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Old 07-18-2010, 11:14 AM
Location: Canada
283 posts, read 400,828 times
Reputation: 200


What is Psychological Resilience?

The answer is resilience. If you teach that to your children your kid will be able to over come anything that life throws at him.

A near death experience taught me resilience (I survived cancer/ I was diagnosed cured in 1999 - I was 9 years old).

I don't suggest you push your kid in front of the highway to see how they deal with survival.

I would like peoples opinion and experience on how to teach your kids resilience so they can grow onto responsible adults??

Anyone knows a way ? I was thinking maybe the military but I never went to military school.

A post by rockinmomma made me realize the importance of resilience.
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Old 07-18-2010, 11:59 AM
2,605 posts, read 3,936,194 times
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I disagree. I believe it's accountability.
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:13 PM
2,222 posts, read 9,137,109 times
Reputation: 3225
There is no one most important thing. It's a combination of teachings. Being resilient and accountable are both important. So is being self-reliant. I could go on and on.

One subject is not taught at school, nor at home. Having an open mind and exploring many things is a stepping stone to learning. Children are sponges. Let them soak up as much as possible. That is where parents can provide the essentials.
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:50 PM
5,065 posts, read 13,268,624 times
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I agree that it's a combination of things. At the top of the list though, I'd put self-esteem. It's something I always lacked and was never taught, and it has held me back in many ways.
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Old 07-18-2010, 12:54 PM
Location: In a house
13,258 posts, read 34,604,245 times
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I think the most important thing a child can learn from their parents is to not need their parents. This is not just one thing. It's a culmination of many things:

1. self-respect
2. accountability
3. responsibility
4. acceptance and embrasure of differences
5. desire to improve
6. motivation to improve

All of these things are needed to result in the one thing parents can best teach their kids, which is, to grow up not needing their parents when they become adults. Wanting to be with your parents - leaning on them during difficult times - sure, that's all well and good. But being incapable of living independently, (Barring Mental/Physical Illness), is a clear indication that the parents failed the kids somewhere along the line.

I've seen young adults who have no idea how to balance their checkbooks/bank accounts. They don't know how to compose a resume. They don't know anything about credit checks, they don't even know how to look for finding information about getting loans. Their parents did all of that for them and never bothered to teach them. And now, they have to actually know this stuff, and don't know the first thing about it. They get heavily into debt and think the answer to that is going bankrupt and moving back home with mom. They think that, because they don't know any better. And they don't know any better, because their mom didn't think independence was a lesson she needed to teach.
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:06 PM
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I believe psychological resilience is one of the most important attributes a person can possess. This is coming from a mother who has a child with anxiety disorders. I know what it's like to have a child who has limited psychological resilience.

I can't tell you how many times I've asked myself where I went wrong. The reality is that people are just wired differently. My son was a perfectly normal, carefree child until he reached 9th grade. Then developed anxiety disorders overnight.

I don't believe that you can teach a child psychological resilience. You can only teach them skills for coping better with their lack of resilience. A parent can't teach true psychological resillience any more than a parent can teach a shy child to become outgoing.

But a parent can prevent it from getting worse by not rescuing a child from uncomfortable experiences. And a parent can help a child learn to face difficult situations by teaching skills to cope better with not being psychologically resilient. They will never truly have the same attributes as a person who has natural psychological resillience.

I found this list of 10 ways to teach a child to be more resilient, and I don't agree with it.


While all are very worthy and important things for a parent to teach a child, I do not think they make a more resilient person.

Resilience is the ability to GET OVER traumatic events and to not let little things bother you.

My husband and I are very resilient people. Even though we can't even comprehend what it's like for our son who isn't resilient, we have sympathy and support him.
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:28 PM
Location: California
29,580 posts, read 31,900,225 times
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Someone asked me this question once and I had never thought about it before, but the first thing that came out of my mouth was "mom taught me to question everything". It must be true since I said it, and I do think it served me well.

But I like a lot of these other answers too.
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:30 PM
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
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From the OP's link:

Two-thirds of children in high risk families emerge as resilient
Some longitudinal studies, several of which follow individuals over the course of a lifespan, have consistently documented that between half and two-thirds of children growing up in families with mentally ill, alcoholic, abusive, or criminally involved parents or in poverty-stricken or war-torn communities do overcome the odds and turn a life trajectory of risk into one that manifests "resilience," the term used to describe a set of qualities that foster a process of successful adaptation and transformation despite risk and adversity.
(Bonnie, 1995)
I guess that's what we did wrong raising our son.

My husband and I aren't mentally ill. We're not alcoholics. We aren't abusive. We aren't criminals. We aren't poverty stricken. And we don't live in a war zone.

Maybe that's why my husband and I are both very resilient people.

My parents were alcoholics. I learned early on to not take things personally. I just let it roll off my back.

My husband's family was very impoverished in a rural farm setting.

If those types of hardships are what we're supposed to endure to gain resilience, I doubt we could replicate it in healthy parenting techniques.

Because the reality is that not everyone becomes resilient being raised in abusive and neglectful situation.

Some people live their entire lives upset about past traumas.

So I still believe that true resilience can't be taught. I believe people are pre-wired to overcome the odds or not.

Some people who are wired in a moderate way will become resilient when exposed to extreme circumstances. But there are others who will not become resilient at all.
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:33 PM
Location: southern california
55,237 posts, read 72,392,137 times
Reputation: 47449
progressive discipline. extensively used in military, police and employment.
the de facto 50 years ago in the home.
many today dont know what it is, most would consider its use unthinkable.
we did not like the way our grandparents did things so we did our own version, we have failed.
higest prison population on earth.
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Old 07-18-2010, 01:39 PM
43,012 posts, read 88,940,518 times
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Originally Posted by Huckleberry3911948 View Post
higest prison population on earth.
Our high prison population has nothing to do with having a larger population of failures.

It has to do with our ridiculously long prison sentences for non-violent crimes compared to sentences in other counties.
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