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Old 06-30-2007, 01:00 PM
 
4,963 posts, read 3,930,678 times
Reputation: 2917

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In todays world, it seems that anytime my kids have friends over, the friends have no clue on how to pick up after themselves.

Yesterday and today they had friends over ; yesterday it was a total of 7 kids between age 5 & 8. I know my own kids know where the garbage is, but the other kids left icepop wrappers on chairs, tables etc.

today we had two boys over ; a 8 & 12 year old. The 12 year old was horrendous. They brought Wendys food with them for lunch, ate it and left all the papers outside on the table. Then I go to the basement which is finished but no furniture ; the 12 year old was throwing a ball at the wall ; I asked him if he did that at home, he replied NO. So I asked why do it in my house??

I have been told by many people that my kids always put their papers away when they are at friends houses ; and honestly I would be mortified if they didnt.

The last time the 12 & 8 year old came over, they along with my boys just shredded styrofoam all over the basement and one of my boys vacuumed the whole place up without being told to. The 12 & 8 didnt even ask if they could help. They jsut starred at him which caused him to turn beet red and say ; what are you looking at you lazy things.
The mother is a very good friend of mine and I would hate to say antyhing to her, but her 12yr needs a good shaken. He also failed two subjects and has to do summer school.

am I crazy to expect them to clean up??
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Old 06-30-2007, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Tejas
7,504 posts, read 15,974,639 times
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Nope youre not. If they dont do it at their homes why shoud they do it at yours. Thats what my mam told me, "If you cant do it here, dont do it there" basically.
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Old 06-30-2007, 01:19 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,168,811 times
Reputation: 13176
I do not think it is at all unrealistic to expect kids to clean up.
However, having 7 kids running around is, to me, kind of asking of a Lord of the Flies type of situation.
Every family is different, plus as some kids head into adolescence they can be a bit spacey. Maybe the 12 year old is going through a tough time right now, but that does not mean he gets free rein at your house.
When my kids were younger and had friends over, I was easygoing most of the time but did get a bit testy when huge messes were made. I tried to reduce the odds of this happening by limiting the amount of friends as well as keeping an eye on them, but stuff happens even if just one extra kid is in the house.
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Old 06-30-2007, 01:38 PM
 
Location: The mountians of Northern California.
1,354 posts, read 5,629,326 times
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I would have no problem having the kids clean up after themselves. When they get to your house, tell them in no uncertian terms, you must clean up after yourself or I am sending you home. Poke your head in every so often and have them pick up after themselves. If they are expected to leave at a certian time, 10 minutes before the departure time, have everyone clean up.
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:59 PM
 
6,585 posts, read 22,390,135 times
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Most don't clean up I've learned over the years and I had the home everyone hung out at.

I've ignored it, I've talked to them about it. Something about a group of kids, though, and all common sense, manners, proper decorum are all out the window. I read the book The Nurture Assumption and that explained a lot of it for me. Or, rather, confirmed what I was seeing. No matter what the parents teach, how great the child acts at home, 9 times out of 10, when they get around other kids it's all lost.

I ban the really destructive kids. I tried to deal with them, teach them better, and it didn't work. I banned two brothers when they were 4 and 7. I just couldn't take it anymore. They were the worst.

What has helped me more than anything is telling my son he has to clean up any messes his friends make. Not the friends. Him. And he tells them to stop, nips it in the bud. The kids will listen to him more and he doesn't want the really destructive ones back either.

I have to say though it's not much of a problem anymore. My son is almost 13 and there are fewer messes to be made, fewer toys, no more Legos. They are outside or they are playing video games and talking to girls on the phone.
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Old 06-30-2007, 10:22 PM
 
Location: Debary, Florida
2,267 posts, read 2,379,180 times
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I have no problem with my daughter having friends over but I have told her either her friends help her pick up or she will have to do it on her own afterward.

I pay attention to what children don't pick up or act badly in another way and they are NOT invited back.

My daughter is 10 by the way and she has been able to be responsible for some years now.

My daughter had a party where she invited 4 other girls over. One of the girls made me so mad I wanted to slap her...she was NEVER invited back and thankfully has moved out of our area and school district.
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Old 07-01-2007, 02:00 AM
 
103 posts, read 358,944 times
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It depends on your attitude.Everything goes well.
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Old 07-01-2007, 06:02 AM
 
4,963 posts, read 3,930,678 times
Reputation: 2917
My kids do get to clean up and I have noticed that they are improving in how much they play with when their friends are over.

Its not the messes of toys I was moaning about ; they were all outside. But it was the garbage that the kids just dont seem to know where it goes. Its not a free for all and I usually let the kids alone to have fun.

its good that I know its common
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Old 07-01-2007, 09:24 AM
 
1,341 posts, read 4,312,755 times
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My oldest is 7..and when she has playdates over...when the parent drops them off, I am the proactive one that will ask and in turn tell (when she goes over)..some of the rules and regs on our home.

Meaning when her friends come over, I sort of "clear it" with the parent on what I am going to be serving, what they will be doing (tell them what movie -- if any they will be watching-- and ask if they have anything special dietary issues on what they cannot and can eat.

I keep our dog in the garage when playdates are over.

And when my kid goes over, I tell the parents the same thing. I think its just being courteous and open to the other parent.

I dont do more than 2 hour playdates..and I try an prepare and have things for the girls to do and get my daughter involved on helping get things ready.

But I also have NO problem with telling it " as a whole" something like "Okay, you guys are done with the Sorry game, lets make sure it gets put away so the pieces dont get lost okay?"

While I am learning and comming to realize that kids can be more "free" in others homes, because, well its not theirs...I set my standards with my kids right at the door. And I can get an insight as to how things are done with others at their homes as well. I have not had a certain girl over again, because while I "okayed" the use of my old makeup to decorate the barbie head that you can put makeup on, put out an old sheet and made sure that nothing would get anywhere...and even showed the girls how to be fun with it, without being messy. The little girl decided what would be more fun would be to throw the make up around..mind you I gave mostly clear colors and stuff..but I could tell by my daughters expression that she was scared that she was going to get in trouble after her friend left. POOR THING..I wasnt going to get mad..but I took it as a lesson learned on my part...the same girl left her pizza all over the place..never bothered throwing the empty plates in the trash...and I could tell by her mom that she wasnt the "clean sort of type".

Needless to say, she hasnt been over since. And you know what, I dont mind being a little more strict at such a young age..its never too early to start steering children to have the right sort of friends.

You have hooligans over early on, they pick up on those habits..and then will continue to mix with that type. The occasion ruckus is fine, of course, they are kids..but I honeslty dont see anything wrong with having a basic respect for someone elses home, and I expect my kids to treat someone elses home with respect.

Second example..I have a good friend of mine, who has two boys..both are the stereotypical jump on the couch types..and they arent even the same age group or gender, so really I dont have very much in common with her.

We have distanced ourselves from the family itself, because quite frankly, once again, dont agree with the romper room style, stick a russel stovers in your mouth and "be quiet, go play, so mommie can talk to her friends" style of parenting.

Its never to early to set ground rules with your kids..in fact the earlier the better..at least this way they know what to expect early on, and there is nothing wrong with teaching them your standards and values on life.
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Old 07-01-2007, 11:55 AM
 
Location: Far Western KY
1,833 posts, read 5,754,925 times
Reputation: 845
Tell the little pigs to clean up after themselves or don't come back, PERIOD!

I did that with a friend of my kids, the slob could clean their mess, so the slob wasn't allowed back after about 2 warnings, guess they thought I was kidding, I wasn't.
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