Not sure how to deal with this situation (child care, legal, punishment)

[Whatodo?]

I have this one child whom I provide childcare for. I will call her "Tina". Her last provider was unable to handle her. I decided I would take her on. Well Today was the 3rd time she has acted out. She is getting worse. Her last provider told me she thinks the girl has autisum.

She is 6 years old. Today her and another child I care for was running for the same swing. I told the girl she had 5 minutes then it was Tina's turn. Well Tina decided she wasn't happy with that and tried to run off. I called her back and she ran up behind my daughter who is 12 and jumped and kicked her in the back. I then told Tina that she was to go for a time out. Well she screamed and dropped to the ground and through a temper tantrum.

Screaming so loud that I was not about to let the neighbours hear this. So I went over to Tina and calmly told her lets go it is a time out for you. She then kicked me. Now this girl is a big girl so I needed some help to remove her from the backyard as I tried and she through a fit kicking me and punching me. So my daughter 12 had to hold her feet while I held her arms to get her into the house.

Once she was in the house she through things around and pulled my curtains off my livingroom window.

I told her that if she didn't stop she wouldn't be allowed back here. She then yelled at the top of her lungs in my face. YES!

Once Tina calmed down I told her that her time out will now start.

Once her time out was over I talked with her about what happened and told her I was going to tell her mom/Grandma Whoever was to pick her up about what happened today. I also told her that if this behavior was to happen again that she will not be allowed back here as we don't hit here and there is time out for that.

Now I feel like I am doing something wrong because I feel that there must have been something else I could have done other than having to bodley remove her into the house. Maybe a suggestion on how else was I to get her to move?

I am asking for suggestions and does this sound like autism, as the her other child care provider thinks it is? If so how do I deal with these tantrums?

[hothulamaui]

she could just be very badly behaved. I don't know that much about autism but the child I knew that had it did repeating things over and over and had distinct movements. I would talk to her parents about her behavior and see what they say. you should not be hard on yourself if the child is uncontrollable. I doubt you could make that big a difference in the short time she is in your care.

[lucygirl951]

I know two autistic boys, and neither of them is prone to violent episodes. They're more withdrawn/in their own world and not at all likely to act out in this way. Of course, we can't really diagnose autism through this medium. It doesn't sound like you handled the situation in any inappropriate way. You did the best you could. If it was me, I'd probably inform the family of what happened, give them two weeks notice and discontinue her care. I'd be kind but firm, and explain that the behavior is unacceptable without making judgments about the child. I'm not sure of the legalities, but if she hurts another child who is in your care, it could become a fairly significant problem for you.

[pepperdedrick]

I have worked with children of all ages my whole life, but not many autistic children. Could you have let her throw her tantrum outside and just called your neighbors to explain what was going on? I've always let a child throw a tantrum and ignored them, but if she was kicking and hitting that must have been really hard. I have also tried telling a child they would sit in time out in a chair and when they got up put them back in the chair over and over until they give up(all the while ignoring words, screams, & cries). Eventually they give up, but this can be exhausting!! Maybe her parents should have her tested.

[nana053]

If you have seen one autistic child, that is all you have seen. Every autistic child is different.

This child *may* be autistic, but she also may be typical, but undisciplined or she may have other emotional disturbances. I think you can talk to the parents *if* you think she needs to be tested. How does she behave at school? If she is autistic, they would have seen evidence of that at school, I would imagine.

As for the situation, you handled it fine, imo. However, there are a couple of things you can try to head off these kinds of situations in the future. Saying 5 minutes is usually ineffective because she may have no sense of time. A visual timer or counting might work better to designate her turns. Also, you probably need to actively work with her to teach her how to take turns and to play nicely. This can take a lot of work. *If* she is autistic, she needs rewards for good behavior rather than punishment for bad behavior. The best way to extinguish bad behavior is to totally ignore it. Temper tantrums should be *allowed* but walked away from provided she cannot hurt herself or others. You may need to learn safe holds that you can use to calm her and keep her from kicking and hitting you.

If she is receptive, when she is calm, try teaching her breathing exercises. These can be very calming and once she can do them, you can use them to get her to calm herself when she is angry. If you read stories to the kids, try reading some about controlling anger. When Sophie Gets Angry...really, Really Angry by Molly Bang is a good one. Another good one is It's Hard to Be Five: Learning How to Work My Control Panel by Jamie Lee Curtis. You may need to work up some lessons on controlling anger too. Here are some activities for When Sophie Gets Angry. Molly Bang: Activities for When Sophie Gets Angry

Good luck!

Dorothy

[malamute]

She sounds like a very undisciplined child who has learned that she can do whatever she wants and no one is going to rein her in.

I don't think as a care provider that you can do much because it's up to the parents to disipline and it sounds like they've decided not to do so.

[Robhu]

My wife was a licensed child care provider for years. She usualy had 6 kids a day ranging in age from infants to 6 years old.
If she had an uncontrollable child or one who would not accept rules or discipline she would explain the situation to the parents and inform the agency that referred her to them that she would no longer accept that child.
It is too big of a risk to watch a child that may show violent tendencys and hurt another child during a tantrum. She could have been sued by the injured childs parents because it happened while under her care or even the child throwing the tantrum might injure themselves.
Fortunately it never turned into a big problem.
Twenty some years later once in awhile some of those kids she cared for years ago will stop and visit. They were always treated like family and still stop in if in the nieghborhood. But every once in awhile you can get one that just doesn't work out and it is better to refuse them than to accept the risks involved.
You probably couldn't have done anything different. If the child has a medical problem, you can't fix it. You can just tell the parents of your concern.
If it receives no discipline at home and is a spoiled brat, you can't fix that either.

[KylieEve]

Hard to say if its autism or not. Could be that she is just spoiled and always gets her way at home. Maybe she has learned that when she throws these tantrums at home she always gets her way????
I would be reluctant to take care of this girl any longer. You really don't need the abuse. I think you should have just let her thow the tantrum, walk away and ignore her until she stopped.

[KH02]

As a provider you should be leery of continuing to provide care for this child. As I assume you are also watching OTHER children as well. If I was the parent of one of the other children you watch, I wouldn't want my child being affected by this other one's bad behavior. I don't think I'd want them exposed to it.
So as a responsibility to the children and parents of the children you care for, I don't believe this girl should be allowed to stay.

[NY Annie]

I've never been a professional child care provider but you have a few issues going on:

As other posters have said, you have an obligation to your other children to protect them and, from your description, it sounds as though you have a wild child on your hands, regardless of any medical diagnosis.

Which brings us to an issue of non-medical people making judgments such as: may be autistic. All you - or the previous provider - should be doing is description of the behavior. What you saw was a violent temper tantrum.

You have property damage. Submit a bill to the child's parents for replacement/repair of your curtains and let the parents know that she may have injured your DD and, if your DD complains of pain, you will be taking her for medical treatment, the bill to be paid by the parents of the child.

The parents know she has temper tantrums and either make excuses, such as she's autistic or spoiled, or ignore that the tantrums are a problem. You do not have to tolerate that behavior. Even a public school would not be required to tolerate that behavior in a normal classroom setting. Set limits and don't let your empathy for this child cloud your judgment where other children, including your own, are concerned.