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Old 08-29-2010, 10:36 PM
 
853 posts, read 4,016,456 times
Reputation: 664

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My 11 year old son and his friend are on the same tackle football team. My son has wanted to play for as long as I can remember, and his friend had no interest in playing football, however, his mother made him sign up. She also found a way to force her x-husband to take him (and his brother) to football on the days that the kids are with him.

Well, the other day my son's friend slept over our house after football and stayed until early afternoon the next day (I was at work but my husband was home). While they were here, my son, his friend, and my husband talked about whether or not my son was going to football that evening since it was an optional practice (which is rare). My son did not want to go (also rare), which was fine with my husband.

Well, my son ended up going to football. When I got there, my son's friend's mother yelled at me for at least half an hour because she was upset that we talked about whether my son would go in front of her son, as it made her job getting him to football "harder". She was shocked that we included our son in the decision, and was absolutely adamant that I should apologize and say that I will never have those conversations in front of her son! She also told me that she had to yell at her son for four hours to get him to go, and that she spoke to many people about what I did and they all could not believe it (not to mention that I was at work and did not hear any of the story beforehand!!!). What made her even more upset is that my son ended up going after all of that.

I am curious.....would you ever make an 11 year old boy play TACKLE football, do you have conversations like that in front of your kids, and would you let your kids chose about missing an optional practice? Also, would you have apologized (I said that I was sorry it happened to her but that I did not know the situation and I was not sure I agreed)?

Thanks! This has been bothering me for a few days now.
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Old 08-29-2010, 10:41 PM
 
Location: Chicago
38,707 posts, read 102,697,699 times
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It's her own damn responsibility to get her kid to wherever he needs to go. I can't imagine why you put up with her yelling at you for half an hour. I'd have told her to S.T.F.U. after half a minute.
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Old 08-29-2010, 10:56 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,018,060 times
Reputation: 32725
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reneeme View Post
My 11 year old son and his friend are on the same tackle football team. My son has wanted to play for as long as I can remember, and his friend had no interest in playing football, however, his mother made him sign up. She also found a way to force her x-husband to take him (and his brother) to football on the days that the kids are with him.

Well, the other day my son's friend slept over our house after football and stayed until early afternoon the next day (I was at work but my husband was home). While they were here, my son, his friend, and my husband talked about whether or not my son was going to football that evening since it was an optional practice (which is rare). My son did not want to go (also rare), which was fine with my husband.

Well, my son ended up going to football. When I got there, my son's friend's mother yelled at me for at least half an hour because she was upset that we talked about whether my son would go in front of her son, as it made her job getting him to football "harder". She was shocked that we included our son in the decision, and was absolutely adamant that I should apologize and say that I will never have those conversations in front of her son! She also told me that she had to yell at her son for four hours to get him to go, and that she spoke to many people about what I did and they all could not believe it (not to mention that I was at work and did not hear any of the story beforehand!!!). What made her even more upset is that my son ended up going after all of that.

I am curious.....would you ever make an 11 year old boy play TACKLE football, do you have conversations like that in front of your kids, and would you let your kids chose about missing an optional practice? Also, would you have apologized (I said that I was sorry it happened to her but that I did not know the situation and I was not sure I agreed)?

Thanks! This has been bothering me for a few days now.
No, I wouldn't make my kid play any sport he didn't want to. Once signed up, I would make him go to all the practices, though (except maybe an optional one???) Since this was an optional practice, it doesn't seem wrong to discuss whether or not your son was going to go. I can understand the other mom being a little annoyed - a little - but it was out of line for her to yell at you like that. Her son obviously doesn't wan to play. That is a bigger problem than the conversation with your son. I don't know how I would have reacted.
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Old 08-29-2010, 10:58 PM
 
853 posts, read 4,016,456 times
Reputation: 664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Drover View Post
It's her own damn responsibility to get her kid to wherever he needs to go. I can't imagine why you put up with her yelling at you for half an hour. I'd have told her to S.T.F.U. after half a minute.
I was tempted, believe me (and it's not my typical way of reacting)!

However, from the things I hear about her, I was pretty sure that if I said what I wanted to say, she'd start keeping her son from my son (which might happen anyway, but not hopefully not completely). Her son seems much happier when he's at our house, and also, he's my son's closest friend.

Thanks!
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Old 08-29-2010, 11:03 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,018,060 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Reneeme View Post
I was tempted, believe me (and it's not my typical way of reacting)!

However, from the things I hear about her, I was pretty sure that if I said what I wanted to say, she'd start keeping her son from my son (which might happen anyway, but not hopefully not completely). Her son seems much happier when he's at our house, and also, he's my son's closest friend.

Thanks!
wow. That mom has issues! Who does that? just yell at your kid's friend's mom? I probably would have bit my tongue as long as could, then let it all out all over her.
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Old 08-29-2010, 11:26 PM
 
158 posts, read 214,616 times
Reputation: 238
What an utterly bizarre reaction. But then what would expect from a parent who forces her child to do sports they are not comfortable with, tackle sports at that!! :/ No doubt the other mums she supposedly spoke to were just nodding & saying mmmm in order to get her to **** asap!!

I think the discussion your husband had with your son is perfectly normal in a mature adult / child relationship.

I'd steer clear of her as much as possible.
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Old 08-29-2010, 11:34 PM
 
852 posts, read 1,360,519 times
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She's crazy! Wow! I hope it doesn't affect the boys' relationship, but it doesn't sound to me as if you could possibly predict how she might handle things. Her reaction is way out there.
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Old 08-30-2010, 12:20 AM
 
853 posts, read 4,016,456 times
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Thank you everyone for confirming my thoughts! She made me feel like a great mother, so maybe that is why I did not get as mad as I could have.

The bad news though is that now I am more worried for her son. There is more to his situation than I could (or should) post. I do know her x-husband, and for awhile I avoided him because she would not talk to anyone that talks to him, and I met her first. However, I stood next to him at football for hours straight, so we did end up talking. He seems to have his hands tied right now (she wins in court a lot,,,,surprise!), and I pretty much decided that it was better for the son if I avoided the x husband and stayed friends with the Mom (so her son can come over a lot when he's with her, the son is happy when he’s with his Dad or out of the house).

Anyway, thanks again. If I did not write this here, I might have ended up telling the wrong people about this, and that would not be good.
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Old 08-30-2010, 06:32 AM
 
11,642 posts, read 23,801,950 times
Reputation: 12269
Quote:
Originally Posted by Reneeme View Post
My 11 year old son and his friend are on the same tackle football team. My son has wanted to play for as long as I can remember, and his friend had no interest in playing football, however, his mother made him sign up. She also found a way to force her x-husband to take him (and his brother) to football on the days that the kids are with him.

Well, the other day my son's friend slept over our house after football and stayed until early afternoon the next day (I was at work but my husband was home). While they were here, my son, his friend, and my husband talked about whether or not my son was going to football that evening since it was an optional practice (which is rare). My son did not want to go (also rare), which was fine with my husband.

Well, my son ended up going to football. When I got there, my son's friend's mother yelled at me for at least half an hour because she was upset that we talked about whether my son would go in front of her son, as it made her job getting him to football "harder". She was shocked that we included our son in the decision, and was absolutely adamant that I should apologize and say that I will never have those conversations in front of her son! She also told me that she had to yell at her son for four hours to get him to go, and that she spoke to many people about what I did and they all could not believe it (not to mention that I was at work and did not hear any of the story beforehand!!!). What made her even more upset is that my son ended up going after all of that.

I am curious.....would you ever make an 11 year old boy play TACKLE football, do you have conversations like that in front of your kids, and would you let your kids chose about missing an optional practice? Also, would you have apologized (I said that I was sorry it happened to her but that I did not know the situation and I was not sure I agreed)?

Thanks! This has been bothering me for a few days now.
As a parent of two sons who play football, I have to say that football parents as a whole are crazier than the average parent!!

I have seen lots of parents who force their sons to play tackle football and I have NEVER understood it. The kids who love football really love it, but it's not for everyone. They have to really want to play a sport with that much contact and if they don't they risk getting very badly hurt. The kids who get hurt playing football are frequently the ones who don't really embrace the contact.

As for the other mother, I think I would have said "I'm sorry you are so upset." which would have been true. I am sure you are sorry she got so upset.

As far as asking a child whether he was going to attend an optional practice (we never have these), yes I would have asked my child if he wanted to attend. You can't change the way you run your family because of other people.
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Old 08-30-2010, 08:19 AM
 
853 posts, read 4,016,456 times
Reputation: 664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Momma_bear View Post
As a parent of two sons who play football, I have to say that football parents as a whole are crazier than the average parent!!

I have seen lots of parents who force their sons to play tackle football and I have NEVER understood it. The kids who love football really love it, but it's not for everyone. They have to really want to play a sport with that much contact and if they don't they risk getting very badly hurt. The kids who get hurt playing football are frequently the ones who don't really embrace the contact.

As for the other mother, I think I would have said "I'm sorry you are so upset." which would have been true. I am sure you are sorry she got so upset.

As far as asking a child whether he was going to attend an optional practice (we never have these), yes I would have asked my child if he wanted to attend. You can't change the way you run your family because of other people.

Good point about the football parents. For my son's friend sake, it's good to know that there are other parents that force their kids (not that I am happy other kids get forced, just that it's not so unusual!). I did think that not being a tackling type would make injuries more likely, as tackling is hard even for kids that want to do it (my son is new to this and he hesitates).

I like your response too. I did say I was sorry that happened to you (her), but this was after 15 minutes, so it might not have had the same impact (plus I added that I did not know the story and I was not sure I agreed...lol!).

The practice was optional because it was a make up practice and was held on a day that we don't usually have practices. I know some families already had plans.

As a side note, the Mom used an analogy to try to get me to change my opinion. She asked me what if there was an optional book report, and I told my son he had to do it, and she told her son in front of my son, that he did not have to do it, wouldn't I be upset? I told her that it would not bother me at all as my kids try to use things like that to get their way on a daily basis, and I would have him do the book report if I felt it was important to do it, or I would change my mind if it seemed not as important as I thought, but either way it would not cross my mind to blame her.
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