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You know, I'm thinking back about 8 years to when my friend had her first kid. The first time she came back to town to visit with the baby, it was, of course, a different experience than I was used to. I do remember feeling similar to how you do. However, not really "getting it" I just invited her out to dinner like I would have before. Her parents kept the baby. We had dinner.
I guess my point is that I do understand how you feel, but I still am not sure what you expect. You'll either adjust your expectations for visiting with your friend, or you'll grow more frustrated until such time that you have your own kid. By that time, you'll be baby-obsessed, and your friends will have older kids that they feel like they can finally leave, and you'll be on different pages again.
Like I said before, if you want to spend adult only time, just ask them. If they say no, that's your answer. If they are like most people I know, they'll jump at the chance for a night out, as long as there is a spouse, or someone trustworthy to watch the kids.
I'm voting great parents. if being around kids makes you want to slit your wrists then I suggest finding yourself some friends who DON"T HAVE ANY KIDS.
When you have kids they should be the #1 priority in your life so I don't think I would hire a nanny to go and watch and r-rated movie. Also kids don't have an on off so switch so you can put them to bed whenever you want them to go to bed. Its not your fault though. You can't posssible understand what I mean unless you have kids
Generations of parents before have loved their children dearly and brought them up right, while still managing to graciously have friends over, entertain guests at the grown-up level, and offer them the attention they deserved. Yes, without nannies - just with the expectation that sometimes children need to make themselves invisible and just play quietly in their rooms without disturbing grown-ups.
Any sane parent knows that a child will NOT only be just fine, but will greatly benefit, if expected to know how to occupy himself, while parents are busy doing something "grown-up". If it's an infant we're talking about, even more so: an infant will be just fine not being ooohed and ahhhed over for an hour or so. Cross my heart.
My advice? Try to befriend some childless people.
I agree with some of your posts like befriending childless people. I think the OP will be happiest by doing this. I also think kids should be able to entertain themselves while the adults have grown-up time if the children are like say 8 and up but it is not realistic to think that an infant or a toddler will be able to entertain him/herself without pretty much constant adult supervision.
I agree with some of your posts like befriending childless people. I think the OP will be happiest by doing this. I also think kids should be able to entertain themselves while the adults have grown-up time if the children are like say 8 and up but it is not realistic to think that an infant or a toddler will be able to entertain him/herself without pretty much constant adult supervision.
I don't think he/she (?) SHOULD HAVE TO do this - befriend childless people or else. But it looks like this might be his only choice.
Assuming baby-sitter is not an option....
- Infant? Sit next to the adults visiting with each other while NOT being ooohed and aaahed over for a while. Have diaper changed when change is needed. Have parents go back to graciously tending to their guest/friend as soon as that urgent job is addressed.
- Toddler? Stay in the area where adults are, while NOT being made the center of attention and the main subject of conversation.
- Children 5+? Expected to go to their rooms and play quietly for an hour or so, without drawing attention to themselves when grown-ups are visiting with each other.
RESULTS?
A child who will somehow manage to figure out that the Universe does not revolve around him.
Two of our best friends are a childless couple. While they have always been very sweet and gracious, showing an interest to talk about our kids and interact with them, we have made an effort, on our part to NOT overwhelm them with discussions and interactions centered around our kids.
I simply think this would be rude and boorish. When we get together, we either use a baby-sitter, or if it happens at our place - the kids will be center of attention briefly, in the beginning, after which they are expected to go low profile. That's all.
But I am pretty sure all those whose juniors receive their undivided attention, 100% of the time, love their kids way more than we would ever be capable of.
Exactly unless you are a parent, you will never know this high power of love for your child. My sister who is childless still can't believe the sacrifices I do every day. I do believe however disciplining a child is a must. Correcting or prohibiting them to be rude to a adult is a must.
Seems like I am the only one of my loved ones who has no kids and is un-married.
So am I REQUIRED to put up with their kids 24/7, if I want to spend time with them (my loved ones)? I don't mind spending a few hours with them & the kids. But after 4-5 hours I am pretty much "DONE" with watching Nick Jr. and going to the playground and I want to hang out with my friends in an ADULT FASHION (i.e., watch an adult movie, go to a bar, discuss politics, etc.). Last year my friend came to visit and I had to spend 12 hours a day with her and the 3 kids (ages 3-7). By the 5th day I thought I was going to slit my wrists. And I know my friend could tell I was annoyed.
I was annoyed because parents seem to think that everyone needs to automatically adjust to their lifestyle! Why can't you put them to bed early, so there can be "adult time"? Why can't you leave them with a nanny one day so we can go see an R-rated movie? Why do the kids have to ALWAYS BE THERE?
Parents no longer understand that there is a life beyond children. It is a sad fact. Time to make new friends. The old ones are a lost cause.
I don't think he/she (?) SHOULD HAVE TO do this - befriend childless people or else. But it looks like this might be his only choice.
Assuming baby-sitter is not an option....
- Infant? Sit next to the adults visiting with each other while NOT being ooohed and aaahed over for a while. Have diaper changed when change is needed. Have parents go back to graciously tending to their guest/friend as soon as that urgent job is addressed.
- Toddler? Stay in the area where adults are, while NOT being made the center of attention and the main subject of conversation.
- Children 5+? Expected to go to their rooms and play quietly for an hour or so, without drawing attention to themselves when grown-ups are visiting with each other.
RESULTS?
A child who will somehow manage to figure out that the Universe does not revolve around him.
Two of our best friends are a childless couple. While they have always been very sweet and gracious, showing an interest to talk about our kids and interact with them, we have made an effort, on our part to NOT overwhelm them with discussions and interactions centered around our kids.
I simply think this would be rude and boorish. When we get together, we either use a baby-sitter, or if it happens at our place - the kids will be center of attention briefly, in the beginning, after which they are expected to go low profile. That's all.
But I am pretty sure all those whose juniors receive their undivided attention, 100% of the time, love their kids way more than we would ever be capable of.
but they are still there. I would probably try to get my kids to play somewhere so I could visit with my friend, but they will still need things and want attention. The OP is complaining about the kids being there. period. Not about the way the parents deal with the kids.
You are not a bad friend, and they are not bad parents, but they are parenting according to the current misguided trend that children should be the absolute center of everything at all times. I don't think that particular way of being a family is healthy for either the adults or the children, but I do think the parents are well-intentioned.
When I want to spend child free time with another one of my parent friends, I just request a kid free get-together, but the interpretation is different when you're the one who doesn't have kids. There really is a stigma about it, and there shouldn't be. Adults should spend time in the company of adults, and more regularly than a once-every-other-month girls night. Children need to see that parents have full and active lives.
I'd go see a rated R movie with you, and after, we could come back here for margaritas and conversation, and I assure you that my children would be put to bed.
You are not a bad friend, and they are not bad parents, but they are parenting according to the current misguided trend that children should be the absolute center of everything at all times. I don't think that particular way of being a family is healthy for either the adults or the children, but I do think the parents are well-intentioned.
When I want to spend child free time with another one of my parent friends, I just request a kid free get-together, but the interpretation is different when you're the one who doesn't have kids. There really is a stigma about it, and there shouldn't be. Adults should spend time in the company of adults, and more regularly than a once-every-other-month girls night. Children need to see that parents have full and active lives.
I'd go see a rated R movie with you, and after, we could come back here for margaritas and conversation, and I assure you that my children would be put to bed.
that's fine. I still haven't seen the OP say if he has ever asked these people for a night out. And don't say "can we PLEASE go out WITHOUT your kids???" Say "would you like to have a girls night out?"
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