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Old 08-13-2012, 09:49 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,167 posts, read 22,197,863 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
I'm one of six and I couldn't agree more. There is really very little time for each child in a big family and kids aren't included in decisions. I was always one of six never me. Decisions were made for all six not individuals.

The fact I'm one of six and stopped at two is telling. I love kids but I wasn't going to over extend myself. My dil, OTOH was an only child and number 6 is on the way. From the outside looking in, she spends her time just trying to keep her brood from killing each other. I see the same anger and resentment in the eyes of her older two that I had in mine at their age (I was the oldest girl in a day and age when girls did all the work so mh y brother did fine as the oldest). She also invests too much energy in being angry that I don't help her. Sorry, but I have my two and my career and I'm not in position to help. Her mother, who is retired, helps her a lot. I really get sick of the comparison. We're in sitautions that are a world apart. And why get ticked off that someone else isn't helping you with the kids YOU CHOSE to have??? Kind of silly if you ask me.

I don't think I would have wanted to be an only child (my mom died when I was 22 and my dad when I was 34) but I'd take being one of two or three over being one of six any day of the week. My friends who weren't from big families seemed to have a real relationship with their parents. I was just one of six and we're not even close as adults. We get together on holidays, catch up and then go back to our individual lives. I think we had to share too much as kids to share our lives now.
Meh...my DH was one of 5. Typical of his generation and the town he grew up in (ETA - actually, upon reflection, 5 was a small family for his era and town - many of his friends were 1 of 6, 8 or 10). He loved it and, had finances allowed, would have loved having more kids than the two we did.

Last edited by maciesmom; 08-13-2012 at 10:29 PM..
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Old 08-13-2012, 10:04 PM
 
32,538 posts, read 29,452,523 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ivorytickler View Post
(I was the oldest girl in a day and age when girls did all the work so my brother did fine as the oldest).
What "day and age" was that?

I'm older than you are and in MY day and age the girls did not do all the work. I can't think of a single family I knew growing up where the girls did all the work.

Was there a regression in this country I'm somehow not aware of?
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Old 08-13-2012, 10:10 PM
 
Location: Denver 'burbs
21,167 posts, read 22,197,863 times
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Ivory I'm guessing we're close to the same age. In no families I know of did the girls do all the work. That may have been the case in your family but I doubt it was the standard.
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Old 10-06-2013, 07:23 AM
 
155 posts, read 290,502 times
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The difference between having 2 kids and having 3 or more kids is you go from playing man-on-man to zone.

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Old 10-06-2013, 01:56 PM
 
Location: Duluth, Minnesota, USA
7,653 posts, read 14,811,972 times
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One child: Fairly rare locally. When I think of a one-child family I imagine a spoiled, but lonely child, probably the offspring of upper-middle-class yuppie parents.

Two children: Common locally. Usually unremarkable.

Three children: Probably the most common locally, and describes my family.

Four children: Rather uncommon, but no so much as to be a rarity. Often these families are headed by successful parents in professional or semi-professional occupations who appreciate the blessings that children are.

5+ children: Uncommonly large locally. Maybe the parents are religious, and the children are also, and don't believe in artificial birth control. To that I say keep reproducing, we need you around. Other situations are blended families.
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Old 10-07-2013, 12:31 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,284 posts, read 32,977,860 times
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I'm the mother of four and the stepmother of one, who is an only child, since they grew up in different households (the stepson spent most of his childhood in his mother's home as an only child, and my kids grew up in a family of four kids born pretty close together).

When I went from one to two kids, I was amazed at how difficult that transition was. But when I went from two to three kids, I was amazed at how EASY that was! Same with going from three to four - the biggest difference seemed to be in the size of vehicle we needed, and the amount of laundry! My kids always got along pretty well, so constant squabbling wasn't an issue. When the girls reached their early teens, there was some drama (they are only 20 months apart), but overall I think they would all say that they enjoyed growing up together in a large, close family.

My stepson didn't enter my life till he was eleven. He's an only child. HUGE DIFFERENCE. For one thing, frankly he's spoiled. His mother is so obsessed with him (he was born late in her life after she tried for ten years to have a child), and she has catered to his every whim and involved herself much more into every detail than I ever did, or was ever even able to do, with my kids. In some ways, I can see an advantage to SOME of this nurturing one on one, but overall, I can see more disadvantages than advantages when it comes to personality and character development - in HIS case (not saying it's the same for all families with just one child).

My dad is an only child too, and I see some definite similarities between his personality and that of my stepson. However, my mom is from a family of four, and I also have two siblings. I much prefer the dynamics of several kids in a household but of course that may be due to the familiarity of those dynamics.

The main similarity I see between my dad and my stepson (as only children) is that it seems that both of them are a bit surprised when they realize that the world doesn't revolve around them. They don't necessarily twist off, but it seems to take them aback when they realize that the needs of others are at least as important as their own needs. Sharing seems to be an alien concept - not that they won't do it, but they don't default to that, if you get what I mean. They both have distinct preferences that they expect people to naturally cater to - it's like they don't even realize that people won't or might have a problem with that. Both are generally nice, pleasant people but I do notice some tension in the above situations. Both expect individual attention a lot more than "multiples" and seem to be more high maintenance. They also seem to be less sensitive to the needs of others. I don't even really fault them because like I said, they're both pleasant people overall, but when I see these traits pop up, I think they probably have more to do with being an only child of a doting, over-involved mother more than an inherent character flaw.
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Old 10-07-2013, 03:07 PM
 
34 posts, read 47,685 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Glitterific View Post
That was a hilarious video. I can't imagine 3 children, kudos to those of you who do it.

I heard somewhere that once you have three children, there is little difference after that- 3,4,or 5 it doesn't change the amount of work. They also said that going from 2 children to 3 children was harder than going from 1 to 2 kids.

Despite the only child stereotypes, I'm happy I stuck with 1. Although I will say I know of 1 only child who'd have his parents carrying on like the guy did in the 3 children segment.

Yes! I went from 1-2 children easily. At 3 we realized that the kids out numbered the parents. That can be a scary prospect at times. I've actually experienced all of the scenarios to a degree. My oldest child was with my ex-husband and an only child for almost 9 years (only grandshild for both families as well). I included him in adult conversations and encouraged him to make appropriate decisions, as opposed to just telling him what to do. I ended up with an intelligent and (sometimes) mature child that feels less connected to his peers and doesn't understand why he can't always be included in adult conversations/past times. Then came along my current husband and we had my second son. Easy peasy. Then came #3, my daughter. Our entire world has been flipped upside down. Its the little things you don't think about. 3 kids in a back seat when 2 are in carseats (can't always be in a mini van). Try to find a hotel room that allows 5 people, they often require us to get 2 rooms or a suite (depending on hotel a fold out is sometimes an option). Amusement parks, somebody has to ride alone. I love my kids and sometimes its the chaos I love the most but 3 is 10 times harder than 2. We've taken care of cousins and friends kids, and really the extras aren't any harder at this point. I think the magic to success is to keep an even number. 4 kids is easier than 3. 5 is harder than 4 or 6. They have to be in even numbers.
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Old 10-07-2013, 03:56 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
41,284 posts, read 32,977,860 times
Reputation: 57556
Quote:
Originally Posted by jenelizmin View Post
Yes! I went from 1-2 children easily. At 3 we realized that the kids out numbered the parents. That can be a scary prospect at times. I've actually experienced all of the scenarios to a degree. My oldest child was with my ex-husband and an only child for almost 9 years (only grandshild for both families as well). I included him in adult conversations and encouraged him to make appropriate decisions, as opposed to just telling him what to do. I ended up with an intelligent and (sometimes) mature child that feels less connected to his peers and doesn't understand why he can't always be included in adult conversations/past times. Then came along my current husband and we had my second son. Easy peasy. Then came #3, my daughter. Our entire world has been flipped upside down. Its the little things you don't think about. 3 kids in a back seat when 2 are in carseats (can't always be in a mini van). Try to find a hotel room that allows 5 people, they often require us to get 2 rooms or a suite (depending on hotel a fold out is sometimes an option). Amusement parks, somebody has to ride alone. I love my kids and sometimes its the chaos I love the most but 3 is 10 times harder than 2. We've taken care of cousins and friends kids, and really the extras aren't any harder at this point. I think the magic to success is to keep an even number. 4 kids is easier than 3. 5 is harder than 4 or 6. They have to be in even numbers.
There's a lot of truth to that "even numbers" thing!

That being said, I really enjoyed being the oldest, and the only girl, with two younger brothers, even if it did turn me into a bossy, take charge person! LOL
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Old 10-07-2013, 04:09 PM
 
15,812 posts, read 13,255,696 times
Reputation: 19712
Quote:
Originally Posted by tvdxer View Post
One child: Fairly rare locally. When I think of a one-child family I imagine a spoiled, but lonely child, probably the offspring of upper-middle-class yuppie parents.

Two children: Common locally. Usually unremarkable.

Three children: Probably the most common locally, and describes my family.

Four children: Rather uncommon, but no so much as to be a rarity. Often these families are headed by successful parents in professional or semi-professional occupations who appreciate the blessings that children are.

5+ children: Uncommonly large locally. Maybe the parents are religious, and the children are also, and don't believe in artificial birth control. To that I say keep reproducing, we need you around. Other situations are blended families.
Interesting.

I am numbers person, always have been. And as part of a research project with a graduate student we have been compiling data on our districts students (we are district of public STEM academies aka gifted students).

We have a disproportionally large percentage of only children. Nationally it is somewhere between 20-23% Out our school nearly 40% of families (we had to do that for comparison) moving through our school had only one child.

Less than 5% of families had more than 3 children. We are also looking particularly at out students who go to IL or academies, and in that population only children are even more over represented.

My personal experience is that there is no difference between only children and their peers when it comes to "spoiledness". In fact they frequently have a better work ethic. Additionally, I have a somewhat unique experience of being an only child on one side of my family and one of many on the other. Only child-ness is no lonelier and I definitely had more of my parents attention.
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