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OK, I'm totally guessing here, but it sounds a lot like "normal" teenage rebellion. On that shopping trip, if she was fine at the other stores, did you ask her what was different about Walmart? Did she she a friend from school as you were getting out of the car? Is she embarrassed to be seen with her mom in public? Most teens are. And if you look/seem "different" because of a walker, wheelchair, or even a limp, she may see that as even more mortifying.
I'm not excusing that behavior...but it is possible that sitting down and really talking to her (and LISTENING) about how she feels about your ailments may get you to a point where you can explain to her how she SHOULD feel about it. A teens mind is a bit warped toward me-me-me and she may not see your pain at all...only her own inconvenience.
Again, I am not excusing it. I think she is way out of line being so disrepectful. I only wonder if jumping right to major punishments will fix the issue or make her rebel more.
I'm going to try and post this cautiously, since I really don't know much about your situation. You say things got worse as of this January, but then went on to say that you could barely walk with her at a mall last September. how long have you been like this, and depending on your child to get around/do things for you? You're in a wheelchair now - but you have to be pushed? I know I can't push a grocery cart if my son's carseat is in it - my husband has to - since I am five foot tall and can't see.
I say this because when I was younger, my mother always claimed to be sick - not saying that YOU are, but she was hypochondriacal, and lazy to boot. Day in and day out, I was treated as a servant - "Go make me some tea. Go switch the laundry. Go see what's wrong with your brother. Go change the channel and play with the antenna (on our old TV). Hand me the remote (on our new TV). Pick up that thing I dropped on the floor. Go to the store and buy something for dinner. Go make dinner. Go clean up (as she ate after being served on the couch, and would gesture to her plate)."
This was day in and day out. She was always tired, in pain, her sciatic nerve (which I was frequently reminded was my fault, since it pained her when she was pregnant with me) was acting up... in short, incapable of anything. When I hit middle school, I truly began to detest her - probably due to maturing, spending time at other peoples' houses (which I would do over her objections), and being completely embarrassed because of her.
Again, I'm not trying to trivialize what you are going through. However, your daughter might just be feeling tied down and embarrassed of having to care for an invalid at her age. It's a lot. You mention dropping something on the floor, feeding yourself, needing to be wheeled around when leaving the house (I guess you can't wheel yourself?)... these are all things that happen, and happen OFTEN. Your daughter is entering her teenage years and seems to be a nurse aid. She's rebelling against this.
I'm not excusing her rudeness, but teens at this age become moody... add an invalid parent who needs to be babied, and I'm really not shocked at how she is acting.
I can't repeat the entire conversation verbatim, but I did ask, tell, finally resorted to begging, the problem isn't how I phrased it, she could have responded instead of reducing me to begging.
Yes, it is, and she DIDN'T respond so there you are. BEGGING a 13 year old gets you nowhere.
My dd just got brace and I couldn't imagine take them off as a punishment. I aslo don't think I would be telling my dd she treating me like a dam@@ed dog. Maybe she has learned to talk to you by the way you talk to her. she has learned it some where??? I began teaching my dd to treat me and everyone with kindness as early as 2. Our daughters learn how to talk and act by watching us. If my dd started acting like that all of a sudden I would wonder if it could be drugs or some kind of imbalance and take her to the dr. You said you are not doing well with money right now. Are you sure taking the braces of is to punish you dd or to help you out with money?
And yes, I'm trying to set up counseling, recall, we just moved to a new town (just moved in here last week). It takes time to set up, and, who will drive us? Recall, I've had some recently developed health problems where I can barely walk and balance, I can drive, but can't walk from a car into a building.
We can't expect dh to take off work routinely to drive kids to counseling to find out why they decide to be hateful with me. He's already taking off time to take me to the neurologist.
Oh, here's another piece of the DD saga--
I fell and injured my lower spine last Jan. I could barely manage, then had surgery (spinal fusion) in March. Instead of showing the least of concern, DD said it was my fault I fell, and I shouldn't "inconvenience" everyone by making them take time off for my surgery. Hey, everyone was off their routine exactly 2 days---we went to Houston for my surgery, went on Thurs, surgery on Fri, came home Sat, everyone back at their normal routine on Monday. And I postponed the much-needed surgery 3x to aqccomodate other people's schedules, there's only so much one can do, unless you expect me to just not have the surgery. She said I should have just "sucked it up" that's tough, that's life, and not had the surgery. I had a pelvic fracture 3 inches long, and it was progressing, I'm supposed to ignore that because she doesn't like it?
See why I could care less about running her around for her braces?
My dd just got brace and I couldn't imagine take them off as a punishment. I aslo don't think I would be telling my dd she treating me like a dam@@ed dog. Maybe she has learned to talk to you by the way you talk to her. she has learned it some where??? I began teaching my dd to treat me and everyone with kindness as early as 2. Our daughters learn how to talk and act by watching us. If my dd started acting like that all of a sudden I would wonder if it could be drugs or some kind of imbalance and take her to the dr. You said you are not doing well with money right now. Are you sure taking the braces of is to punish you dd or to help you out with money?
Both
Why should we strain ourselves financially for someone who can't even get me a drink of water?
I didn't ask her to wipe my butt, I aksed her to carry a dish from the microwave to the table, that's just common courtesy. I realize kids her aqge are uncomfortable helping nurse people, but that isn't nursing, that's just common courtesy.
Exactly...so the way she is acting is beyond normal. I had all kinds of emotional issues to deal with knowing my mom was dying and the ONLY time I recall almost refusing to help was when she needed me to help wipe her in the bathroom.
The requests you are making are EASY. There is no reason for her to be so mean.
Yes, it is, and she DIDN'T respond so there you are. BEGGING a 13 year old gets you nowhere.
Because you are her parents. It's your job.
NO, its not "our job" to provide her with perfect teeth. Recall, we already spent about $5000 for 2+ years of orthodontic care, we don't have to. Lots of people don't get braces because they can't afford them.
We ar no more obligated to get her braces than to get her a nose job or a hair weave! We're only obligated to get her basic, rloutine dental care.
NO, its not "our job" to provide her with perfect teeth. Recall, we already spent about $5000 for 2+ years of orthodontic care, we don't have to. Lots of people don't get braces because they can't afford them.
We ar no more obligated to get her braces than to get her a nose job or a hair weave! We're only obligated to get her basic, rloutine dental care.
Whatever. But you really need to get over yourself a bit and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Your daughter is 13. Kids that age do not thing like an adult. Kids that age do not behave like an adult. You can't punish her for what you haven't taught her.
I'll say. Stop feeling sorry for yourself as a parent.Ask her?? BEGGED her??? Why don't you try TELLING her??? Why give her the control by asking? She's 13, she has to be told to do things since she doesn't respond like a decent human.
Tried to rep your post, NoExcuses. This was exactly my thoughts as I read OP's post. If my dd didn't follow through w/ me asking her to do something, I'd let her know I'm not asking again, I TELLING her what I want done. I'm the parent and me begging her for anything is unacceptable.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII
Actually, that's the puzzling part, she did almost change overnight. She was such a sweet little girl, then just did a 180 degree turn. It really started the day she started middle school, I mean, she just came home the first day an entirely different person. I tried my best to work with her and the changes in her life, but she decided I wasn't worth spitting on.
It would be a red flag to me if I saw such a drastic change in my dd immediately after starting middle school. My dd is 14 and did get a slight attitude when she went from private school to public middle school in 7th grade. We flat out told her mouthing back would not be tolerated.
I found this poem and handed it to dd one day. You might want to pass it onto your dd.
Two Wolves -
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two "wolves" inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: "Which wolf wins?"
The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."
~unknown
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