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This person is loud, overbearing, critical, and very much a know-it-all. However, we have taken care not to make any comments of that nature around my son.
While reading this I flashed on a few members of my own extended family that are loud, overbearing, critical and very much know-it-alls. Not good.
If your son is old enough to be by himself, make himself a sandwhich, and responsible enough to not let the dog run out into the street I say take pity on the poor kid and let him stay home. Tell him he owes you one.
[quote=Hopes;15798081]It depends. It's a very tough call.
My son had these issues---not wanting to go to family gatherings because certain relatives made him uncomfortable. Turns out, he has social anxiety. You shouldn't avoid things when you have social anxiety. Avoidance just makes it more difficult to attend in the future. Sadly, I didn't realize that my son had social anxiety and I allowed him to stay home. Now it's more difficult for him to go to extended family events. We've gone quite a few years with his staying home during the holidays. In that regard, I say that you should make your son go; however, you should stay close to him and not leave him to fend for himself. Even the briefest encounter can be very difficult for someone with social anxiety. You need to keep your son close so you know what was said so you can talk it through afterwards so he can process how he felt and realize that it wasn't a big deal.
BUT you need to make sure that he's avoiding this person simply because he makes your son uncomfortable and not because the relative has sexually mollested him in the past. If your son has been abused by this man, forcing your son to attend would be harmful to him emotionally.
Get to the bottom of why your son doesn't like this person. Most abusers are friends and relatives, not strangers.[/quote]
I thought the same thing. If its just because of a personality diffrence then your son should go and enjoy the company of the rest of the family. But if I were you I would investigate what is really the root of the problem. And I would also keep an eye on him while at the party and intervene if necessary.
I would make my child go, but would keep a close eye on what is happening. When "Uncle Bob" calls your son over to chat, send your son to do something else. Kids need to be polite and say hello, but shouldn't be expected to carry on a long conversation with someone that they don't care for.
At our family gatherings the kids spend most of their time playing in a different area than the adults are visiting, anyway.
I agree with the other posters that there may be something else to it, do more digging. If the child is mature enough to come to you with his issues, I say let him skip the get togethers. What's the big deal anyway...you might offend a loud mouth relative who annoys everyone around him? Listen to your child, and your gut.
If that is the only reason..then no, he can't skip it. The world is full of people we may not enjoy being around. Unfortunately, some of them are family. Sometimes you have to suck it up, go, be polite when you must be around them and then find others to spend your time with.
I would agree here with maciesmom. I would make him go but talk to him about why you could also use that adult as an example of how "NOT" to behave.
If you feel that your son is withholding information about what is going on then keep your son away from the situation. Perhaps you could use it as a "test" to see if that adult particularly asks about your son then there may be something more serious going on.
My son has recently confided that he does not enjoy spending time with a certain member of our extended family. He is vehement about not wanting to be put in a situation where he has to visit with this person who, in all honesty, my SO and I don't enjoy being around either. This person is loud, overbearing, critical, and very much a know-it-all. However, we have taken care not to make any comments of that nature around my son. We have a family gathering coming up and my son has asked if he can skip it so that he can avoid this family member. The family is big enough that he could avoid this person with a little maneuvering. He doesn't want to be in this person's presence. So -- would you give your kid an out on this or would you require attendance?
why even go at all? .. I'm kinda impolite when it comes to why I choose to not make a scheduled appearance when I have to put up with people like that .. I dont inflict PIA's like that on my children either ..
I would dig a little tho and be sure theres nothing more involved than a simple dislike of the windbag relative ..
oh yeh when asked why we didnt attend the deal I just smile sweetly and say .. we had things to take care of first .. but hope it was nice for you all .. and let them tell me alla bout the fun we didnt miss.. convos like that often lead to an ah-ha moment for both parties ..
If his only reason for not wanting to be around this person is that they're rude and annoying, then I'd make them still attend. But I'd be concerned about a child being so adamant about not wanting to be around a certain person that they would actually tell their parents. I'd do some more digging if I was you.
Agreed. Don't ever put your child in the situation of being alone in a room with this individual. One parent should always be with this child when the individual is in the same location. There may be more to the story than you know.
why even go at all? .. I'm kinda impolite when it comes to why I choose to not make a scheduled appearance when I have to put up with people like that .. I dont inflict PIA's like that on my children either ..
It's a large family gathering. The person in question is one person out of many people.
You'd miss spending time with multiple relatives you love just to avoid one in the group?
It's a large family gathering. The person in question is one person out of many people.
You'd miss spending time with multiple relatives you love just to avoid one in the group?
It depends on how large the family gathering is .. a group of less than 20 naw I wont go.. to hard to stay out of the "PIA's" area.. I would have to think about it when its 25-50 or better ..
cause you have to remember the ratio of parents and kids at the gathering .. Its easier to do a one on one visit on a quiet sunday after noon when your sure the PIA is'nt there ..
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