatever the hell their friends talk them into.
As a parent you know you have to set the boundaries somewhere - and you know they will push them, sometimes step over them. That's why some of the very sheltered kids would get a 6-pack of beer and drink it in their family's basement - but you don't have to allow them to go to every drug and sex orgy out there because you're afraid they break your rules now and then.
She obviously did know about alcohol poisoning, which is why she watched us and cut us off. Yes, we got drunk, but certainly not enough to send us to a hospital. I also never said to not have any boundaries, just that being too strict isn't likely to turn your kids into saints. Every child is different, and every child's group of friends is different, and I was given a lot of room by my mom because she trusted me to make smart choices. Which I did, and continue to do. Besides, who ever said anything about drugs and sex orgies? Those are different stories. Not all parties with alcohol turn into that.
I went to college extremely sheltered. I might have been in the minority but in the first two weeks I discovered Sex , pot , alcohol , and cigarettes. Yes, I was the one they were carrying out of the bar completely toasted. It was one rough two weeks...and then I joined the military. The next several years were kinda tough too. It took me almost 10 years to get over what I call "The Freedom Movement" and adjust to being on my own and not answer to anyone except my bill collectors.
Yes we should let them slowly have more freedom but it is so hard when you are the "No" mom. It is hard when you have been there/done that. I am working on it.
It also always the most sheltering moms that believe their child is an "angel". My mom was never overly strict about anything but I knew what I could and couldn't do. As a result I never felt the need to get overly drunk "just because I was at college and away". I never really rebelled because I always felt the rules in my house where reasonable.
I was also in a sorority in college and we always had to watch this video about a girl who went off to college and died of alcohol poisoning. Very sad, however her mom comes on and said "She only ever drank once in her life and got sick and swore she would never drink again. She was such a good girl who got all straight A's". PLEASE. It's obvious by the video that she drank more than just once. No one goes from "drinking once" to consuming an entire bottle of vodka in an hour then doing keg stands. I think those types of parents are out of touch.
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