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I put this in parenting vs education because my problem is what to tell my son, not how to handle the school.
First let me say that I honestly do not know whether my kid is truly gifted or just high achieving. He was tested at the end of the 08/09 school year after being recommended by his teacher. He was in the 3rd grade. He qualified for gifted (G/T) as we left our previous district - he was a point or 2 below the cutoff, actually, but his 3rd grade teacher went to bat for him because of his writing ability and she got him into the program after the appeal process.
We transferred to our current district at the beginning of the 09/10 school year. The current district's policy is to put kids who are new to the district into the GT program here as a transfer, but then test them at the conclusion of the transfer year to see if they qualify here.
My son had a wonderful year academically, got straight 'A's, missed only one question on the state mandated tests, and seemed to thrive with both the classroom curriculum and the GT class (only 1 hour/week). The GT kids are all grouped in one regular ed classroom, then have the 1 hour pull out. Socially, it was harder for him to adjust. He is shy and introverted. He slowly made friends throughout the year, mostly with the other GT kids. The GT curriculum builds on itself yearly; the kids do projects with their peers and already know what the next year's project will be. My son is looking forward to the projects in 5th and 6th grade.
The school did the GT testing in the spring. Unlike previous years, the kids were all well aware of why the testing was taking place, who was tested, and who is/is not in GT. It was not so obvious in our previous district; the GT kids were not all in one regular ed class together, but rather pulled from all of the different classes in one grade to go to the 1 hour/week pullout (so a couple of kids from each 4th grade class would go, vs 7 kids from one class). It is much more obvious who is/is not in the program here.
As I type this I realize I should have talked with my son throughout the year about the differences in qualifying here vs our old district....I guess I was hoping it would all work out. I finally got the results yesterday and found out my son did not qualify. The school is closed, no way to talk to anyone until they open again in August.
So now. I'm wondering what to tell my son. I haven't told him anything yet. I don't know if I'm just projecting how I would feel onto him, but it seems like this is potentially upsetting news. All his classmates are going to know that he is no longer in the GT classes; surely this will be commented on? He is not the most self-assured boy to begin with - I describe him as my 'glass half-empty' kid - things are interpreted in a negative light, he has to be persuaded that there is a good side to changes/new things. He seems easily embarrassed in social situations, and has a hard time letting things roll off his back.
Then there is how I feel - I feel terrible, and I think maybe I should've just not had him placed in the GT class to begin with. dammit.
Thank you for reading. I guess I'm wondering how to approach this with my son so that it isn't the devastating news that I am afraid it will be.
Tough situation to be sure. It sounds like your son has trouble making friends and fitting in, which is nothing to be ashamed of, it's just who he is. I imagine this will be hard on him if the only people he connected with are in G/T and now he is "different" yet again.
The way I see it you have two options:
1. Appeal to the school on your son's behalf (there should be someone there over the summer, or at least at the district office). Find out exactly why they felt he wasn't qualified and if this is based solely on a test score or if the G/T teacher also recommended he not continue. If this is just based on a test score, I would appeal to the teacher to recommend he continue in the program for another year. I wouldn't be shy about using the move and changing schools as an excuse. I think if you lobby hard enough, they'll give him at least another year.
2. Accept it for what it is and use it as a learning opportunity for your son. Throughout life things like this are going to happen. As much as it may pain you to see him upset, it is part of him growing up. He can either take this as a slap in the face and curl up into a ball, or he will double up his efforts and work harder to get back in the program if that's what he wants.
The friends issue is something else entirely, IMO. He made some friendships with the kids in the G/T program most likely because it was a smaller group and he felt more comfortable. I would reinforce to him that friendships transcend minor difference (in G/T or not in G/T) and that there is no reason why he has to lose his friends over this. It may also be worth it to try to get your son involved in an activity out of school that he enjoys. I've found with my son that his strongest friendships have developed through activities outside of school like sports and camps. It is easier for kids to develop bonds when they are sharing in something they are passionate about then it is to develop that friendship in a classroom.
First of all, let me say I'm sorry you and your son are going through this. Doesn't seem right. I really have not been very impressed with G/T programs. DD has been in two different ones. First one, she tested into, got the teacher recommendation and was guaranteed a spot for the rest of her school life. Then we moved. New district would not immediately transfer her into their G/T program. Tested her, observed her, asked for work samples, required referral from h/r teacher etc. for four months before entry. (5th grade, btw...seemed like she was applying to Harvard!) Anyway, the first program required a bit of extra homework projects, extra field trips and a special play was put on. Second program (different state) involved once a week pullout and a bunch of "creative thinking" worksheets and games. I didn't think either program was very worthwhile and the second one was actually harmful. Lots of social/political indoctrination stuff and dd's grades actually dropped.
In terms of helping your son accept his not being in the g/t again next year, the main thing I would stress is that like with everything else, the most helpful thing you can provide is EMPATHY. Don't try to superimpose how you might feel, don't try to come up with solutions. Just listen, listen, listen. And try to repeat back to him what he says about how he feels. It is incredibly important for kids to know that someone understands how they feel about things. You may think you know, but you may be surprised. So the first and most important thing to do is LISTEN and let him know you hear and understand what he is feeling. Then, as it comes up over the summer here and there, you can start casually helping him realize that its not the big "end all." You can point out the positive things about not being in the program; get to meet some new kids, not as much homework...You can reassure him that he is still very bright, the judgment of these particular tests and teachers say nothing about his inner worth and who knows, if he still "wants" to, maybe next year will be an option for him. Remember, if its a huge issue to you, it will be to him and probably vice a versa, assuming he's not too old yet. Hope some of this helps. Good Luck.
I think your observations and comments were very spot on. I'm also not a big fan of the G/T programs. The setup is just not right in most places and they more often stigmatize the kids in it, or those not in it and the actual benefit academically is negligible. I would really rather see a seperation of class rooms much like there are AP, Honors, Regular and Remedial in middle and high school. Put the best the school/district has to offer together and actually teach them an advanced curriculum. Then at least the social stigma could be offset by the academic benefits.
I'm supposing you are in Texas based on your location of Boerne and screen name?
I am in Texas as well and my experience with the typical GT clustering is that it usually means that particular teacher is quite capable of differentiated teaching for the GT kids. So that, in itself is a huge plus from a parent's perspective.
My 12 yr old was in the pull out program from 1st grade through 5th grade, then went on to middle school. For her there were never more than about 10 kids in the pull out class. it happened while kids were going to various 'specials' so no one ever made a big deal out of it. (Specials being music, computer, library and PE) The numbers varied from year to year due to kids moving, kids who stopped the program and those who were no longer pulled. Some of those who quit going (whether their choice or not) were behavior issues and some found it was no longer a good fit.
As they get older, our program offers far more complex thinking, problem solving, creativity and leadership. The kids who are academically advanced but struggle with the things above, no longer have a good fit with the program. It doesn't really give them what they might need. If he's not a big outside the box thinker-takes the lead type of kid, but instead sails through learning, then this will be a good move for him.
So, if he's going into 5th grade (if I figured that correctly) and it's the final year in elementary school, then I wouldn't worry about it much at all if I were you. If it was a GT school versus a once a week 1 hour pull out it would be a completely different story. In our case it only amounted to about 25 hours due to holidays, sick days, schedule conflicts, etc. That's not much in the grand scheme of things.
I'd explain to him it's like any other extra curricular activity where sometimes it's of great interest and sometimes it's not. Sometimes it is perfect for the child, sometimes not. Not all children make it for many other things besides this...choir, band, athletics and so on. It doesn't have to be a big deal.
He might even surprise you and be relieved to not go! My daughter hated that she missed part of music in order to go to the GT group during 5th grade! So she was excited when the GT teacher was out.
You don't necessarily have to spell out exactly that he didn't make the cut on the test either. You don't have to lie about it but you could always say, well, we're not going to do the GT program this year. I think you'd like it better if you did blah blah blah instead.
Just remember that if you are upset about it he will pick up on that whatever you do.
I think your observations and comments were very spot on. I'm also not a big fan of the G/T programs. The setup is just not right in most places and they more often stigmatize the kids in it, or those not in it and the actual benefit academically is negligible. I would really rather see a seperation of class rooms much like there are AP, Honors, Regular and Remedial in middle and high school. Put the best the school/district has to offer together and actually teach them an advanced curriculum. Then at least the social stigma could be offset by the academic benefits.
That's how they do it in my district. They have "G/T Centers". If your child qualifies for the program and your neighborhood school isn't a center, the county will bus them to the appropriate school. Each center has 2-3 G/T classes per grade.
I observed several of these classes during student teaching hours, and wow, it's quite the social experiment. Recess came along, and the kids all took their books out to the playground to sit on the pavement and read instead of play or run around!
yes, Texas, and yes, entering 5th grade. We have 6th in elementary here.
All of you are right, from a curriculum standpoint I can take or leave the GT program. They did some neat things; they designed and implemented science lessons for kindergarten classes, and then did a big project at the end of the year that was all in class work. But an hour a week - meh -
I am more concerned about the social repercussions of this, and am more than a little pissed about the process. The decision committee meets the 2nd week of June, the letter didn't arrive till they are already gone till August. I could go to central office, but prefer to start with the actual decision makers - which means if I want to understand their reasoning I have to wait till August. Can't help but think this was intentional on their part.
I did need the reminder to listen and not assume; when I decide to tell him I need to let him take the lead and listen to what he thinks about this. Hopefully relief will be what he feels.
He qualified for gifted (G/T) as we left our previous district - he was a point or 2 below the cutoff, actually, but his 3rd grade teacher went to bat for him because of his writing ability and she got him into the program after the appeal process.
I finally got the results yesterday and found out my son did not qualify. The school is closed, no way to talk to anyone until they open again in August.
So now. I'm wondering what to tell my son..
He didn't qualify either time. Why insist he be in G/T classes when he doesn't qualify? Would you be ashamed for him to be in regular classes? I'm not getting it at all.
What should you tell him? Tell him the truth. He didn't qualify. Why are you babying a fifth grader? No wonder he is so fragile. Do you protect him from every little disappointment in life? What is going to happen when he is faced with something really big?
Are you going to wrap him in cotton and protect him from life? Sheesh, just tell the boy the truth and send him to school. If he never learns how to face disappointment, how do you expect him to deal with embarrassment?
He didn't qualify either time. Why insist he be in G/T classes when he doesn't qualify? Would you be ashamed for him to be in regular classes? I'm not getting it at all.
What should you tell him? Tell him the truth. He didn't qualify. Why are you babying a fifth grader? No wonder he is so fragile. Do you protect him from every little disappointment in life? What is going to happen when he is faced with something really big?
Are you going to wrap him in cotton and protect him from life? Sheesh, just tell the boy the truth and send him to school. If he never learns how to face disappointment, how do you expect him to deal with embarrassment?
I doubt the other kids will even notice or care.
While I agree with the gist of your message your last line is not true.
The other kids most certainly DO notice and comments WILL be made, guaranteed.
While I agree with the gist of your message your last line is not true.
The other kids most certainly DO notice and comments WILL be made, guaranteed.
Sorry, but they really don't. I just discussed this with my daughter and without knowing what I posted, she said the other kids are so wrapped up in themselves at that age they wouldn't care who was and who wasn't.
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