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Old 07-03-2010, 12:43 PM
 
40,271 posts, read 43,452,438 times
Reputation: 25345
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
These kids are 9 and 10 years old, not older teens or young adults.
I know. I was just having a rant because it blows my mind that some parents never stop doing what is happening to the OP, no matter how old their children get.
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Old 07-03-2010, 12:47 PM
 
Location: Pa
31,928 posts, read 17,223,189 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
Just wanted to rant for a moment. I've got my friend's daughter at my house right now - the girls are best friends (9 yrs and 10 yrs old). My frustration is that everytime I have this girl over, her mom calls me to ask the most simple questions about bedtime, meals, when / where / how her daughter is... like I can't keep her 10 year old alive, fed, and cared for. She will call at 6:00 pm to ask if they've eaten dinner yet, call at 9:00 to remind me to put them to bed, text me when I'm driving to make sure her daughter has her seatbelt on... it just goes on and on. We're under a severe storm warning right now where we live (thunder, lightning, large hail)... so she just called me to tell me to make sure and keep the girls inside . Like I'm going to lock them outside in the weather...

Alrighty, I feel better now . Thanks for "listening".
Seems she is overprotective. I would tell her nicely I'm not an idiot and know what to do with kids.
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Old 07-03-2010, 12:47 PM
 
Location: a fantasy world
4,087 posts, read 4,469,311 times
Reputation: 3541
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I know. I was just having a rant because it blows my mind that some parents never stop doing what is happening to the OP, no matter how old their children get.
When I first moved away my mom would call me and say all kinds of things like this. I got to the point where I would say "No mom I didn't turn off the stove I actually have it open as I run with knives and before my set as a stripper" she stopped shortly after that.
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Old 07-03-2010, 01:16 PM
 
778 posts, read 912,512 times
Reputation: 1165
I think it's obvious the girl's mother has issues. I agree with those who suggest the mother may have some disorder, and suggest a gentle conversation with her.

When I was growing up I had a friend whose mother was practically her shadow, all the way into her teen years. I suppose it drove my mother nuts and I know it did me.

However, when I was older my father explained to me that this mother had been a Holocaust victim and only narrowly escaped with her life. She always wore long sleeves to cover her Nazi tattoo. I was horrified and wish I had known years earlier. It would have explained all her behavior.

I suggest keeping an open mind and having a conversation in person, not on the phone. If nothing improves after you speak to her, you can revisit whether or not to tolerate her treatment of you.
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Old 07-03-2010, 04:00 PM
 
2,853 posts, read 3,876,642 times
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My profession is child care and in my 20 years I have come across several parents like this.

For the worst one, I finally found a way to deal with it. She would call 3 or 4 times during the day with the same type things OP mentions. It got so bad that none of us wanted to be the unlucky one stuck answering her calls.

I began to lightly and jokingly say things that indicated she was going a little overboard. Always with a laugh or a wink or an exaggerated dramatic flair. Soon she began joking on her own when she called saying things like, oh it's the overprotective mom again....yes it's the crazy lady who can't stand to be away from her little girl....hey, guess who? It took awhile, but once she began to see her behavior as over the top and found she really could trust us, she quickly lightened up on her approach and eventually her calls slowed way way down.

By the time she had her second child and her first had been with us 3 yrs or so, she no longer felt the need to call hardly ever.
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Old 07-03-2010, 04:04 PM
 
2,605 posts, read 2,456,969 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohiogirl22 View Post
When I first moved away my mom would call me and say all kinds of things like this. I got to the point where I would say "No mom I didn't turn off the stove I actually have it open as I run with knives and before my set as a stripper" she stopped shortly after that.
GOOD FOR YOU !!! Same approach as mine would be.
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Old 07-04-2010, 12:53 AM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,384 posts, read 2,879,746 times
Reputation: 2320
Quote:
Originally Posted by noexcuses View Post
my conversation with her would go something like this:

Mother: Hi, has so-and-so had dinner? I'm sure she's hungry because we had an early lunch.

Me: No, we decided we'd just have a big breakfast in the morning sometime before noon. They've been running up and down the road for hours and they're having a blast. At least i think they are. I haven't seen them in the past couple hours.
---------------
mother text: Hi, just checking if so-and-so has her seatbelt on. I know she doesn't always remember.

Me text: No, it's too hot and besides, they are playing a game where one hides under the seat and grabs the other's ankle pretending it's a shark.
---------------
mother: Hi, just thought i'd give a call to make sure so-and-so is in bed. She was pretty tired earlier.

Me: No, they are still outside playing in the dark. Lightning bugs are out and they ran down to the park to catch some. They're going to sleep in the backyard under the stars tonight if they ever get back from the park.

Honestly, she deserves that. Maybe it would shut her up.

hahahaha
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Old 08-29-2010, 01:14 PM
 
Location: NJ
7,106 posts, read 12,942,735 times
Reputation: 3777
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
Oh my goodness!!!!Her mom should not ever let the child out of her sight then. That mother has some issues. She is way too overprotective or maybe she has some kind of a major anxiety problem. That would annoy me to no end. Just ignore her phone calls and texts.
I actually wonder if the kids have been telling her something.
Could be that the friend tells her mom that so & so stays up later then her; and that when she sleeps over, they're allowed to do this & this.

Same thing with dinner - maybe the kids say the OP cooks different or that they don't have to come in from playing to eat.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sabinerose View Post
Just wanted to rant for a moment. I've got my friend's daughter at my house right now - the girls are best friends (9 yrs and 10 yrs old). My frustration is that everytime I have this girl over, her mom calls me to ask the most simple questions about bedtime, meals, when / where / how her daughter is... like I can't keep her 10 year old alive, fed, and cared for. She will call at 6:00 pm to ask if they've eaten dinner yet, call at 9:00 to remind me to put them to bed, text me when I'm driving to make sure her daughter has her seatbelt on... it just goes on and on. We're under a severe storm warning right now where we live (thunder, lightning, large hail)... so she just called me to tell me to make sure and keep the girls inside . Like I'm going to lock them outside in the weather...
The best thing to do would be to say something like - my kids eat regularly at ..breakfast ..lunch ...dinner (insert times)
You could also say that when they have a friend over you may do a special meal like pizza
Then they take a bath/shower at such & such time & go to sleep..

You can also ask if there is a problem with the way you parent when she's over; maybe she'll tell you why she's acting this way. Perhaps she'd rather the kids sleep at her house and you not give her a break..

What time does your daughter go to bed? I wonder if it's later then what she allows her daughter to go to sleep. My girl had one friend - they were allowed to stay up later then I would allow so she stopped spending the night there.

As far as seat belts - I would tell her that no one drives in my car without one so you don't have to worry. I hate having to keep pulling over to text you back.
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Old 08-29-2010, 02:00 PM
 
852 posts, read 654,922 times
Reputation: 1026
I feel a little sorry for the other mom because it really does sound as if she has a full-blown anxiety disorder. One of my daughter's best friends has a mom whose quite over-protective, and she's not anywhere near this woman's level of fear. I'm sure it's frustrating, but for the girl's sake, I'd probably just go along, and then grumble to my husband or sister about it later. It sounds like that's what you're doing. Poor kid. She's going to have a hard life.
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Old 08-29-2010, 05:04 PM
 
Location: Australia
1,489 posts, read 1,608,642 times
Reputation: 1641
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoExcuses View Post
My conversation with her would go something like this:

mother: Hi, has so-and-so had dinner? I'm sure she's hungry because we had an early lunch.

me: No, we decided we'd just have a big breakfast in the morning sometime before noon. They've been running up and down the road for hours and they're having a blast. At least I think they are. I haven't seen them in the past couple hours.
---------------
mother text: Hi, just checking if so-and-so has her seatbelt on. I know she doesn't always remember.

me text: No, it's too hot and besides, they are playing a game where one hides under the seat and grabs the other's ankle pretending it's a shark.
---------------
mother: Hi, just thought I'd give a call to make sure so-and-so is in bed. She was pretty tired earlier.

me: No, they are still outside playing in the dark. Lightning bugs are out and they ran down to the park to catch some. They're going to sleep in the backyard under the stars tonight if they ever get back from the park.

Honestly, she deserves that. Maybe it would shut her up.
Wonderful.

It can get worse. When the kids have their own phones and the parents ring the kids instead of you. It can become quite frustrating for the kids so they turn the phones off and then when the parent finds them they blow up because the kid wasn't answering the phone.

To me it shows a lack of trust by the parents in both their kid and you.

On a serious side, don't you just wish that there was a way to politely bring this to their attention. Not something I am good at. I tend to just say to my self well I do things this way and you do them that way.
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