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Old 09-13-2010, 07:30 PM
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When I visit my in-laws (an 18-hour trip, one-way) I stay for about five days. Anything more than that I'd go crazy.

When my in-laws visit us they stay with us and usually stay less than a week. My mother will typically stay 1 to 2 weeks which is fine b/c she's very helpful.

My sisters will sometimes stay with me and sometimes choose to stay in a hotel b/c they like to have a pool and they say it feels more like a vacation. I live in a popular resort area so there are lots of places for them to choose from if that's what they want.

I don't mind hosting low-maintenance people who can entertain themselves and clean up after themselves. I don't like to host people who want to be waited on constantly.

One thing to keep in mind is that hosting more than one or two people can be expensive when you factor in the cost of food and daytrips.
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Old 09-13-2010, 08:54 PM
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Originally Posted by houstmom View Post
This is a question for those who have children (esp. young children) and the grandparents of these children live far away (700 miles +).

Do you visit the grandparents at their place more often or do the grandparents come visit you? What do you prefer?

When grandparents visit, do they stay at your home or in a hotel? Do they rent a car?

And the big question: how long do the grandparents stay? How long is too long from your perspective I know in some cultures (like Indian), grandparents can stay months at a time so I am interested in what is typical for Americans.

I'm having some issues with grandparent visits (too long etc) and I was wondering how everyone else does it.

OP when my inlaws come to visit the duration is usually a week to two weeks. At first my mil and I were reaquainting ourselves as we had a very bad 'falling' out, so when she and sil came to visit us for when the baby was born they stayed at a hotel for a week. When things eventually got better they stayed in our home. The most recent visit lasted two weeks. I actually wish she would stay for a month because Mr. X and I need a break and would like to go out.

My perspective, is if you and family do not get on and they wish to visit their grandchildren it is best that they get a hotel and rent a car. Most times it is better that way to avoid any fighting within your own home and you can make arrangements for the children to go to the zoo and other attractions which can be a great distraction.

If its not the case and its just that they are staying way too long which can affect schedules with work, school, etc then tell them so. I think they should be more understanding than not.

All the best!
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Old 09-13-2010, 10:51 PM
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My mom and DH's dad live close by so they only do day trips. I don't talk to my dad so no worries there and my MIL, OMG 5 minutes is too long! By that time she has probably already insulted me and hubby at least twice each, made DS cry, made a stank face about something, gossiped about a family member and preached about what a good christian woman she is. (no seriously, i'm not kidding)

She stayed with us for almost a year and a half, and seriously I'm surprised my marriage survived it. Now she lives an hour away and finds away to sleep over for at least one night when she comes over, drives me NUTS since at least one of those days she's here is usually a work day so she's in my house all alone going through all our stuff (again, i'm not kidding).

Oh dear, am I ranting? Sorry! Back to the topic...

I think visits for people who live within the country 5-7 days is plenty (less if it's driving distance), international guests 2 to 3 weeks TOPS. But do be realistic, if you know your guests don't get along with some one who lives in your home do your best to keep their visits short and sweet.
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Old 09-13-2010, 11:02 PM
Location: Denver 'burbs
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3-4 days is what works for us. Doesn't matter who it is who is doing the visiting. Mostly they stay with us or we with them...but occasionally, a hotel is nice. When DD graduated from HS, we had many out of town family members come. It was easier to have everyone stay in a hotel for a variety of reasons. Not the least of which was we had so much going on I did not need to worry about being a good hostess 24/7 on top of it.
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Old 05-30-2017, 02:45 PM
Location: detroit mi
667 posts, read 447,693 times
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My grandpa lived in fl we lived in michigan. We would go down there for a couple weeks every year sometimes twice a year. He would come up some years and stay with us probably a month or so and use my bed,I got the couch but he paid me for it when he left which was cool. He stayed a couple months one year while him and my dad rebuilt his truck motor. It was never a big deal in either case.
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Old 05-30-2017, 04:04 PM
Location: Brew City
3,585 posts, read 2,171,351 times
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Depends who's visiting. My mother-in-law is coming in July. She's staying for a week. Fine by me, I booked a ticket to visit Boston instead .

Seriously though (I really am going to Boston to avoid her), I can only take it for about 4 days for either of our mothers. My sister or our dads can stay as long as they like.

I much prefer to be the guest. I like being able to drive away if need be. Even if it's just for a few hours for a breather. It's hard to get any space when they're in your house.
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Old 05-30-2017, 04:20 PM
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They come to see us more often for many reasons. They stay with us. They don't rent a car (we have a large SUV that can fit everyone). They usually stay for about a week. Reasons they visit us more than we visit them:

- We have a guest room with guest bath. If we go to them, my kids have to sleep on the couch or floor.
- It costs a lot less for them to fly here than for an entire family to fly there.
- They are retired. We have to take time off of work.
- We do have to rent a car when we go there, because we won't all fit in their car.
- We have outgrown this now, but we also used to need to haul car seats with us when we saw them.
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Old 05-30-2017, 07:12 PM
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My mother is deceased and my father is too old to travel, and we live only 10 minutes from my in-laws. So we have never had any issues with visiting grandparents or having grandparents come to visit. My husband's brother and his family, however, often come from Germany and stay with the in-laws. They always stay at least three weeks (understandable, having come from such a long distance) and often as long as four or even five weeks.

Both sides have confessed to me that by the time the visit is over, they are getting on each others' nerves and more than ready for it to end.

I don't think I could stand to take my family and stay with a relative for 3, 4, or 5 weeks. If we were in a nearby hotel, then sure, but I'm an introvert who really needs space and some down time.
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Old 05-31-2017, 12:24 AM
Location: New Jersey
492 posts, read 335,223 times
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very timely thread! i PREFER 5-6 days max, but my mum lives abroad in another country 3,000 miles away with a 5-6 hour plane trip. So, i'd feel "mean" asking her to just stay for 5-6 days when she travelled lot of distance to see me and her grandsons (my boys)

i think the main thing for me with her visits is couple of factors; she's a real night owl, constantly leaves lights on in every room which drives me NUTS, and she won't drive while staying with us. So, i'm forever obligated to drive her to places. I had put my foot down on that when my boys were really little, as it was just too much for me to be host, driver, cook, etc all the while trying to mother my boys as babies and toddlers. Now it's bit easier with them being more mobile and out of naps.
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Old 05-31-2017, 07:02 AM
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My IL's are local so no overnight visits. My mom stays in a hotel and comes for the weekend. When my sister visits, they come for the weekend as well. I wouldn't mind her and her family staying for an extra day but that would be the limit. As I've gotten older, I'm not a fan of most guests staying for more than a couple of days.
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