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Old 07-15-2010, 09:27 PM
 
389 posts, read 445,281 times
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Default Grown daughter moving away

Feel like a big ole sap, but wonder how others have survived this transition and I know PLENTY have. I just have never had to do so.

Grown (married) daughter may be moving a few states away (about 10 hrs. by car, one way).

If it matters, her husband is trying to persue a job in another state, he has family there. He can't find a job anywhere here locally. Has been unemployed for mos. So, for those that might judge that I'm the heartbroken mother, they're right, I am. But that doesn't mean that I'm pining away and putting voice to my thoughts. My heart breaks, I will miss her (we are such good friends, and so family oriented, we do a LOT together, w/her living here locally, A LOT, all the time, like several times a week we're together). All she hears are words of encouragement from me, I do admit to her that she will be sorely missed and we will still one another, and we will, just not nearly as much as what either of us are used to.

This is terribly hard for her also. She has a good job, but her husband, not the case. And so she's obviously going to follow her husband, and strive to get a good job where he goes, as it should be. I'm not holding her back in anyway, in fact, encouaging her to go, as we would love to be able to visit her in the state where she may move to.

But how have others survived this hard hard hard transition. I think my heart is breaking, literally.
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Old 07-15-2010, 10:30 PM
 
Location: California
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My daughter recently moved a 6 hour car ride away, but had already been 3 hours away at college. We managed to have face time several times a year while she was in school and she already has plans to come visit at least 2 times this coming year and I know I need to go see her in her new place. We talk a lot online and on the phone so I still feel a connection. I know it's tough when you are used to having someone around, close by, to hang out with. I wish I could tell you that it's no big deal but we all know it is. You WILL grow accustomed to it though! And visits will be that much sweeter. And who knows? Someday you may live close again, life is funny that way.
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Old 07-15-2010, 10:40 PM
 
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I've never been in your position, but lived for years in states far away from my parents. For what it's worth, though, there's still the phone; I know it's very different than seeing someone in person, but unlimited long-distance phone plans (or cell phone options) are so cheap now that you can easily chat every day so that you both feel like you're up-to-date on the daily goings on in life. Intersperse that with visits and while it will be different, you'll still feel connected. Maybe it will help to plan right away a future visit; that way instead of saying "I'll come visit you sometime" you can say "I'll look forward to seeing you in three months." For me, anyway, having firm set dates helps mark time, and then I don't waste as much time wondering or worrying about when or if I'll be able to see someone.
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Old 07-16-2010, 01:20 AM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
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My mom felt the same way when my husband and I moved away. After my dad retired they moved here. My sister followed them. The other siblings stayed where they were, which is better for everyone, lol. Its nice, we spend alot of time at my parents house.
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Inthesierras View Post
My mom felt the same way when my husband and I moved away. After my dad retired they moved here. My sister followed them. The other siblings stayed where they were, which is better for everyone, lol. Its nice, we spend alot of time at my parents house.
That's how it is presently. They, she and her husband, spend a lot of time over here at our house, her parents. A lot. And she and I go see movies, go shopping. Heck, for that matter, sometimes she just jumps in the car w/me when I have errands to run, just so we can hang out together.

I would LOVE to have the opportunity to move to the area of the country where it looks like they may end up. Have always wanted to end up in that area. But our financial circumstances are not anywhere near allowing that, at this point.

I know that people do this, every day. I just haven't ever had to. She has an older sister that I'm close to and we see quite often. She has a younger sister (teen) that still lives at home, and of course not close to her, not yet, she's a teen, I'm a dinosaur in her eyes (as things are w/teens). I know it will be a huge adjustment and we'll all get through it, but is sure gonna be heartbreaking, for me. I will miss their constant presence, dropping in to visit, she and her husband. Her husband comes by quite often, even, without her.
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Old 07-16-2010, 06:47 AM
 
Location: Yellow Brick Road
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It can be a really difficult transition. Have done it both ways . . . moved 1000 miles away from my parents and now our kids live 1000 miles away from us (except our youngest, and he is probably going to have to move to land a job).

You are very wise to be honest with yourself about how badly this hurts. It does feel like your heart is breaking! Your daughter's presence in your life has helped shape your days! You look forward to those moments. Now, you know you won't be experiencing that on a daily basis.

What you are feeling has been felt by others for all time. And some adult children parents are closer to than others. These are unique relationships - not like other children can substitute for the experiences you have had w/ your daughter. But life has to go on b/c your responsibilities have not changed, even tho the people you interact with daily will change.

As others have said, telephones, email, photos and visits help! Don't beat yourself up for feeling depressed about the situation - you will overcome the sadness and get into a new routine - even if it takes a while. You can still share things with your daughter - just not in person every day. We learn to shift gears, enjoy the communication we can have . . .

Hang in there! Time is your friend in the sense of helping you create new routines and ways to cope with missing your daughter.
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Old 07-16-2010, 07:32 AM
 
Location: Maryland
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Hell, my mom felt the same. I live across town. When, I moved, she slipped into depression for several weeks.
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Old 07-16-2010, 08:20 AM
 
389 posts, read 445,281 times
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Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Hell, my mom felt the same. I live across town. When, I moved, she slipped into depression for several weeks.

LOL. That made me chuckle.

Makes me very proud that we have such a wonderful relationship. It's not always smooth sailing, we do have our bumps in the road, but we always manage to settle things out.

Also makes me kind of contemplate what it must be like for my parents, who do live locally, but I don't see all that much of them. (long since divorced, when I was a small kid.). Wondering, just kinda pondering, what it is that they did differently that they obviously don't, didn't, have these pangs of missing me. Oh sure they enjoy my company and I theirs, when we do visit one another, and we do enjoy one another. It's just that this is a little different. The closeness/bond that's there between me and my daughters is a lot stronger than that of my parents and myself. It's just interesting to ponder how that came about.

Maybe it's just, more than anything else, a generational type thing. Maybe their generation just wasn't "as close", ever, to their offspring, as our generation and those behind us have been. I dunno.

Obviously, I need a hobby. Too much time to think. LOL
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Old 07-16-2010, 08:37 AM
 
2,605 posts, read 2,561,292 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Childfree35 View Post
Hell, my mom felt the same. I live across town. When, I moved, she slipped into depression for several weeks.
That is not indicative of a healthy relationship. Being close is healthy, but being emotionally dependent is not.

OP, now would be a good time to spend some time with your teen.
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Old 07-16-2010, 03:08 PM
 
Location: BK All Day
4,143 posts, read 4,771,697 times
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When I moved from Ohio to New York City my mom's first reaction was "Well it looks like I have a reason to visit my favorite city more!"

She was never an emotional person and had no trouble letting me go.
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