What if my son is gay? (teaching, support, toddler, parents) - Children, problems, school, daycare, behavior, age, teenagers, infants - City-Data Forum

Jeezy is BACK · 09-01-2010, 11:03 AM

My son is only 2. But, I'm genuinely fearful that he'll be gay. I'm fearful of a lot of things... maybe he'll be a serial killer, maybe he'll be an alcoholic... etc. But my fear of him being gay is just odd, I think. I mean really, would it change anything? No, not really. Would it be a problem for me if he was gay? No. But I still worry about it. Is that weird? Although I have no problem with gays, does this make me homophobic? Haha, I think so.

Anyway, any thoughts? Is this kind of fear normal for a dad? And am I allowed to have this fear?

Thanks

NCyank · 09-01-2010, 11:40 AM

No, that doesn't seem normal to me, not at all.
Have you considered that a professional therapist might help you put some of your fears aside and just enjoy your son for who he is (and will be) instead of being fearful about what he might become?

I think parenting from such a fearful perspective will have an affect on your child, perhaps more profound than you can imagine.

AnonChick · 09-01-2010, 11:53 AM

Are you "allowed" to have the fear? Sure. People are afraid of all kinds of things. Just accept that an irrational fear of something IS, by definition, a phobia. And if what you're feeling regarding the possibility that your son might be gay is fear, then you are, by definition, a homophobe.

You are ALLOWED to have fear. Acting on that fear is another matter entirely. If you worry that your fear is interfering with your parenting, then definitely seek help. If you're not sure if it's interfering or not, definitely seek advice of a professional who can help you find out, and then help you with whatever results.

Momma_bear · 09-01-2010, 11:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeezy is BACK

My son is only 2. But, I'm genuinely fearful that he'll be gay. I'm fearful of a lot of things... maybe he'll be a serial killer, maybe he'll be an alcoholic... etc. But my fear of him being gay is just odd, I think. I mean really, would it change anything? No, not really. Would it be a problem for me if he was gay? No. But I still worry about it. Is that weird? Although I have no problem with gays, does this make me homophobic? Haha, I think so.

Anyway, any thoughts? Is this kind of fear normal for a dad? And am I allowed to have this fear?

Thanks

You are allowed to have any fear you want. However, I think it would be more productive to focus on toilet training than your toddler son's sexuality.

I think that a child's sexuality crosses many parents minds when they are small. However, a fixation on it does not seem healthy for you. What does your spouse or SO think? I think that an excessive fear of your child growing up a certain way is a problem for you. However, a passing concern is pretty normal.

nightcrawler · 09-01-2010, 11:54 AM

I think something is SERIOUSLY wrong with you!

neuro · 09-01-2010, 11:57 AM

Like all parents. your son is teaching you something about yourself. It sounds like you have some prejudges hiding in the back corner of your mind.

The only thing i can say is even if your son turns out to be gay 15 -20 years from now. you will still love him and you would still be willing to run into a burning building for him.

Life Lessons - 60 Questions for a child to better understand their parents

zoso1979 · 09-01-2010, 11:59 AM

What if? Seriously, get about the buisiness of loving and raising your son as the person you want him to grow up to be. Why spend time and energy worring about something that may never happen. IF it does, you'll love him, he's your son.

KylieEve · 09-01-2010, 12:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jeezy is BACK

My son is only 2. But, I'm genuinely fearful that he'll be gay. I'm fearful of a lot of things... maybe he'll be a serial killer, maybe he'll be an alcoholic... etc. But my fear of him being gay is just odd, I think. I mean really, would it change anything? No, not really. Would it be a problem for me if he was gay? No. But I still worry about it. Is that weird? Although I have no problem with gays, does this make me homophobic? Haha, I think so.

Anyway, any thoughts? Is this kind of fear normal for a dad? And am I allowed to have this fear?

Thanks

I'd be more worried about the serial killer thing. If he does turn out to be gay there is nothing you can do about it and it really doesn't make sense to even worry about it at this point. The best thing to do would be to accept him for who he is.

buddy5 · 09-01-2010, 12:29 PM

You are normal. We all want the best for our children. We want them to be better than us. We want grandchildren.

Just give him plenty of love, support, and discipline. Teach him to be a good man. You as his parent, are his first and most important teacher. It's a hard and ambiguous world out there. Teach him right from wrong.

JustJoy · 09-01-2010, 12:40 PM

Well, as the mother of a gay son I think worrying about a 2 year old turning into a serial killer or being gay is, well . . . as one poster said, worry about potty training which believe me isn't easy with boys.

My son's dad was a total homophobe UNTIL he found out his own son was gay. I have never been more proud of my ex-husband for overcoming his bigotry and being a loving and supportive father to our child (who is now 24).

It sounds as if you are a new parent which is hard - I so remember. Possibly some parenting classes would help you in coping better as a new parent. JMO