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responsibility of the host to make the guest feel comfortable.
to have a guest list that only includes one girl is a failure on his part and on his parents part.
She was the only girl who accepted, I assume that means others were invited. It happens sometimes.
DD was invited to a friends birthday party, the friend is a boy. Both guys and girls were invited to go to a movie and out to eat. She is the only girl who accepted the invitation and now feels awkward about going. She knows only 2 of the 5 guys going, counting the birthday guy.
I said she can call her friend and give him an 'out' by telling him that since only other guys are going they can go and have guy time and she can meet up with him another time.
She doesn't want to be rude and back out after she already accepted the invitation.
We're usually pretty good at managing stuff like this but there doesn't seem to be a good solution either way.
Suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks.
I don't think it would be rude at all to call him back and explain the situation being she doesn't know the other 3 guys. It's one thing if it's a mixed group, but guys do talk differently among themselves. I do think a gift would still be nice that she can give to him at another time.
If she doesn't have the courage to call him and let him know, she'll have to suck it up and go.
It will be a lesson well learned because everyone needs to deal with uncomfortable situations.
She simply needs to decide which situation makes her more uncomfortable----canceling or going.
I disagree, she's still a child...it's hard for them to come out and be honest at times....
why not give her an out by using you as an excuse? ie: you won't let her go, or whatever the excuse may be. my kids always know they can use me as an excuse not to do something they aren't comfortable with.
If she doesn't have the courage to call him and let him know, she'll have to suck it up and go.
It will be a lesson well learned because everyone needs to deal with uncomfortable situations.
She simply needs to decide which situation makes her more uncomfortable----canceling or going.
Yup, this is where she is at right now. I think if she knew all of the guys she'd fine but I'm leaving it to her to handle it. There will be far more uncomfortable situations for her to deal one...I'm kind of surprised she is struggling with this one.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ceece
My D would have been ALL OVER THAT PARTY at age 15! LOL! She was often the only girl in a group of guys.
LOL, I told DH about the party and dilemma (he's out of town right now) and he asked me to repeat the part that was the problem. Said that such a situation would NEVER be considered a problem for a teenage guy.
Thanks for the suggestions. Yes, other girls were invited, most declined...I think two were undecided so maybe one of them will still show...??? Most of her girl friends were also invited, I don't think she has an available friend to bring along. I'm not used to seeing her so hung up on what seems to be a relatively minor social situation. But, I'm not complaining....the is the most drama we've had around here in a long time and it's nothing compared to most 15 yr old girls.
She's going to have to figure it out today though. At this point she's leaning toward inviting him to go for birthday ice cream at Carvel, giving him the gift there and letting the guys do the movie and pizza. I'll let you all know how it shakes out.
I disagree, she's still a child...it's hard for them to come out and be honest at times....
She's only a child for three more years. Teens need to start learning how to handle issues like adults before they become adults.
Quote:
Originally Posted by breeze823
why not give her an out by using you as an excuse? ie: you won't let her go, or whatever the excuse may be. my kids always know they can use me as an excuse not to do something they aren't comfortable with.
How do you think these lies are going to translate when they become adults? When 18, they can't say "my mom won't let me do that" anymore.
Teenager shouldn't be taught avoidance techniques when they need to learn real life social skills.
Yup, this is where she is at right now. I think if she knew all of the guys she'd fine but I'm leaving it to her to handle it. There will be far more uncomfortable situations for her to deal one...I'm kind of surprised she is struggling with this one.
You're a wise mom! It's better to let her figure it out. Handing her an easy out won't help her learn how to deal with more uncomfortable situations.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank
But, I'm not complaining....the is the most drama we've had around here in a long time and it's nothing compared to most 15 yr old girls.
She sounds like a great kid!
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank
Yes, other girls were invited, most declined...I think two were undecided so maybe one of them will still show...???
Perhaps she can encourage the other girls who were undecided to accept the invitation. Maybe they were uncomfortable not knowing if any girls were going.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank
She's going to have to figure it out today though. At this point she's leaning toward inviting him to go for birthday ice cream at Carvel, giving him the gift there and letting the guys do the movie and pizza. I'll let you all know how it shakes out.
If the ice cream is going to involve all of the boys prior to the movie, that might be a good alternative. That way she's not avoiding being with all of the boys, but limiting her exposure time. She might also decide that she's comfortable enough to join them for the rest of the event.
I disagree, she's still a child...it's hard for them to come out and be honest at times....
why not give her an out by using you as an excuse? ie: you won't let her go, or whatever the excuse may be. my kids always know they can use me as an excuse not to do something they aren't comfortable with.
I don't consider her a child and neither does she consider herself one. However, she is still learning her way around a bit and I am here to guide her, that is what I am trying to do. If she was a child I would make the decision for her and she wouldn't have to worry about it. A lot of things are hard for teens...they still have to face them.
I don't like the idea of being used as an excuse for something like this. It's not an emergency, it's not a dangerous situation, there is no urgency or something she can't handle on her own. I'm not the bad guy or her easy way out. I'm sure once she gets through the discomfort she will realize that it isn't really a big deal either way...and next time she will handle it better from the start. If I give her an easy out then she hasn't learned anything that will help her handle other uncomfortable situations.
She's only a child for three more years. Teens need to start learning how to handle issues like adults before they become adults.
How do you think these lies are going to translate when they become adults? When 18, they can't say "my mom won't let me do that" anymore.
Teenager shouldn't be taught avoidance techniques when they need to learn real life social skills.
Ah, all is well. DD talked to her friend and his female cousin is going as well so she won't be the only girl. Already she is feeling like it wasn't as big a deal as she thought...I'm sure by the time the event is over she will feel like it was even less of a deal. It just takes a while to get all of those gauges set properly....
Thanks to all for the advice and input. I do appreciate it.
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