U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 06-26-2007, 04:48 PM
 
Location: Happiness is found inside your smile :)
3,178 posts, read 13,167,269 times
Reputation: 1256

Advertisements

I'm a little in shock. I have a boy and I love him to bits and I was immediately happy when I knew he was a boy. I don't know how I feel about a girl.

I worry she'll have low self esteem as a teen like I did, that she will have sexual problems like I did, or that she might get pregnant on accident like I did (years ago) and that she's have to endure so many crappy things that girls do when growing into women.

I was not like this with my boy.

Why am I like this? Why can't I be happy and ecited like the rest of my family is. My husband is disappointed in me that I'm not hopping up and down happy.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 06-26-2007, 04:59 PM
 
Location: Sherman Oaks, CA
6,203 posts, read 15,012,809 times
Reputation: 7951
Maybe you have to grow into the idea, that's all. Luckily, you have a few months to do just that!

I'm firmly convinced that as parents, we do the best job we can, but environment and genetics also play a part. People have different personalities, and of course, so do children. Maybe your daughter will have the kind of personality that lets her sail through life untouched by any of the insecurities and anxiety that you describe. Or maybe she won't. As long as you love her and teach her how to be the best person she can be, the rest is up to her.

Do you need any help picking out names? Congratulations on the new addition to your family!!!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 05:01 PM
 
Location: Highland Village
1,433 posts, read 3,466,651 times
Reputation: 998
I KNOW exactly what you are saying. I am not at all a girlygirl and I grew up with brothers. When I got married, my husband has a brother. I am comfortable in that world. All my friends wanted girls. My best friend had TWIN BOYS and she is a GIRLY GIRL. I was worried about the same things you are. But there is something magical about having a little girl. I wouldn't trade it for anything in this world and this is coming from someone who thought she wanted a boy. I don't know if you believe in God, but I believe He knows what He is doing when HE blesses you with your child. Don't worry, you are going to love having a little girl. You will have different relationships with your kids being boys and girls. I think its cool you are going to experience both! I wasn't supposed to be able to have any kids, so our little one is the only one we will have. They are all little miracles. Congrats and don't worry, it will be awesome!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 05:03 PM
 
Location: Florida
6,262 posts, read 16,961,295 times
Reputation: 4690
my daughter is my best friend! I feel very fortunate that God blessed me with a girl. You mustn't start worrying about the what ifs. Worry when there is a need to.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 08:00 PM
 
4,007 posts, read 9,885,827 times
Reputation: 1792
I have a son with terribly low self esteem.....so don't think it is only a girls' issue. He has really struggled and we worry sick about it.

Congrats on your new girl!

Dawn
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 08:16 PM
 
Location: California, again...
232 posts, read 745,541 times
Reputation: 157
CityGirl,

It is perfectly normal to have doubts. Each pregnancy is unique and cannot be judged by your former experiences. There are a couple of comments I would like to make. Sorry if I jump about, these thoughts are in no particular order.

You say you have self esteem issues, perhaps find a hobby or something that is just for you. Something that will help you see how great you really are.

Tell your doctor about your feelings, there may be a medical issue that you are not aware of. Don't forget the nasty hormone flux you are dealing with right now.

Your child is not you. You have left your past behind and have a whole new life now. Your daughter will not be in the same situations you had to deal with because you will be alert to prevent that from happening.

Don't try to force your feelings. I needed about a year and a half before I actually felt comfortable with my little girl. I cared for her as I would have cared for a neighbors child that I was sitting.....but the feelings did grow and we have a very good relationship. She is actually a strong personality and there is NO ONE that is going to take advantage of her, she would never allow it. My son is the quiet gentle one that I need to worry about :/

Most of all, keep talking to others about how you feel, even if it is only here in the forum. You are not alone
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 08:19 PM
MB2
 
Location: Sebastian/ FL
3,496 posts, read 8,563,577 times
Reputation: 2688
Quote:
Originally Posted by CityGirl72 View Post
I'm a little in shock. I have a boy and I love him to bits and I was immediately happy when I knew he was a boy. I don't know how I feel about a girl.

I worry she'll have low self esteem as a teen like I did, that she will have sexual problems like I did, or that she might get pregnant on accident like I did (years ago) and that she's have to endure so many crappy things that girls do when growing into women.

I was not like this with my boy.

Why am I like this? Why can't I be happy and ecited like the rest of my family is. My husband is disappointed in me that I'm not hopping up and down happy.
Don't be down on yourself, because I had it the other way around.
I was told that with 80 % certainty, that I would have a boy.
And, boy was that a shock, and got me so bummed out.
I just really, really wished for a girl for some reason.......
I don't know what it was, maybe something phsychological or something.
But, you know what? It went away...immediately AFTER I gave birth, I held my little baby in my arms and have him lay in my chest, my mother instincts just kicked in and took over....balling my eyes out!
It was never an issue AFTER THAT!
I'll bet anything, this is exactly what is going to happen to you as well!
Our minds and hormones are CRAZY, when we are expecting, and AFTER for a while as well.
All you need to think and be concerned about is, that that little one in your belly is HEALTHY....no matter what sex it is!
Take good care of yourself.....and little one!
Good luck...I wish you and the bay the BEST!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 08:52 PM
 
15,187 posts, read 16,039,895 times
Reputation: 25076
You're certainly not alone in your feelings. A good friend of mine who had a boy and a girl called me in tears when she found out she was having another girl. She knew she was being irrational, but she wanted to "give" her husband another son. Also, she had lost a son years earlier in a cord injury and I think her feelings were tied up in that as well.

Don't be too hard on yourself,--just feel what you feel. You'll get used to the idea and you'll love that little girl as much as you love your son. Good luck and congratulations!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 09:11 PM
 
Location: Princeton-area, New Jersey
113 posts, read 693,890 times
Reputation: 80
I totally understand and respect your feelings. I wasn't in your shoes, but I was told something nasty when I expressed a similar feeling. I was pregnant for the second time and was really hoping for a daughter, since I already had a son and wanted only two children. The girlfriend of my husband's friend quipped, "Well, then if you have another boy, I will call child services on you." I was so mortified! I was merely stating a preference, not making plans to abuse a child for being the less preferred gender! (I did end up having a girl, though

In any case, congratulations and good luck to you! I agree with other posters here who invite you to share your feelings, because it is important to let them out. There are many great posters out there with great insight and have great experiences to share.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 06-26-2007, 09:49 PM
 
Location: Pasadena, CA
145 posts, read 466,243 times
Reputation: 177
When I was blessed (I really should say we - my husband had a lot to do with it ) with our daughter I worried that I'd mess up. By mess up I'm talking about the type of concerns you have. I think that everything you've outlined as a concern could be a positive too. You can use your worries as a caution to make sure she doesn't suffer those issues. My father was emotionally abusive and enjoyed bullying tactics. I remember all of the things he would say and do that were so hurtful. This awareness makes me sensitive to not repeating his mistakes. Our childhood was the responsibility of our parents. Our adulthood is our own responsibility. I hope that your daughter brings you as much joy and unconditional love as ours does us.
Also I would imagine that its scary to have a baby girl after growing accustomed to the care and needs of a boy. If I were to become pregnant (gasping husband falls over at the thought) with a boy I would not know the first thing beyond the most basic care. BUT YOU'LL LEARN! God is pretty smart. New babies are as limited in their abilities as new moms. The awesome part is that you both grow and become more capable together. I hope that you will soon enjoy your pregnancy and your new daughter, Take Care.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Parenting
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top