Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 08-13-2010, 06:17 PM
 
Location: Over There
5,094 posts, read 5,432,430 times
Reputation: 1208

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by deb8997 View Post
I have a 13 year old daughter who is going through some stuff right now that makes me very upset. she is obsessed with thinking her 20 year old sister is prettier.she thinks she' fat and ugly and by no means is she either. she is the perfect height and weight and is beautiful. she thinks i tell her that because i have to im her mom..when we go shopping she picks out really cute clothes and does try them on but when we get home its a whold different story. she wont wear any of them and throws on her workout shorts and a big tshirt. when her sister wants to take her out to the mall or just go hang out its a huge ordeal to find anything to wear and locks herself in the room and cries that her sister is prettier.im at my witts end here with this. we are all going on vacation next week and i cant have her acting like this. its driving me crazy no matter what i tell her. i feel so bad she feels like this. she uses the excuse that all the kids in her school call her ugly so apparently it must be true according to her.
Aww I am so sorry to hear that she feels badly about herself. I think having the older one talk with her and maybe even ask the younger ones advice on clothes or make-up and hair stuff. If the younger knows that the older one cares what she thinks it might help.

As for the kids in school calling her ugly, I would try and probe a bit with that. Asking her who exactly is doing it, not to get them into trouble but you may find that it is just one or two but to your daughter that feels like everyone. Can you talk to some of her friends maybe they can lift her self confidence a bit also.

Also maybe the three of you go to a local spa for a make over. Sorta like a girls day out. Hair, make-up, mannies and peddies. Something to boost her a bit.

I hope it works out for you and her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 08-13-2010, 06:44 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,839,661 times
Reputation: 30715
Quote:
Originally Posted by SuzyQ123 View Post
I was the little sister by 5 yrs. It was tough. Just when I was going in to my akward stage at 12-13 my sister was really becoming her own person at 17-18. .
It is tough, isn't it? Although I was an older sister by 6-1/2 years, I was a younger sister by 4-1/2 years. I remember wanting to wear my older sister's clothes. She wouldn't share. I'd sneak into her room and 'borrow' them for school. I started curling my hair---and taking her infusion to help my hair hold the curl. That's how I knew how I needed to treat my younger sister. I knew how she felt because I was the younger sister going through an awkward stage at some point too. Little sisters want to be like their older sisters----LIKE meaning they want to look more grown up like their sisters instead of looking like little girls.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 06:46 AM
 
Location: Canada
3,430 posts, read 4,326,353 times
Reputation: 2186
Are you sure she really thinks she's ugly. Maybe she knows she's pretty and says she's ugly just so that people will keep telling her she is pretty. Trust me. I've seen it happen.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 07:16 AM
 
Location: Back at home in western Washington!
1,490 posts, read 4,746,522 times
Reputation: 3244
I'm glad you started this post ... it got me thinking. My youngest daughter just turned 10 and is really starting to take an interest in her older sister's habits. I love the idea of getting the 2 of them together for a shopping / fun day at the mall or something, just to keep them connected. I hadn't thought before how my youngest could easily feel over-shadowed by her over-achieving teenage sibling.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 07:24 AM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,570,473 times
Reputation: 22474
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
Are you sure she really thinks she's ugly. Maybe she knows she's pretty and says she's ugly just so that people will keep telling her she is pretty. Trust me. I've seen it happen.
Yes. It sounds to me that this could be a little game - it's getting her attention, and if she says she's ugly, she's knows she's going to be complimented on her looks. Teenage drama queen stuff.

What I would do instead is turn it around and the next time she says she's ugly don't reward her with a compliment but point out that it's fine to be homely and that often homely people become very successful and happy in life.

If you remind her that looks aren't everything and beauty can be only skin deep, you're sending two messages - one that beauty isn't all she should focus on and that you're not going to tell her how beautiful she is everytime she says she's ugly - you're not playing that game.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 11:00 AM
 
Location: square thing with a roof
894 posts, read 1,125,162 times
Reputation: 773
A good way to boost her self-esteem is to get her into a self defense or martial arts class. In a self defense or martial arts class, a lot of teenage kids with self-image issues will develop a healthy self-outlook quickly because of the discipline and mental focus that it requires. Once they've mastered a few things it gives them a feeling of accomplishment. Might be worth looking into.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 02:30 PM
 
Location: Canada
3,430 posts, read 4,326,353 times
Reputation: 2186
Quote:
Originally Posted by malamute View Post
Yes. It sounds to me that this could be a little game - it's getting her attention, and if she says she's ugly, she's knows she's going to be complimented on her looks. Teenage drama queen stuff.

What I would do instead is turn it around and the next time she says she's ugly don't reward her with a compliment but point out that it's fine to be homely and that often homely people become very successful and happy in life.

If you remind her that looks aren't everything and beauty can be only skin deep, you're sending two messages - one that beauty isn't all she should focus on and that you're not going to tell her how beautiful she is everytime she says she's ugly - you're not playing that game.

If you stop telling her she's pretty when she says she's ugly it will stop. You need to modify her behaviour. Next time she starts complaining CHANGE THE SUBJECT and it will stop eventually. My niece does the same thing and it drives everyone crazy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 04:49 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,570,473 times
Reputation: 22474
Quote:
Originally Posted by lisalan View Post
If you stop telling her she's pretty when she says she's ugly it will stop. You need to modify her behaviour. Next time she starts complaining CHANGE THE SUBJECT and it will stop eventually. My niece does the same thing and it drives everyone crazy.
Yes and if she really thought she was ugly, she wouldn't want to be pointing out all the time. Ugly kids might have low self-esteem but they really aren't as obsessed with their looks. It could be better to just agree with her - even if she's very pretty just to help her see there are more important things than her face, tell her she might not be great looking but she's got a beautiful soul or something. She definitely won't like hearing that.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 04:59 PM
 
43,011 posts, read 107,839,661 times
Reputation: 30715
I think that you could completely destroy your daughter if you say things that Malamute suggests.

If you think that your daughter is truly just wanting attention, Lisalan's idea of ignoring is much better.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 08-14-2010, 05:09 PM
 
47,525 posts, read 69,570,473 times
Reputation: 22474
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes View Post
I think that you could completely destroy your daughter if you say things that Malamute suggests.

If you think that your daughter is truly just wanting attention, Lisalan's idea of ignoring is much better.
I didn't mean tell her she's ugly - just agree with her since telling her otherwise isn't getting her to be quiet about it.

I think the parent could just nod and start going on about the things that are more important than superficial beauty and having a great personality and that one can still be well-liked for their inner beauty.

How can that hurt? If she's not so pretty, she needs to realize that being pretty isn't the only thing that matters and if she is pretty, she's not going to want to hear how she should work on her inner beauty. She wants to hear over and over that she's very pretty - but telling her that will just make her even more superficial because she already thinks it's too important.

Ignoring would work too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:34 AM.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top