Help!!! My wife is lazy... (day care, ideas, meal, baby)
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Yeah... she is lazy... taking care of a kid can be time consuming but not to the point of not doing anything else the whole day... people sure like to make excuses... there is nothing (I know you don't want to hear that) that will make her change... you can't change laziness... even after the kid is off to school, don't you expect things to be any different... people are set in the way they are if you let them start that behavior, they are going to stay like that forever... I am not going to let my wife just sit around and do nothing all day and I know she prefers it... I quit my job first and make her work while I take care of the kid before that ever happens...
Before I answer this, I would like to assume that you don't drop your wet towels on the floor, put your dishes in the kitchen sink when the dishwasher is right there, leave your whiskers and toothpaste spit in the bathroom sink after you get ready for work in the morning, dump the contents of your pockets (chewing gum wrappers, 7-Eleven receipts, etc.) on the dining-room table and forget about them, leave the dishes from the snacks you eat while you are on the computer on the desk in your den, dig through your closets looking for something and then leave the detritus out instead of putting it back where it belongs, leave your pee spatter on the toilet rim, and so on.
In other words, you're cleaning up your own individual messes as you make them, and not just leaving them there for her, right?
Ok... I don't normally come here but I need some imput.
First off, my situation: I work 2 jobs (1 full-time and the other as I please/need for the family business). My wife is a stay at home mom; we have three kids (ages 10, 8 and 3) and live in a smaller home (about 2000 sq ft.)
The problem is she just cannot keep the house clean. It slowly becomes a wreck as the week progresses and by the time Saturday rolls around it's a disaster. I spend about 4-5 hours cleaning it from top to bottom EVERY Saturday. My wife makes dinner maybe 1/2 of the week and I have to do pretty much all of my own laundry if I want clean clothes.
We've had repeated fights over the issue... she says there is not enough time to do all that mom's have to do and that I should help more. The kids tell me she sleeps in late every morning and watches TV all the time. During school time the kids have really lousy tardy records too.
I feel like I'm getting a raw deal here... How do you get somebody to pull their weight? Am I the problem? Is it really impossible for a homemaker to keep a little house in order?
No, you are not the problem. I put my husband through something similar. I too felt overwhelmed because people were giving all sorts of advise about what kind of mother I should be, what kind of behavior my kids should have and I couldn't do what other people wanted me to do and still be happy. I finally found the answer and I would share it with you if you would ask your wife why she can't meet the basic needs. (clean house, clean clothes and food). Ask her what she believes she needs in order for the basic needs to be met.
ETA: No, you are not the problem depending on how you answer Avienne's post
First...don't involve your kids in this. This is between you two adults and you should not start having your kids rat on their mother.
Second, if your wife is sleeping a lot, she may be depressed. Maybe you both need to try marriage counseling and if she is depressed the counselor should be able to spot it and help.
Third, I personally hate housework and am not good at it. So over the years, we've worked out a flexible system. I do all the grocery shopping and cook most nights. I'd say 5 out of 7. I pay the bills, make the appointments, do the taxes and about half the laundry. My husband does all the dishes, every night and most of the housework.
But, if somethings really a mess or bugs one of us more than the other, the person who is having the problem, takes care of it.
Before I answer this, I would like to assume that you don't drop your wet towels on the floor, put your dishes in the kitchen sink when the dishwasher is right there, leave your whiskers and toothpaste spit in the bathroom sink after you get ready for work in the morning, dump the contents of your pockets (chewing gum wrappers, 7-Eleven receipts, etc.) on the dining-room table and forget about them, leave the dishes from the snacks you eat while you are on the computer on the desk in your den, dig through your closets looking for something and then leave the detritus out instead of putting it back where it belongs, leave your pee spatter on the toilet rim, and so on.
In other words, you're cleaning up your own individual messes as you make them, and not just leaving them there for her, right?
Just checking.
well... of course I don't walk spotlessly through life, but I also clean up after myself and everyone else regularly. But I'm sure the mess mostly isn't mine. Besides, It feels like I'm never home, with all the work I'm doing!
I'm not against cleaning or helping out all together, I just don't want to spend 1/2 of my Saturday cleaning up after the mess from the entire week. Plus, I'm bringing home the bacon in a rather ugly, stressful government job (related to criminal justice) and she gets to stay home... Doesn't that count for something?
No, I'm all for constructive criticism...fire away.
But no, we don't have money to spare for a maid and yes, she came from a family of lousy houskeepers while I had an honest to god "Supermom" who did everything perfect (well, almost anyway). We've also been married for almost 13 years, so we're not new to each other either, and the problem has been ongoing since day 1 of the marriage.
Why in the world would you stay and have three kids if the problems have been since day 1?
We've thought about getting her a job, but theproblem has always been that she has no experience or college, so can't do much better than minimum wage, which would essentially pay the daycare and nothing more. But if she worked a Sunday or something that might work...
Wanting her to work and cover daycare costs with no skills or education is unreasonable. You can't cover these costs until shes able to gain some employment above minimum wage? She may not be lazy, but depressed.
Department of Labor in most areas offer free training, for ppl unemployed or someone wanting to re-enter the job market and really worth looking into.
The problem is she just cannot keep the house clean. It slowly becomes a wreck as the week progresses and by the time Saturday rolls around it's a disaster. I spend about 4-5 hours cleaning it from top to bottom EVERY Saturday. My wife makes dinner maybe 1/2 of the week and I have to do pretty much all of my own laundry if I want clean clothes.
We've had repeated fights over the issue... she says there is not enough time to do all that mom's have to do and that I should help more. The kids tell me she sleeps in late every morning and watches TV all the time. During school time the kids have really lousy tardy records too.
Dude, it sounds like you married a dope feen.
Why did you marry this woman? Were you trying to save her?
Here's the funny part, if this was a woman telling this story, you ladies would eat her alive.
Kick him to the curb
Move on
Lose that loser
Some of you say, it's depression or any excuse. She a freakin lazy bum.
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