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I'm a 19 year old who wants to visit his hometown this summer, which is about a four hour drive from where i live. My mother wont let me drive down there by myself. I have younger friends who are going to places like el salvador and hawaii by themselves on planes for a week and whose parents are paying and letting them and these folks ain't ones i trust fully a week by themselves. My plan is to drive down in the car i'm paying the payment and insurance on and pay my own way shopping, gas, all that, (i work 25 hrs a week and go to school). Also, i would stay with someone responsible like a well-known friend, one of my mother's good friends, or family. I'm also just not the party type, my plans are to hang out with my old friends, go to my old church, and go to the big malls, not get wasted (i don't party period where i live). I consider myself very responsible when compared to the average 19 yr old. If you were my parent knowing all this would you let me go? If you would how could i convince my mother?
You are 19 so you are a Legal Adult, so your mother really can't control where you go. Can she?
Listen, when I was a senior in high school, I worked full time, and paid my own car payment, gas, etc... Plus never stayed in town on weekends. Drove 4 hours to Minneapolis with friends any chance I got to go shopping or concerts or whatever. If you're old enough to have common sense, you should just do it.
If you haven't made a habit of making bad decisions, then she should trust you.
I have to commend you on how you have presented yourself on here, very mature acting.
I am the mom of an 18 1/2 year old boy and also remember being 19 myself, not that long ago (ok, yes, it was 22 years ago but puhlease, let me still feel young).
I agree with what some of the others have written but I am going to add my 2 cents. And, I have two things to consider. First, if your Mom remembers being 19 then maybe she is afraid that you will find yourself in situations similar to what she might have. She just wants the best for you; but we all have to make our own way. Parents can't pave the way for us forever. Secondly, and I am hedging here since I don't know your Mom, but I am guessing that she might be feeling insecure. Has her main focus for 20 years been you? Losing control on you might be, in a way, losing her identity. And really, the trip has nothing to do with you; but everything to do with her.
My advice, sit with her calmly, tell her that you want to go and why and what you will do to be careful. Then, (if she is like me), reassure her that you love her and that her blessings are important to you. She still needs to feel needed and wanted. Say whatever is appropriate for your Mom. Seek her input on the trip, even if you don't need it. I know that this is a bit silly, but depending on your Mom, this may be what she needs and you will need to keep the peace.
I gotta tell you, I find myself longing every now and then for the days when I was a young Mom and my children were all about at my knees. It has nothing to do with not appreciating the men my children have become, it is about facing my own mortality, etc. It isn't about not trusting my children, it is just longing for that unconditional love and hugs and kisses from my kids.
This may be hard for you to understand, and I may be off from where your Mom is, but letting go also feels like we are not being a good Mom in a way. Weird I know. I did some crazy, stupid stuff when I was 19 and I remember too much! LOL To this day, I would think nothing about myself hopping in a car and traveling across country but it would terrify me for my young adult so to do this. Duh!?!?
As for me and my kids, I have let him go already on trips like you are wanting to do. Daily phone calls helped me, just please keep that in mind.
There are no easy answers. Just keep talking and showing your love and when you win a victory be responsible and let her win every once in a while.
Let us know how it turns out. I probably have rambled a bit, but I hope this has made some sense.
Would she allow you to drive four hours away if you were going off to college? Ask her about that. If she says college would be OK, then she's worried about those old friends that you are going to see. If she won't think about you driving off to college either, then I think you have big trouble coming because she doesn't want to let go, and it's time. In that case, I think you need to really talk to her about the fact that you are considered an adult.
By the time I was 19, I already had two years in college and gotten married.
I read through this whole thread, and my final reaction is similar to my first: yes, you should be allowed to go, assuming there is nothing you are not telling us about your driving record, your past behavior with the friends you are going to see, etc.
Four hours is hardly a drive at all! I agree with those who say you should sit down with your mom and ask what she is concerned about. Maybe she had a friend who was killed in an accident at about your age, or something else concerning about this situation. On the face of it, I see no concerns.
My DH and I let our 19 yr old (she was almost 20 at the time) drive home from college in Minnesota to Colorado one Christmas simply because there was no other way for her to get her car here, which she was going to need once she got here. She did stop halfway at her grandparents' home and spent the night, and she had a friend with her for the first part of the trip.
Point being, others have let their kids do this safely. If she won't let you drive to your friends', maybe you could take a Greyhound bus. Maybe she could drive you half way and someone could meet you and take you the rest of the way, and vice versa coming home.
BTW, I do not agree with the comments about your being a legal adult, and therefore you can do as you wish. Yes, that is true as far as it goes, but it sounds like she is providing you a home, so you have to do what you can to make things run smoothly. Good Luck!
My cousin's parents let her drive from South Dakota to California to live. She is responsible and has common sense not to pick up strangers or walk alone at night etc.. She did end up driving back because she didn't like it, but the point is they let her do it because she's an adult capable of making adult decisions.
My cousin's parents let her drive from South Dakota to California to live. She is responsible and has common sense not to pick up strangers or walk alone at night etc.. She did end up driving back because she didn't like it, but the point is they let her do it because she's an adult capable of making adult decisions.
Exactly my point of view
I have read pp posts, and yes, it should be talked over with the mom.
But, IF she has objections and won't let him/ her go, is it really worth fighting about???
Since she can't really stop him/ her anyway, legally?
I am a parent myself, but, sometimes we need to back off a bit, stop babying them, and let them spread their wings.
A sense of caring is one thing...throwing the "you are in my house and under my roof" overbearing action around, is absolutely unexceptable in my book.
The young girl/ guy is 19 for crying out loud!!!!
A sense of caring is one thing...throwing the "you are in my house and under my roof" overbearing action around, is absolutely unexceptable in my book.
The young girl/ guy is 19 for crying out loud!!!!
Exactly, and one thing is that even though I was still in high school and living in my parents house of course, I didn't really ASK to do things. I would just tell her I was working or that I was going somewhere and she's just say ok. She did ask me WHEN I would be home and WHERE I was going but she knew I was sensible.
There is a difference in driving off to a big city and driving to your hometown where you know lots of people that can help, if say your car broke down or something.
My youngest son lived 4.5 hours away, in Wilmington, NC right out of high school at 17.10 years old. On his way back to UNCW, he had to call when he was through the terror known as I-40 East through Raleigh, NC to let me know he was OK. For what it's worth, maybe calling her frequently would help.....
Sorry....I'm still confused as to why you need permission to do this when you are 19yrs old.
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