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Old 07-23-2010, 08:32 AM
 
Location: Texas
8,672 posts, read 22,235,619 times
Reputation: 21369

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Raising children is hard work, and yes, raising a teen-ager can be very trying. I used to invoke the saying often, "when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping." I would sometimes get so weary of my teen son arguing with me, I would just leave the house and go to a crafts store which I enjoyed. Somedays it made me feel like pulling my hair out! ...and he was good kid!

Overall though, even as a teen-ager, a very opinionated teen-ager (but aren't they all?!), I still enjoyed his company (most of the time.) The worst day of our lives was when two policemen arrived on our doorstep and informed me that he, along with two of his friends had been killed in a freak car accident. Happy? You get on with life (because you have to) and time heals to some extent but happy? To some extent, but it's been nine years now and I don't think I will ever be as happy as I was before I opened the door to the policemen that day.

Maybe just having one child made parenting a lot easier. I'm sure it did, but yes, I found parenting to be hard, but a total joy. I'm sure some children who are very troubled etc might make it not so joyous, but in general, I can't imagine parenting not being a joy. I just can't.
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:01 AM
 
13,245 posts, read 9,861,721 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kaykay View Post
Raising children is hard work, and yes, raising a teen-ager can be very trying. I used to invoke the saying often, "when the going gets tough, the tough go shopping." I would sometimes get so weary of my teen son arguing with me, I would just leave the house and go to a crafts store which I enjoyed. Somedays it made me feel like pulling my hair out! ...and he was good kid!

Overall though, even as a teen-ager, a very opinionated teen-ager (but aren't they all?!), I still enjoyed his company (most of the time.) The worst day of our lives was when two policemen arrived on our doorstep and informed me that he, along with two of his friends had been killed in a freak car accident. Happy? You get on with life (because you have to) and time heals to some extent but happy? To some extent, but it's been nine years now and I don't think I will ever be as happy as I was before I opened the door to the policemen that day.

Maybe just having one child made parenting a lot easier. I'm sure it did, but yes, I found parenting to be hard, but a total joy. I'm sure some children who are very troubled etc might make it not so joyous, but in general, I can't imagine parenting not being a joy. I just can't.
Oh Boy. You certainly put that into perspective. I'll strive to remember your post (I think it will stay with me) when Little FinterRufus becomes Adolescent FinsterRufus. Thank you.
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Old 07-23-2010, 09:21 AM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,164 posts, read 27,155,175 times
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Originally Posted by syracusa View Post
I am 37 and grew up in a place where parenting style in the 70's and 80's was still somewhere where American parenting style (or let's call it "child rearing") was prior to the 1960's: authoritative, with ALL parents naturally EXPECTING respect from children through adolescence and onwards. Or else. We were never treated as equals to our parents simply because we were not their equals, and neither would we have wanted to be. Perhaps, as someone here said, we had a leash on since day 1, and by the time we reached 14+, the leash was something completely comfortable and normal. Well, I am glad we had the leash.
Both of us today are perfectly comfortable with challenging authority (the wrong kind, of course, not just any kind, for the sake of being pains in the bu**).

But neither I nor my sister ever had any problems of any sort as teenagers with our parents. Same applied to the VAST majority of our age peers.
Adolescence just wasn't THE ISSUE I hear Americans talk about in complete horror, all the time.

As I have heard "wait until they are teenagers!!" one too many times now, I have involuntarily started to imagine my 5yo and 2yo as these horrible monsters at the ages 14+, that I will just want to squish when time comes.
Unfortunately, stories about teenagers on this forum do not help and in all honesty, I often have nightmares.

Other times, I just wish I could join the Amish.

So it is cultural and generational, not biological - without a doubt. Americans have done a lot of things right, but ushering in the "Enlightened", permissive, democratic, child-centered family model post 1960's, WAS NOT one of them. In fact, that was a tragedy - as far as I am concerned.
I totally agree! I wasn't horrible as a teenager. We have twin 2 year olds right now, and the discipline is a daily occurrence. The earlier you set boundaries and teach that there are immediate consequences for negative behavior, the easier life will be down the road.
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Old 07-23-2010, 03:55 PM
 
Location: Denver, Colorado U.S.A.
14,164 posts, read 27,155,175 times
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Originally Posted by rkb0305 View Post
“They’re a huge source of joy, but they turn every other source of joy to ****.”

I'm on page 5 of 6 and this is my favorite line so far. IMO kids turn your entire life into a series of "have to's" (anyone seen Parenthood, the movie with Steve Martin? He says "my entire life is a have to").

It is a thankless job. Making meals and snacks all day, cleaning up after them, laundry, diapers, wet sheets, discipline... All of this is have to, not want to. The fun things like taking them to the park or museum turn them into spoiled brats. I love to take my kids on outings, but all they do is complain that we didn't stay long enough or didn't go to the right park, or whatever. and they expect a fun outing every day.

For the first few years, at least they make doing things like traveling, exercising, having lunch with your friends, or a date with your husband nearly impossible, or so much trouble it doesn't seem worth it.

Yes, there are moments of joy, but they are few and far between compared with the daily grind. I'm trying to figure out how to make those moments overshadow the bad ones.
I've been home with my twin boys for over a year now, and they're in the Terrible Twos Some days I wounder how I can love them so much when they boil my blood so much. Today was typical... we went into Albertsons and one of them has a four alarm meltdown in the middle of the store. People staring, me trying to shut my brain off and get out as fast as possible. But then on the way home in the car, he was singing!

Yes, they're cute at this age. Cute like a baby tiger that can still rip your arm off I've talked to plenty of parents who are/were very happy to get to about age 4 or 5 when all the baby and toddler/preschool nonsense is over.
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Old 07-23-2010, 04:35 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,092,141 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by denverian View Post
I've been home with my twin boys for over a year now, and they're in the Terrible Twos Some days I wounder how I can love them so much when they boil my blood so much. Today was typical... we went into Albertsons and one of them has a four alarm meltdown in the middle of the store. People staring, me trying to shut my brain off and get out as fast as possible. But then on the way home in the car, he was singing!

Yes, they're cute at this age. Cute like a baby tiger that can still rip your arm off I've talked to plenty of parents who are/were very happy to get to about age 4 or 5 when all the baby and toddler/preschool nonsense is over.
I called my kids "bipolar" when they were 2. They were either the WORST or the cutest things ever! I think the "terrible 2's" last from 18 months-5 years! I wish I were kidding.
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