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It irks me, too, when people who have never been parents themselves try to offer parenting advice.
Working with children or being responsible for your siblings or so forth is not like parenting your own children. I was the oldest of a brood of kids with an alcoholic mother and deadbeat father who was only ever very rarely around, so I took on responsibilities involving my younger siblings that fell to me because my parents weren't capable. I also worked with kids before I myself married and we had our children. Having and raising your own children is very different. There's more emotional investment. The decisions are bigger because they are more important and personal for you. Choices feel more heavy. And you live with it 24/7 from the moment you become pregnant and it never stops after that. It's just different, and I don't know that I can explain it, really. It's just something that I know other parents understand, too. Something you have to live to understand.
It also irks me when people who have never been married give advice on how to deal with issues that married people face - like what to do when your wife doesn't keep the house clean enough to satisfy your expectations. If you've never been married, and in this case married with kids, you honestly have no idea.
I just don't understand why people try to give advice concerning something they've never themselves experienced, and in some cases are choosing NOT to experience. So you're choosing not to have children, which is fine. I'm all for people choosing not to have children. We have a population problem on this planet, after all. Yet, these child-free people will reply to threads in a parenting forum? It's just odd.
OK... off my rantbox now. Sorry, just had to vent a little there.
OK... so now come the part where I try to convince y'all that I'm not a total bastard ...
Yes I'm whining about my wife on an anonymous web forum. Maybe it wasn't the best idea, especially considering this has turned into a twenty-something page poop throw, but I honestly do feel my wife is..well...lazy when it comes to housecleaning and sleeping in... and if i'm gonna vent, an anonymous web forum seems like the best place to do it.
Do I believe I'm superior to my wife? No. I'm more educated, I keep the bank account stoked with cash and I have a bigger penis , but that's about it. My wife had the opportunity but didn't want to go to college, doesn't want to get a job outside the home while the kids are young and is not the personality type to try to be the "man" of the house either. We are not engaged in a "power struggle" or anything close to it.
On the other hand, My wife is very loving and dedicated to our children, has fought tirelessly to get special services for our son in school, is THE social connection for our household to the rest of the neighborhood and dozens of other great things that I could never be nor do, and shes isn't doing absolutely nothing around the house either.
I just wish she was doing more around the house, because it's draining me to work two jobs AND clean the house all the time. Perhaps I do need to just buck up and work a little harder...
I want the marriage to work, and am not willing to get a divorce over cleaning habits. I wish things would change... maybe they won't and I don't honestly expect this thread to fix anything. I just wanted some different perspectives on the issue. So let's all be friends here...
Have you considered that you might be living beyond your means?
My first instinct is to say she's lazy. On the other hand could she be depressed?
Your first two kids got to school all day so I really think she has the time to clean the house. The only child home would be the 3 year old. She probably won't be able to get it spotless with a 3 year old but it shoudn't look like a disaster. Its not fair that you have to work and then clean the house by yourself on the weekend.
I think you'd get better responses in the parenting forum.
Good luck
Yeah depressed is what I am thinking may be a possibility.
There is enough time, and it does get frustrating to have to keep cleaning up the same damn mess every day, but a person who is mentally OK can handle the frustration and keep doing it (maybe not with a suzy homemaker attitude of "how wonderful this all is" but will get it done). A depressed person will get fairly demoralized and start thinking "why bother. It just gets undone. Nothing I do is ever good enough....." and so on.
First - whatever the reason - the 8 and 10 yr old certainly can have chores. They can be expected to keep their rooms clean. They can bring their laundry to the washer when it is time. They can take a wipe and clean the bathroom counters and wipe down the tub. They can set the table, load the dishwasher, and unload the dishwasher. There are lots of things they can do to help. Its actually the job of the parents to help their children learn to be independent so this is not her foisting work off on the kids; this is her teaching them how to take care of themselves.
The 3 yr old can start helping by picking up after him/herself. - of course this is not going to be perfect.
I think you should stop cleaning on the weekends. If she actually feels bad about the mess but feels overwhelmed by it, it could make her feel more helpless if you do all of the work and you could be compounding her lack of doing anything. I know when I get busy and the house gets messy and I know it needs to be cleaned, I prefer if my husband offers to help and asks what I need him to do instead of just doing something.
If she is just too lazy then you cleaning on the weekends is never going to get her to clean. Your house is clean for a day or two but you are going to keep cleaning it every week. Its like if you keep cleaning your kids' rooms for them - they are never going to start cleaning up after themselves unless they have that kind of personality.
Do you have too much stuff? We recently put our house on the market and boxed up a lot of stuff, esp in the kids' rooms, and while I still spent 2-3 hours a day cleaning (so it was perfect in case we got a showing), it was so much easier to keep the house clean. Before, there was just too much stuff to work around. You might want to downsize your clutter if you have clutter. We lived in 1750 sq ft, 6 people, and it was so freeing to box up so much stuff and be able to get the house clean, really clean, each day.
I don't see why not. Some parents send their disrepectful misbehaving kids to school for the teachers to deal with.
Give him/her permission to put their foot in the brats azz, then we have a solution.
I never understood my sister's parenting and kids til I had them. I'm telling you that unless you raise your own kids or raise other people's kids in a parental type manner you cannot understand it.
I never understood my sister's parenting and kids til I had them. I'm telling you that unless you raise your own kids or raise other people's kids in a parental type manner you cannot understand it.
And that's not a dig.
Miss Magritte I have. No, I haven't squeezed a kid out my womb. I know what it's like to live with brats. To parent and raise kids.
You couldn't know the difference unless you've done it
I have put my foot in a brat's azz.
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Yet, these child-free people will reply to threads in a parenting forum? It's just odd.
...
, but that's about it. My wife had the opportunity but didn't want to go to college, doesn't want to get a job outside the home while the kids are young and is not the personality type to try to be the "man" of the house either. We are not engaged in a "power struggle" or anything close to it. 
