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Old 07-22-2010, 05:50 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,435 posts, read 934,255 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I agree with SOME of this.
If they are 18+ shouldn't they have the freedom to spend the night at a friends house or with a bf/gf if they so choose to do?

I am not expected home every night.
If I was, well, I'd be single for a very long time.

If they tell me they are staying over at a friend`s then fine but I don`t expect them to go out and stay overnight somewhere without telling me.
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Old 07-22-2010, 05:54 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,384 posts, read 2,859,555 times
Reputation: 2317
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
If they tell me they are staying over at a friend`s then fine but I don`t expect them to go out and stay overnight somewhere without telling me.
I tell my mom where I am.
Usually all it requires is a quick text or call if I am out. Hey, I am going to crash at so and so's. I carry my cell phone charger with me cause my battery sometimes dies faster some days more than others, its a wall/car charger so I can use it anywhere, so I never NEED to come home for anything.
If she told me no, I am not sure I would honestly listen. At 20 I feel I should be able to make that decision if I want to.
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:03 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,435 posts, read 934,255 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
I tell my mom where I am.
Usually all it requires is a quick text or call if I am out. Hey, I am going to crash at so and so's. I carry my cell phone charger with me cause my battery sometimes dies faster some days more than others, its a wall/car charger so I can use it anywhere, so I never NEED to come home for anything.
If she told me no, I am not sure I would honestly listen. At 20 I feel I should be able to make that decision if I want to.
You`re absolutley right. However, I allowed my mother to control me. I was living at home up until the age of 25 and my mom forbid me to go anywhere overnight with my own fiance.
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:06 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,384 posts, read 2,859,555 times
Reputation: 2317
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
You`re absolutley right. However, I allowed my mother to control me. I was living at home up until the age of 25 and my mom forbid me to go anywhere overnight with my own fiance.
Why?
I don't see how anyone would just LET themselves be controlled by another person, when they have the ability and right to say no.
That concept is just foreign to me and I don't get it.

I know someone would say respect but if someone doesn't respect me enough as an adult to make my own decisions on that then why should I respect them and follow a rule that doesn't respect me?
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:08 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,435 posts, read 934,255 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Why?
I don't see how anyone would just LET themselves be controlled by another person, when they have the ability and right to say no.
That concept is just foreign to me and I don't get it.

I know someone would say respect but if someone doesn't respect me enough as an adult to make my own decisions on that then why should I respect them and follow a rule that doesn't respect me?

She doesn`t believe in sleeping with someone before marriage, She feels that anyone who does is a s*** and she was worried about what people would say. I really don`t know why I let her control me like that
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Old 07-22-2010, 06:18 PM
 
Location: Unknown. Where am I? Am I lost?
5,384 posts, read 2,859,555 times
Reputation: 2317
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
She doesn`t believe in sleeping with someone before marriage, She feels that anyone who does is a s*** and she was worried about what people would say. I really don`t know why I let her control me like that
I wonder if she knew that someone doesn't have to stay the night with the opposite gender to have sex with them.

My first time wasn't when I stayed the night at a guys house and it wasn't at night either.
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:04 PM
 
852 posts, read 651,738 times
Reputation: 1026
Quote:
Originally Posted by txtqueen View Post
Why?
I don't see how anyone would just LET themselves be controlled by another person, when they have the ability and right to say no.
That concept is just foreign to me and I don't get it.

I know someone would say respect but if someone doesn't respect me enough as an adult to make my own decisions on that then why should I respect them and follow a rule that doesn't respect me?
Any child, even an adult one, who is living in the parental home is bound to the parents' rules. If the parents are paying for the house, they have the right to dictate the terms of the arrangement.

My parents expected me home by 1:00 a.m. every night, even after the age of 18, and I was out of the house by 18 and a half. I would never have dreamed of ignoring their rules and so blatantly disrespecting them in the house that they worked to pay for. I moved out. I didn't agree with the rule, but I understood why they felt so strongly about it, so I made the adult decision to find my own place. And honestly, if I hadn't respected my parents' rules, my father would have tossed my belongings onto the front lawn.
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:15 PM
 
Location: Peoples Republic of Cali
9,465 posts, read 4,429,008 times
Reputation: 5150
OK for me it went and goes like this: Going to school = Free Ride
Not going to school: Here's what my Dad did with me, and I did with my daughter:
1. Get a Job, any Job
2. Pay Rent, My Dad took half my pay, he said that's what the mortgage cost him ( half his pay) and fair is fair..I was more lenient to my daughter....
3. Keep room clean
4. Comunicate, if your not going to be home at the stated time, call, if you live here we will worrry if your not home.
5. Help with some chores...
Now I figured out real quick that half my pay would almost get an apartment, so I moved out as soon as I could. Now here's the cool thing, My Dad helps me move into an apartment, then before he leaves he hands me an envelope, inside is all the money I had payed him for rent, He said "Go Buy some Furniture"...
I did the same thing with my daughter, seems to work well....
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Old 07-22-2010, 08:56 PM
 
40,274 posts, read 43,086,481 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010 View Post
Should they pay expenses and which ones?
Only personal expenses like gas, cell phone, entertainment, etc. Not rent, utilities, food, etc.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010 View Post
Should they have a curfew?
Absolutely not. This is the main reason I moved out of my parents' house when I was 19. I graduated a year ahead of my class and took a year off before starting college. When I started college, they tried to tell me that I couldn't go out on school nights. Enough said. I moved out.

Interestingly, my children don't stay out late very often. When they do, it's no big deal. Sometimes they don't go out until 10pm. I would never put time restrictions on their entrance/exit from the house. I only expect them to do so without waking anyone. I've never had to say that. They have common sense to realize that they should be quiet if they come home in the middle of the night. Having younger children in the house wouldn't change my mind. I don't think it makes sense to provide a curfew simply because there are other children sleeping or whatever. I know parents like that. Their children often move out of the house as soon as they are old enough.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010 View Post
Should they let other family members know if they will be gone for an extended period of time?
Absolutely. Not only is it common courtesy, it's a matter of personal safety. If you disappear, someone needs to know these details for the police. And an adult child will quickly learn that this is something that adults tell other adults in their lives. We tell our spouses where we are going and how long we will be gone. I guarantee you that she's telling her boyfriend what she's doing and where she is going.

The DIFFERENCE is that children FEEL that their significant others are EQUALS. If their parents aren't treating them as equals, they don't want to share this information. I know this full well from how I felt when I moved in with my boyfriend. I realized that I was giving him information that I didn't want to give my parents when I lived with them. I quickly concluded it was because I viewed my boyfriend as an equal, that's why I didn't mind sharing that information. When I lived with my parents years later, I never minded telling them where I was going and how long I would be gone because I felt like their equal by then.

Even when my children were younger, I taught them this information was shared for safety. I told them adults do it too. I used my marriage as an example: your father and I always tell each other where we are going and what time we will be home. We don't ask each other for permission. We let each other know for personal safety and common courtesy. As a result, my children have no problem telling me their whereabouts and roughly when they plan to be home. They don't view it as asking permission because I taught them it's a safety measure and common courtesy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010 View Post
Any others?
So far, these are the rules I have for the young adults living in my household:

1) You can live here for free if you are going to school full time or working full time----or going to school part time and working part time.
2) I will pay for college, but you have to pay to retake a specific course if you fail it.
3) If you are not going to school, you must work full time.
4) You must let me know where you are and when you will be home. I provide the same information about my whereabouts.
5) Clean up after yourself in the main living areas of the house. Do your own laundry. Your room is your own room, just keep the door closed if it's messy.
6) Pay for your own personal expenses.
7) Be respectful to other household members.

That's about it.

Keep in mind, these are rules for being permitted to live in my house. They are free to move if they don't like the rules.

I didn't create my rules to keep my children at home with me. I will still pay for college if they move out.

Last edited by Hopes; 07-22-2010 at 09:05 PM..
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Old 07-22-2010, 09:00 PM
 
40,274 posts, read 43,086,481 times
Reputation: 25283
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cali BassMan View Post
Now here's the cool thing, My Dad helps me move into an apartment, then before he leaves he hands me an envelope, inside is all the money I had payed him for rent, He said "Go Buy some Furniture"...
I did the same thing with my daughter, seems to work well....
I won't be charging my children rent, but I love when parents who do charge rent give the money back to their children when they move out.
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