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What are reasonable rules for an 18 year old, or any young adult living in their parents home, with younger siblings?
Should they pay expenses and which ones?
Should they have a curfew?
Should they let other family members know if they will be gone for
an extended period of time?
Any others?
Please share your personal experiences and input. I am trying to wade thru this, have never done it before and having a very difficult time.
Is the 18-year-old a full time student? If so, I wouldn't charge for expenses. If not, then she should pay at least some expenses. If she isn't going to school at all, I'd charge rent but maybe not food or utilities. By 20 I'd be asking for the full cost of room and board, plus a little extra to hold onto and give back to her when she moves out (to help with expenses).
I wouldn't make a curfew itself an issue unless coming in late disturbs family members, but she should live by your standards as long as she's in your house.
To a young adult, it may feel like a violation of independence, but it is common courtesy to let the people you live with know if you are not coming home.
Edit: I just read part of your other thread, and I see that the situation is pretty complicated. If she wants to live with you, I'd make these the guidelines. Otherwise, I'd tell her she has to live elsewhere.
What are reasonable rules for an 18 year old, or any young adult living in their parents home, with younger siblings?
Should they pay expenses and which ones?
I think that an adult child who is a full time student should not pay for food/heat, etc.... However, if they are not a full time student I think they should pay rent and contribute towards food.
I think they should pay for their own books and entertainment expenses as well as gas for the car that they use. A young adult should also be able to pay for their phone bill and clothing (although gifts of clothing from Mom/Dad were always appreciated when I was a young woman). They should be able to get a part time job to cover their own expenses.
I also think that young adult should be doing their own laundry OR helping with the family laundry.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010
Should they have a curfew?
I don't think an adult should have a curfew, but as a matter of courtesy/safety she should let someone know where she is going, and approximately when she expects to be home. She should also be quiet if she is coming in late at night.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010
Should they let other family members know if they will be gone for
an extended period of time?
Yes of course. Courtesy is one of the things that marks someone as an adult. She should be courteous of you, other family members and let you know where she is going and when she expects to be home. If her plans change she should let you know. You are still her mother and although she should not have to ask your permission to go places, she should be respectful and courteous to you.
You may want to limit overnight guests. That is your call.
We have an 18 yr old and a 19 yr old. Both are full-time college students, with summer jobs. The only expenses we do not cover are gas, (although we have on rare occasion provided a tank when they've run low on funds), and entertainment. We do expect them to be saving over the summer so they won't be calling home constantly during the school year asking for money.
We also have a 24 yr old grad student living at home. He is paying for grad school out of his earnings, so we are still covering the bulk of his other expenses.
We would like each of them to graduated college without any debt, which I think is a wonderful gift. Once they finish schooling we will re-examine what we pay for if they should return home.
No strict curfews here, but we do ask for a "courtesy call" if they will be very late, or if they want to stay out.
I agree with the posters who say that as long as the 18 y.o is a full-time college student, he/she shouldn't pay rent. I would add a minimum GPA requirement to that. As a college instructor, I see that my students whose parents have clear and firm expectations are the students who perform the best.
I also agree that even a student should have a part-time job to cover personal expenses including phone, car expenses, clothing, and entertainment.
No overnight boyfriends or girlfriends!
I don't think a curfew is necessary, but, yes, courtesy.
I would also add that he/she should be responsible for helping maintain the home.
What are reasonable rules for an 18 year old, or any young adult living in their parents home, with younger siblings?
Should they pay expenses and which ones?
Should they have a curfew?
Should they let other family members know if they will be gone for
an extended period of time?
Any others?
Please share your personal experiences and input. I am trying to wade thru this, have never done it before and having a very difficult time.
Thanks!!
If they are a student then I wouldn't charge them rent or food but I would expect:
#1 A grade report at the end of the semester.
#2 Bedroom to be kept up. No dirty dishes or laundry left in it.
#3 If I have to be up to let them in I expect them to be home before 10 on nights I have to work. If you trust them to have a key and free access then I would say midnight on week nights and LET ME KNOW on weekends. If they say 2, I expect them to be home at 2 or call me ahead of time and let me know. If they choose to stay out for the weekend please let me know ahead of time, where and when you will be (approximately) so I won't worry quite so much.
#4 Them to have a job to cover other expenses such as cell phone. If you are on my plan you will pay me what I pay for your phone. That also means if you run up a $150 bill for texting a million times per day you pay for it, I don't.
#5 I don't provide free use of a car. Take the bus or figure out how to ride a bike. If I win the lotto tomorrow you might get my car, don't hold your breath.
I'm a 19 year old home from college for the summer, and this is what my mom expects of me-
-Clean up after myself, maintain my room/bathroom and do all my laundry.
-I don't have a curfew so I can stay out late/not come home if I choose to. She checks up on me through text, though. And I always let her know the gist of what I'm doing.
-She still pays for my phone, food, and of course my housing. Since I'm out with friends a lot I usually take care of my own food, and most transportation. She'll let me use her car when she doesn't need it, though.
What are reasonable rules for an 18 year old, or any young adult living in their parents home, with younger siblings?
I am not a parent but I am 20 and my mom and I have been going though this type of stuff since I was 18.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010
Should they pay expenses and which ones?
Yes. Cell phone, anything to do with their car like gas, insurance, etc. Do I think they should have it under their own name? No, I think it should be whatever is cheapest so if paying mom and dad saves them money then that's what they should do. Fun stuff, going to the movies, clothes shopping, going out to eat with friends.
They should contribute around the house by keeping their area clean and neat. They should help grocery shop. Do the dishes a few times a week.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010
Should they have a curfew?
No. They should either come in quietly when they do or if they are going to be out doing something till 1-2am then they should find somewhere else to crash.
This is why I asked you in your other thread, is your basement a walk-out basement? Does she have a door down there she could in and out of? If so, I don't think she should have a curfew at all because in doing that she won't be waking people up.
Now, if it is not a walk out basement I think the come in quietly rule should apply. Come in through the front door, don't wake anyone up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010
Should they let other family members know if they will be gone for an extended period of time?
Just mom and dad and all she should have to say is I'll be gone from this time to this time and going to be with so and so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Georgette52010
Any others?
Please share your personal experiences and input. I am trying to wade thru this, have never done it before and having a very difficult time.
Thanks!!
Like I said ive been through this before.
When I first came here and was posting I was 18/19 and my mom really trying to crack down after I turned 18.
She gave me a:
-Curfew: Home by 1am I think.
-A BEDTIME and a wake time. I had to be in bed, lights out going to sleep, couldn't be laying in bed on my laptop. She'd have my brother come in and wake me up at 8-10am everyday.
-She was shutting the internet off on me after a certain time of night.
-She read my text messages when I left my phone in the bathroom once.
-I once asked if I could go over to my friends house to sit in her hot tub, my mom asked me if I was going to have sex with boys.
-When I went out she grilled me on what I was doing. If I wanted to crash at a friends house she would flip out.
Things didn't stay like that long.
My rules are and have been for the past year or so are:
-No curfew. I have to come in quietly or not at all. If I don't feel like I can be quiet coming in I need to stay with a friend, if its like 2am or later. My basement isn't walk out but I can go through the basement and get in quiet as ever so that's what I do instead.
-I have to pay for my cell phone, my car insurance, gas money and any extra expenses I want/need. Currently, since I JUST started at work I am just starting to pay these things and the cell phone is the first one I am taking over paying. Tomorrow I am going in to get my check, taking it to the bank, calling up t-mobile and having my stuff set up and my phone sent out.
-My mom doesn't care how I keep my room, just no wet towels on the floor and if I take any dishes up there I need to take them out when I am done with them. I need to keep my bathroom clean, clean it once a week. I am expected to help out with grocery shopping, dishes, helping to take the trash out. Drive my brother places.
-I just have to inform my mom of my plans, there's no asking. If I want to leave at 2am and be picked up by a friend to go do whatever, if she is awake I tell her if she is asleep I leave her a text message. A simple hey mom I am going out with friends be back later suffices. I haven't heard no you can't go do that in a long time.
What are reasonable rules for an 18 year old, or any young adult living in their parents home, with younger siblings?
Should they pay expenses and which ones? No they shouldn`t. However I would let them pay their own cell phone bill mainly to teach them how to be responsible with money.
Should they have a curfew? Not really a curfew but I would expect them to be in their own bed every night.
Should they let other family members know if they will be gone for
an extended period of time? Of course.
Any others?
Please share your personal experiences and input. I am trying to wade thru this, have never done it before and having a very difficult time.
Thanks!!
No personal experiences to share. My kids are all young.
No personal experiences to share. My kids are all young.
I agree with SOME of this.
If they are 18+ shouldn't they have the freedom to spend the night at a friends house or with a bf/gf if they so choose to do?
I am not expected home every night.
If I was, well, I'd be single for a very long time.
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