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I need some advice. I have a 1 month old, 2 1/2 year old and a 9 year old and I can seem to get organized enough to cook dinner most days, clean the house and get things done. I also started off breastfeeding but ds is a BIG eater and it was not satisfying him. My plan was to supplement with breastmilk by pumping but I can't seem to find time in my day to do that either. I'm up with ds all night and by morning I'm exhausted but I try to get it together enough to get the 9 year old off to school and spend some time with my toddler.
I need some advice on how to get things done and how to fit in pumping. My husband works long hours and is gone from 4am - 6pm so when he comes home he is exhausted but he tries to play with the kids and take the baby so I can get some things done. Sleeping when the baby sleeps doesn't always work because my toddler is not always taking a nap at that time. Also, I try to get a few things done when they are both sleeping. Any advice is appreciated.
I have been there, as my kids were 16 months apart. You need to accept that the children are more important than any housework. This phase does not last forever. The dust will still be there when it ends.
Use your 9 year old to keep an eye on the 2 1/2 year old so you can grab a nap while the baby sleeps. Even 45 minutes can make a difference in how you feel.
Grocery shop on the weekends when your husband can watch the kids, maybe take your 9 year old along for some one-on-one time. Cook with an eye towards filling the freezer with easy meals on the weekends.
If you are exhausted and stressed, pumping won't be easy. In six months this will all be nothing but a memory.
My kids were 17 months apart ; the younger was a premmie. Dont worry about the house ; it will be still standing in 20 years when the kids are gone. I gave up bf as I got very sick and figured my health was more important.
Its hard, I wont lie ; the baby would go back to sleep at 6am and the toddler would be up at 7am. The first year with both was the worst.
Now at age 10 and 11, it is fine. But been there, done that. Its hard ; take it day by day and dont over stretch yourself. Dont make goals ; just if you can get one thing done a day, its a success.
At age 55 and 62 we adopted two babies. the first as 3 months and when she was 11 months old we got our 7 month old daughter. And on top of that I made 4 horrible trips alone to VietNam to pick them up.
I was a mess. We decided it was worth it to hire a mother's helper to come in the house for a few hours 3 mornings a week so I wouldn't lose my mind. BTW we asked for ages 4 to 6 years old. Something must have gotten lost in the translation!!!
Yes it was a financial strain but I found a wonderful SAHM with teenagers who was happy to have a few hours away from home. She did the laundry, played with the babies, etc and the minute she walked in the door I headed to bed.
The first thing you must tell yourself is the house can just go to H---. You just can't continue the same old way with a new baby. I have nursed before and I know worry, fatigue and steress all hamper that.
Keep strong, lean on your family, neighbors etc to get thru this difficult stage. Can you take the todler to church mom's day out once a week or something like that?
If you want to continue breastfeeding (and I urge you to do so!), I suggest contacting a La Leche League leader or a lactation consultant. Breastfeeding is all about supply and demand. If you are supplementing with bottles, even bottles of pumped breastmilk, then you are not going to produce as much milk as if you just nurse your baby at the breast. What the LLL leader/LC is going to suggest is probably this: Take 48 hours and spend them in bed with your baby. Every time he starts rooting, latch him on. Only get up to shower and go potty. Have your husband handle the other two children and bring you meals. No cooking or cleaning. Between the rest and the near-constant nursing, your supply should be back up by the end of two days, and if you continue nursing your baby on demand after that, you should not need to pump to keep your supply up. Can you take a weekend to do this? If not, can your DH use some sick/personal time for two days?
I had a toddler and an infant at the same time, and it's not easy... the good thing is that your have your nine-year-old, who in theory should be more of a help than a hindrance, to help you for another couple of weeks before school starts (unless it starts early in your area).
Remember, this will get easier! Just hang in there for a few more months, and once you're sleeping more and the baby is on a good routine, you'll be an old pro.
I have been there, as my kids were 16 months apart. You need to accept that the children are more important than any housework. This phase does not last forever. The dust will still be there when it ends.
Use your 9 year old to keep an eye on the 2 1/2 year old so you can grab a nap while the baby sleeps. Even 45 minutes can make a difference in how you feel.
Grocery shop on the weekends when your husband can watch the kids, maybe take your 9 year old along for some one-on-one time. Cook with an eye towards filling the freezer with easy meals on the weekends.
If you are exhausted and stressed, pumping won't be easy. In six months this will all be nothing but a memory.
Mine are 2 years apart too. It is hard, but it will pass. Do the minimum. Make sure clothes and dishes are clean. Don't worry about the rest of the house. Work to get the baby on the same schedule as the toddler so they nap at the same time, so you can rest too. Good luck!
I could have written your post. I have a 7 year old a 2 1/2 year old and a 9 month old. I too am overwhelmed so I just wanted to let you know you're not alone
My advice is don't worry too much about the house work right now you have a newborn. Do you have a swing? Can you put the newborn in the swing while you pump? That would be my best suggestion.
Can the 9 year old help you out with feeding the baby? I sometimes get my 7 year old to feed the baby's first morning bottle. That should give you about 10 or 15 minutes to get a few things done as well.
Good Luck to you and congrats on the new baby!
Last edited by KylieEve; 08-07-2010 at 04:49 PM..
Reason: .
Where to start. I think that most of your problems are that you are not getting enough sleep and you are expecting too much from yourself.
First, if everyone has at least one pair of clean underwear for the next day, and there is enough food for the next day, no other housework really matters. In fact, go to the store this weekend and buy everyone a three week supply of underwear.
Second, yes, the older child can help, but I would offer compensation versus treating the child as a live in nanny. In our house, it is not a big reward because helping out is expected. But, we do treat our daughter with the understanding that her needs and time are just as important as the younger child. She gets an allowance with the requirement that she completes her weekly chores, including a cetain amount of help with the younger one. As she has grown up, her list has grown as has the allowance.
Can the oldest start helping with dinner as part of the weekly chore list? How about using paper plates for a few months? And, I disagree with all the "experts" on TV watching. If you need to keep the 2 1/2 year old busy for a little bit, PBS is your friend. I also had my kids helping with laundry by your middle child's age - the folding part. You just have to learn to go a little wrinkled and not be picky about all the socks matching up. We were silly, but it got done without using any nap time.
As you have already learned with your oldest, this age passes way too fast to not stop and enjoy it!
I need some advice. I have a 1 month old, 2 1/2 year old and a 9 year old and I can seem to get organized enough to cook dinner most days, clean the house and get things done. I also started off breastfeeding but ds is a BIG eater and it was not satisfying him. My plan was to supplement with breastmilk by pumping but I can't seem to find time in my day to do that either. I'm up with ds all night and by morning I'm exhausted but I try to get it together enough to get the 9 year old off to school and spend some time with my toddler.
I need some advice on how to get things done and how to fit in pumping. My husband works long hours and is gone from 4am - 6pm so when he comes home he is exhausted but he tries to play with the kids and take the baby so I can get some things done. Sleeping when the baby sleeps doesn't always work because my toddler is not always taking a nap at that time. Also, I try to get a few things done when they are both sleeping. Any advice is appreciated.
First, concentrate on the breastfeeding if that's the direction you want to go.
Lower your expectations for the housework and cooking. Whenever you cook make extra to freeze so you are slowly getting ahead. You can have soup and salad for dinner, or breakfast for dinner, or simple sandwiches.....don't try to be Carol Brady unless you have an Alice hiding in the kitchen.
Do you have family and friends who can help out with things for a few weeks? Is there someone who can drop your older child at school or babysit the toddler for a few hours a week?
It doesn't really matter how long your DH is working. He needs to step up regardless of how tired he is. Parenting is a full time job for BOTH of you right now. I don't know what kind of work he does but it's likely that him working 4am to 6pm is the EASY job compared to what you are doing right now.
Most important to remember....it does get easier. Hang in there....keep your priorities straight and don't get hung up on the things that matter least.
Congrats on your new baby!!
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Mine are 2 years apart too. It is hard, but it will pass. Do the minimum. Make sure clothes and dishes are clean. Don't worry about the rest of the house. Work to get the baby on the same schedule as the toddler so they nap at the same time, so you can rest too. Good luck!
