U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 1.5 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Jump to a detailed profile or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Business Search - 14 Million verified businesses
Search for:  near: 
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Sinking in the Great Salt Lake
11,336 posts, read 10,185,528 times
Reputation: 10473

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by misplaced1 View Post
Why in the world would you stay and have three kids if the problems have been since day 1?
because I didn't (and still don't) belive it's a problem worthy of a divorce.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:09 AM
 
Location: Summerville, SC
1,149 posts, read 2,769,282 times
Reputation: 1081
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
But like someone earlier in the thread brought up gender reversal.

Why does depression always excuse only women who want to do nothing but lay around?

A man who contributes nothing and lets the wife do everything and makes her earn him a living is not going to be excused for his depression. Dead beat fathers aren't given a pass because they might ditch their responsibilities because they're a little depressed.

But if it is depression that has this woman laying around, waking up at noon and watching soap operas all day, then what's the solution for the husband? Is this all life is supposed to offer him?

Yes I realize he made a mistake in who he married - but he's asking what to do now.

I think the wife needs a wake up call. He needs to stop taking the abuse and tell her he wants a partner and if she doesn't want to get off her rear end he's doing something about it -and he has to mean it.
I think what the OP needs to decide is... does he actually want to help his wife, or just fix the situation. Fixing the situation may very well just be laying down the law, divorce, whatever. Helping his wife might take longer, and obviously she would have to want to help herself, but being there for support while likely keeping the status quo if not worse at their home while she gets treated (determining if she is depressed is just the start) is a totally different thing. He would be treating the underlying problem, instead of getting a (possible) quick and dirty fix.

I've been with my husband for ten years, and we've had some times when one or both of us were depressed. Neither of us sought out formal treatment, but were able to support each other to get through hard times. It's because we truly love each other. Our house might have been an indication of our mental state at times - but that wasn't the real problem. Once we felt better, the house looked better.

Last edited by StarryEyedSurprise; 07-28-2010 at 09:10 AM.. Reason: spelling
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:14 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 3,093,560 times
Reputation: 1828
And my follow up question to my last, Chango, is do you have weekends off?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:15 AM
 
Location: NW. MO.
1,817 posts, read 3,812,964 times
Reputation: 1292
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chango View Post
because I didn't (and still don't) belive it's a problem worthy of a divorce.
Then why in the world are you on an internet forum complaining about your wife? You accepted her as she was, did you not?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:16 AM
 
Location: Sinking in the Great Salt Lake
11,336 posts, read 10,185,528 times
Reputation: 10473
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandamonium View Post
And my follow up question to my last, Chango, is do you have weekends off?
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. More often than not I have Sundays off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:18 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 3,093,560 times
Reputation: 1828
But, you generally have about two days off a week? Do you have a job that allows a vacation?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Say-Town! Texas
968 posts, read 1,216,548 times
Reputation: 543
she needs to get a job so she stays out of the house, and therefore the house stays clean.

she's acting like a child, so treat her like a child, take the tv away.

laziness is depressing and overwhelming, but if she stops being lazy, she'll feel better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:29 AM
 
3,566 posts, read 3,093,560 times
Reputation: 1828
And if your job allows a vacation, is it a paid vacation?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:33 AM
 
47,585 posts, read 36,076,687 times
Reputation: 21594
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chango View Post
because I didn't (and still don't) belive it's a problem worthy of a divorce.
Then you should read #82.

How your life goes is up to you. You can decide what matters more. You can't change other people if they don't want to change and fighting over things isn't working so won't work.

You aren't trapped - you could probably get custody if you chose divorce but that of course brings on other problems and you might end up marrying another lazy woman and be no further ahead.

You might just have to accept that your wife doesn't ever intend to pull her own weight and you will just have to go on doing almost everything but if you decide that route, try to find happiness in it. That's how to make it work.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 07-28-2010, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Sinking in the Great Salt Lake
11,336 posts, read 10,185,528 times
Reputation: 10473
Quote:
Originally Posted by misplaced1 View Post
Then why in the world are you on an internet forum complaining about your wife? You accepted her as she was, did you not?
Well, I was hoping for ideas, not to just complain.

Anyways... It looks like I opened a can of worms here. There is no way I'm gonna be able to answer all the questions. But here's an attempt:

Yes, depression is a factor. We've both got it and she has been on medication for several years. (I'm not). We got married very young (she 18, me 20) and she was smoking hot back then, but not so much now. Still, it doesn't matter so much to me what she looks like. We all get older and uglier as time goes on, so it is shallow and stupid to dwell on stuff like that in my opinion.

She is not a total looser. She does some cleaning on her own, will usually clean if I'm also cleaning and she loves and cares for the kids a lot. I am sure she would jump into a cage of hungry tigers to save any one of them and would be sucessful at it.

I really do love her, but her hatred of cleaning is hurting our relationship. It makes me bitter to work all day and then come home and clean all evening because she doesn't want to. Then she wants to cuddle at night and I just don't want to because I'm bitter that I had to come home to a big mess and clean it.

We do our best to get the kids to help but it's hit and miss, of course. Also, our 10 year old is partially blind and has a complete set of his own emotional issues that I could whine about for days on the parenting forum.

Anyway, I'm still here.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $89,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2014, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25 - Top