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I think boys, being the dominant of the species are more likely to go to something like that and come out relatively unscathed for the future, but girls? Not a chance. Still, I would never ALLOW them to go.
You have boys, I have girls. You would naturally worry a little less.
umm, well I might worry a little less, but as another poster had pointed out, with boy's you have another set worries ....so were all in the same boat one way or another.
I have triplets so whatever goes on, goes 3 times as much.
thank heavens the teen years are way over!!!
No way on God's green Earth. No way, no why, no how.
Just asking me would get her sat down on the couch to, once again, listen to my "you are under-age, it is illegal, and I love you too much to let you do something stupid because your brain isn't even fully developed yet" lecture.
I'm wondering if I'm the only parent who attended bonfire parties in the middle of the woods as a teen? Of course, I didn't ask my parents for permission.
Parents are sort of nuts to expect that their child won't attend a bonfire party at some point in their teen years. I know first hand that teens can attend these parties without their parents' knowledge. If a teen asked permission, that says a lot about how much a teen trusts to have open and honest communication with parents. I would also appreciate that the teen was being open with me. That's why I would says YES, but with restrictions and expectations. It's definitely better to have an influence on children with open communication and clear expectations than to put them into a situation where they are sneaking and doing something your knowledge or guidance.
As a matter of fact, I did let my son attend two different bonfire parties when he was about 17. They weren't in the the middle of the woods. They were in back yards. If there was alcohol, it was probably limited since the bonfire was close to the teen's house. But alcohol has never been a concern of mine with my children. Neither of them like to drink. Marijuania was their teen rebellion.
For the record, both bonfire parties he attended were very uneventful. I find it funny that parents think location makes a difference. You send a child to sleep over at a friend's house and they go for a walk in the woods and drink. They could be doing it while they have a friend sleeping over at your house too.
Off the top of my head, I remember doing the following as a teen:
---We would buy fountain drinks at Burger King and spike them with wiskey when going to the roller skating rink. We did this for the movie theater too.
---I would sleep over a friend's house and we would go to a bonfire in the woods near her house without the knowledge of either of our parents. Her parents simply thought we were visiting another girlfriend's house a few blocks away.
---We'd raise a chain blocking a dirt road and pull a car into the middle of a corn field, crank up the music and drink there.
---Too numerous to mention are the times we snuck out in the middle of the night after the parents went to sleep while we were sleeping over at each other's houses.
The more strict you are as a parent, the more creative the teen will be at finding a way to do these things. Aside from never letting them out of the house, you can't prevent teens from doing these things. As a matter of fact, my son was exposed to more alcohol when he would sleep over at friends' houses---because his friends' parents drank and their houses were full of alcohol. My husband and I don't drink so kids would be hard pressed to find alcohol in my home. They'd have to obtain it from one of their friend's houses (where parents drink and keep a stocked bar) and sneak it into our house. Definitely possible, but more difficult than living in a house where alcohol is readily available.
I wonder how many of you who voted NO WAY to the bonfire party drink yourselves and have alcohol in your houses.
I might trust my child to behave responsibly at such a gathering, but I have no idea how the other kids present might behave, so NO. Too risky.
I agree with you, but having known that the party is walking distance from the said child's house, I'd allow it. She'd know she couldn't do anything to get herself in trouble b/c I would be down there checking on her A LOT.
Is it possible that the daughter in this situation feels uncomfortable with attending the party and really wants a parent to say no, so she doesn't have to be responsible for the decision?
We have told our kids many times that they can ALWAYS use us as an excuse if they can't find another way out of a tough situation-they can always say "my mom said I couldn't go" or whatever. We don't even have to know about it, just use the excuse.
I'm wondering if I'm the only parent who attended bonfire parties in the middle of the woods as a teen? Of course, I didn't ask my parents for permission.
Parents are sort of nuts to expect that their child won't attend a bonfire party at some point in their teen years. I know first hand that teens can attend these parties without their parents' knowledge. If a teen asked permission, that says a lot about how much a teen trusts to have open and honest communication with parents. I would also appreciate that the teen was being open with me. That's why I would says YES, but with restrictions and expectations. It's definitely better to have an influence on children with open communication and clear expectations than to put them into a situation where they are sneaking and doing something your knowledge or guidance.
As a matter of fact, I did let my son attend two different bonfire parties when he was about 17. They weren't in the the middle of the woods. They were in back yards. If there was alcohol, it was probably limited since the bonfire was close to the teen's house. But alcohol has never been a concern of mine with my children. Neither of them like to drink. Marijuania was their teen rebellion.
For the record, both bonfire parties he attended were very uneventful. I find it funny that parents think location makes a difference. You send a child to sleep over at a friend's house and they go for a walk in the woods and drink. They could be doing it while they have a friend sleeping over at your house too.
Off the top of my head, I remember doing the following as a teen:
---We would buy fountain drinks at Burger King and spike them with wiskey when going to the roller skating rink. We did this for the movie theater too.
---I would sleep over a friend's house and we would go to a bonfire in the woods near her house without the knowledge of either of our parents. Her parents simply thought we were visiting another girlfriend's house a few blocks away.
---We'd raise a chain blocking a dirt road and pull a car into the middle of a corn field, crank up the music and drink there.
---Too numerous to mention are the times we snuck out in the middle of the night after the parents went to sleep while we were sleeping over at each other's houses.
The more strict you are as a parent, the more creative the teen will be at finding a way to do these things. Aside from never letting them out of the house, you can't prevent teens from doing these things. As a matter of fact, my son was exposed to more alcohol when he would sleep over at friends' houses---because his friends' parents drank and their houses were full of alcohol. My husband and I don't drink so kids would be hard pressed to find alcohol in my home. They'd have to obtain it from one of their friend's houses (where parents drink and keep a stocked bar) and sneak it into our house. Definitely possible, but more difficult than living in a house where alcohol is readily available.
I wonder how many of you who voted NO WAY to the bonfire party drink yourselves and have alcohol in your houses.
Haha your right! Although my parents knew what I was doing most of the time, there were situations where they didn't. My parents weren't all that strict, but they did set expectations in which I was required to meet.
I agree. You worry about them both. Having one of each. I worry just as much about my son making poor decisions or being in the wrong place/wrong time as I did about my daughter.
If anything, I would probably be opposite; only b/c boys tend to act/react impulsively without thinking about the consequences rather than being like girls who act/react on logic at a young age. I would let my daughter go b/c I feel she would be more rational in a situation than my son would be.
I wonder how many of you who voted NO WAY to the bonfire party drink yourselves and have alcohol in your houses.
Not getting the headsmack here. I do drink and do have alcohol in the house but I am 47 and my kids are....not. The OP was about allowing a 16 y.o. to go to an unsupervised party where there was alcohol, out in the middle of nowhere. Not about what we did (unbeknownst to our parents) "back in the day"....Frankly, there is a lot more to be worried about today than 30 years ago - in terms of risk as well as the fact that youthful indescretions and mistakes in judgement are much more likely to follow you a lot longer than before. Even so, regardless of what some did, I seriously doubt it was with the blessings of their parents.
Not getting the headsmack here. I do drink and do have alcohol in the house but I am 47 and my kids are....not.
The headsmack is for having alcohol so easily attainable for your children.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
The OP was about allowing a 16 y.o. to go to an unsupervised party where there was alcohol, out in the middle of nowhere.
And most of the alcohol at teen parties in the middle of nowhere comes from kids stealing it from their parents' houses.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Not about what we did (unbeknownst to our parents) "back in the day"....Frankly, there is a lot more to be worried about today than 30 years ago - in terms of risk as well as the fact that youthful indescretions and mistakes in judgement are much more likely to follow you a lot longer than before.
I totally disagree. Life is not riskier today. The only thing that has changed is your perspective because you are now a parent.
Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom
Even so, regardless of what some did, I seriously doubt it was with the blessings of their parents.
Who are you fooling to think that you can stop your children from attending a bonfire at some point in their teen years?
And if your only concern is to appear to give 'blessings' then you're missing out on an opportunity to provide your children guidance.
I would much rather KNOW and give guidance than put them in a situation where they are sneaking and doing things on their own without guidance.
THAT'S a much riskier situation IMO.
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....so were all in the same boat one way or another.
I'm wondering if I'm the only parent who attended bonfire parties in the middle of the woods as a teen? Of course, I didn't ask my parents for permission. 
