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So if an asian daughter grows up is in college and lives at home but pays her way and starts dating a white guy and her traditional asian mother wants her to date an asian guy and so she keeps her relationship a secret so her she doesn't have to deal with the screaming, nagging and relationship ruining mother, she just shouldn't date and risk losing out on a good relationship?
I think it's weaselly, and if I were the guy, I'd be mad as heIl.
So if an asian daughter grows up is in college and lives at home but pays her way and starts dating a white guy and her traditional asian mother wants her to date an asian guy and so she keeps her relationship a secret so her she doesn't have to deal with the screaming, nagging and relationship ruining mother, she just shouldn't date and risk losing out on a good relationship?
What does race have to do with it? And how good can a relationship be if you have to lie about it and hide it? The 'Asian girl' should be respectful to her mother while she lives in her mother's home. When she grows up and moves out she can do as she pleases. Eventually she's going to have to learn to deal with her mother without resorting to hiding behind lies.
Gee, this is EXACTLY the advice I would give YOU if this were really about you. And this sounds EXACTLY like a situation you would post about. Are you sure you aren't even slightly Asian?
Blatant lying about important things is never good. But many kids, and people in general, lie just to make life easier. Sometimes we don't want someone else knowing everything there is to know. Parents actually can create a situation that encourages their kids to lie. Because of this I think lying it's perfectly acceptable under some conditions.
It's funny to hear people claim that any lie is horrible we all know damn well everyone lies.
I think it's weaselly, and if I were the guy, I'd be mad as heIl.
^This.
And you'd have to know that the relationship isn't really going anywhere if your partner is lying and hiding it from people.
I expected grief (and got some) from my difficult parents...but I faced it head on. I never lied or hid DH away. In fact, when it became apparent that we were getting serious I invited him to my parent's home for the weekend. I told him what to expect but he never understood until he came home with me. It was more for him to understand fully what he was getting into than seeking permission or approval from my parents. I wasn't going to lie or hide my family from him any more than I was going to hide him from them.
The problem I have with this is that too many people look at it as a "get out of jail free" card:
"Why should I be punished for taking the car without asking and joyriding with six friends? I admitted to it when I got caught."
Guess you didn't read the second post where I made it clearer that there are consequences.
btw, my siblings and I never viewed telling the truth as a 'get out of jail free' card. We respected our parents. They didn't need to be dictators to earn our respect.
I want to know what you guys think about kids lying to their parents for various reasons:
-Lying to avoid getting in trouble
-Lying to avoid conflict
-Lying to avoid an argument
-Lying to avoid getting a no answer
-Lying to avoid parents being too involved.
I won't say what's sparking this question but do you ever think it's ok for teens/young adults to lie to their parents for any reason?
And what would you do if you found out your teen/young adult was lying to you for any reason?
And I'm talking about 18 and older here, but i'll include 16 and 17 for kicks and giggles.
lol...I teens wont lie to me..I tell them they are teens they are suppose to lie to me and I give them scenarios of how I lied to my mom.
But no the little smart asses look at me and say N0 we dont have to lie to you what for?
So I told them cuz your teenagers so start acting like one.
I even give them great tips on how to lie.
Maybe my two younger ones who havent hit their teenage years will lie to me like regular normal teens when they become teens.
I think I will lie to my two teens who are boys 15 and 17 and see if they get the hint..lol....
We're not your mother, no need to lie here. If you truly "paid your own way", you'd have your own place... but that's been pointed out to you on NUMEROUS other threads here.
As to "little white lies"... yep, I tell em. And my kids have caught me... "Oh sorry, we've already committed to another birthday party this afternoon"... and I've had to pay the consequences... $1 to the disrepect/lying jar, written 10x "Lying is wrong, no matter the circumstance" and been sent to bed early... well, maybe I imposed that last one on myself
But everyone knows not to ask me a second time, "Do these pants make me look fat?"... the first time, I will avoid the direct question, "You look great - I love that blouse!", but if cornered I will tell the truth.
"Isn't my new baby the cutest thing you've ever seen!"... is often answered with, "Oh he's so little!" - because naturally, MY son was the cutest one I've ever seen.
But everyone knows not to ask me a second time, "Do these pants make me look fat?"... the first time, I will avoid the direct question, "You look great - I love that blouse!", but if cornered I will tell the truth.
Funny story:
My 14 year old asked: "Why do girls obsess over whether a certain outfit makes them look fat?"
My husband answered: "There is only one way to answer that question. You say 'You look great no matter what she looks like.'"
The problem I have with this is that too many people look at it as a "get out of jail free" card:
"Why should I be punished for taking the car without asking and joyriding with six friends? I admitted to it when I got caught."
Not in this house. You do the crime, you experience consequences. If you lie, you get more consequences.
And having worked detox, I'm pretty good at catching out lying, at least face-to-face. (On the internet, of course, txtqueen could be Suri Cruise, and who the heck knows?)
Isn't she like, you know, 4 years old or something?
And if you were one of the ones who lived near me I'd tell you come into my work on Sunday when I work next..
You'll see im short, adorable, and not a 15 year old or a man pretending to me a young woman...
Ever since I posted my picture and you guys know where I work, I'm just waiting for someone who lives close by to come in...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aconite
I think it's weaselly, and if I were the guy, I'd be mad as heIl.
Yeah but wouldn't most guys want to avoid a mother like that? Until you know...they knew the relationship was going somewhere.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NCyank
What does race have to do with it? And how good can a relationship be if you have to lie about it and hide it? The 'Asian girl' should be respectful to her mother while she lives in her mother's home. When she grows up and moves out she can do as she pleases. Eventually she's going to have to learn to deal with her mother without resorting to hiding behind lies.
Gee, this is EXACTLY the advice I would give YOU if this were really about you. And this sounds EXACTLY like a situation you would post about. Are you sure you aren't even slightly Asian?
Nope not asian...heavily irish and scottish and wee bit german..
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hopes
Totally agree! Parents aside, it's a terrible thing for the girl to be doing to her boyfriend!
I wouldn't want to date a guy who didn't have the backbone to be honest to his parents about my race!
The scenario was THE MOM wanted the daughter to have an asian boyfriend, the daughter wanted to date the white guy, so she kept the fact she was dating a secret...and lied and said no every time the mom asked of she was dating.
I gave that scenario because it was the first to pop into my head as I was writing.
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